Page 57 of Curious
CHAPTER18
Shelby
I’m playing house with Camden, that’s all there is to it. I’m living in this domestic fantasy I never really had, with a husband who loves me, a house that I get to decorate exactly how I want it, and many kinds of hot sex every night.
I’m lying on top of him on his—our?—hisnew couch in his newly painted living room that has baseboards and flooring and furniture and a few black-and-white digital prints of his family. He even put up a framed picture of me—a still from the Ad/VICE video where I have paint on my nose and am grinning widely at the camera.
It makes a lump lodge in my throat.
Right now, we’re watching all theStar Warsmovies we can find, and Cam’s comments crack me up.
Examples: “I think not only does the Death Star need OSHA to come in and shut it down, but is there an HR for the Empire? Choking people is not how you should fire them.” Or “Don’t they know you don’t need to bank turns in space?”
His indignation about the “realities” of a fictional world makes me laugh. It makes my heart sing, too, because I like spending time with him.
We could watch anything, and I’d enjoy hearing his commentary. When the movie ends, I hesitate to get up off of him. He’s just too snuggly, and I don’t really want to move. I look up, hoping he’ll kiss me—and he does, but then he pulls back and looks at me cockeyed.
“What?” I ask, nibbling my lip.
“Are we dating?”
I’m so surprised that I stutter out a laugh. “What?”
Cam clears his throat and doesn’t meet my eyes. “I realize that’s a strange question to ask my husband. But are we dating? Is that something that you want to do, or consider us doing? How do we do this? I mean, I like you.”
I put my head into the crook of his neck and trace patterns on his chest while my own heartbeat speeds up. “I’d like us to be dating. I like you, too.”
“Then, cool. We are.” He moves so now I’m on my back on the couch, and he’s on top and kissing me.
Settling something like that so easily is foreign to me. I’m used to people not saying what they mean or not telling me the whole story.
I want to trust him. I want to think that everything is going to be okay. But I’ve learned that it never is. There’s always a cost.
I guess I should just enjoy this time with him while I can. I’ll worry about when the other shoe will drop another day.
For now, I’m going to make out with my boyfriend. Who also happens to be my husband.
* * *
A few days later, Alden and Danny get engaged at a World Series game, and I congratulate them wholeheartedly. But part of me feels a pang. Somehow what I have with Cam has gotten confused with the relationships I see my friends in. Cam and I went into this with no intention of staying together, but now he’s my boyfriend.
Does that mean our end date is off the table? Well, we never had a specific date—it was just when he’s healed and has insurance on his own, and I have a place to stay. Which reminds me that I haven’t totally kept up my end of the bargain.
In between reserving a venue for our firm holiday party and sending out cute invitations to everyone, I do some apartment searches on the office computer when there’s no one calling or in the reception area. Cam and I have looked at a few places, mostly at the beginning, but so far nothing’s been right. Likely because I don’t want to move. I want to stay with Cam.
But that’s not fair to him. Even if we’re boyfriends, living together should be something he thinks about and actually wants, not because it was a spur-of-the-moment offer when he got hurt and I lost housing. I don’t want him to feel trapped or like he can’t get rid of me.
I learned, too, from Reyna, that he’d intended to rent out the pool house as an Airbnb. So I’m costing him income as well. I know it’s offset some by the insurance premiums, but that can’t be as much as he’d make with a rental.
Part of me also needs a backup plan. I didn’t have one with Evan, and I paid the price. I’m not going to do that again.
The insurance broker Demi put me in touch with emails me a variety of plans tailored for small businesses, and I hesitate. I could forward them to Cam.
But I don’t want to, because it feels like we’re headed to the end if I do.
So instead, I print them out and put them in a folder. I’ll put everything together for him, and we can talk about it like adults.
Just not today.
