Page 41 of The Stars in the Sky
Mucking
"WE NEED TO HAVE a talk."
After breakfasting, showering, and packing up Ryan and Amelia to go back to Santa Barbara, Amelia pulled me aside. Then she pushed me outside the ranch house and started walking with me, leaving Ryan and Will talking in the house.
"I know what you're going to say—" I started, but she interrupted me.
"And that is?"
"That I'm crazy for what I'm doing with Will."
She rolled her eyes. "Girl, I knew you were crazy a long time ago. This new crazy, though, is for what you arenotdoing with Will."
We walked past the corrals and headed to the path that wended its way to the bluff and the beach. "There's not much that I am not doing with Will," I said, joking.
But she was serious. "Marie. You are my best friend. You saved my life. Multiple times. I feel like I need to do the same for you."
"What are you talking about?"
"You're not opening your heart up to him." I spluttered, thinking that she was sounding like that old Madonna song, but she kept going, giving me The Hand. "You’re the most caring person I know. You teach preschool and you help kids and you want to be a counselor and you give me your time and you care about the environment and baby polar bears and all sorts of causes. But you don't take yourself on as a cause."
"Yes I do," I started, "I totally defend myself."
"You do," she agreed easily, "but you don't let yourself get in deep. When was the last time you were in a real relationship?"
I couldn't remember. I shook my head at her, but she continued.
"You have this big, tall, hunk of a cowboy, who looks at you as if he sees you, only you, and no one else but you on the entire goddamn planet, and as far as I can tell, he respects you, he pays attention to you, he makes sure that you are taken care of, and he buys you candy and fucking dances with you the way you’ve never been danced with. And you're questioning it because it's new and that's normal.
"You're the life of the party, always having fun, always making sure that others have fun. But as a friend, I want you to think about whether you are willing to go deeper than you ever have before. You're the caring party girl that I know and love, but you don't let anyone in. When are you going to do something for yourself? And I don't just mean get laid. Though, the fact that he is phenomenal in bed says something . . ." She gave me a knowing smile. "But I digress. I want you to think about really letting him care for you, not just with sex, but with everything. Sure, he's the silent type, but there's something burning under that Marlboro Man exterior, and based on what you tell me, he shows it with his actions, not with his mouth."
"His mouth is pretty good," I muttered, kicking at the dust in the trail. We were almost to the bluff where you could see the ocean.
"But that's it, see? You're not letting it be beyond sex. You care about everyone else and your heart is huge. But your heart needs to open up for you and see what it's like to let him in. Because it's obvious, to me, at least, that he's wonderful for you. There's no bullshit with him. He just wants you and he shows it."
I didn't have a response to this. I wasn't sure that she was right, but since she normally was, I wanted to listen to her.
Then I whispered, "He quit chewing tobacco for me." We stopped walking. We had reached the bluff and watched the waves crash on the shore.
I continued, "But he's not going to change his politics."
She shook her head and sighed. "You both care so much about the fucking labels and what ideology you’re adopting that you aren't paying enough attention to the stuff that matters. The stuff beyond the label bullshit. Outside last night, looking up at the stars? In the grand scheme of things, we are all the same."
"You borrowed my Deepak Chopra?"
"And I'm not returning it."
I turned to her and gave her a hug and kissed the top of her head. "I'll think about it."
She nodded and we looked at the ocean for a while. And then we hiked back to the compound.
Once we got there, she got in the car to go. Will came over and gave her a kiss on the cheek, which I thought was sweet. Then Ryan gave me a big hug and shook hands with Will and invited us to visit his beach house.
After their car disappeared down the dirt road, Will gave me a quick but very public kiss and then left in his truck, Trixie in the back, to survey his land or wrestle a cow or something. I went back to the bunkhouse, where I'd spent very little time in the past few days.
Stephanie and Janine were both in there, so as usual there was no privacy. Janine asked me how my date went with Will, which meant that now Stephanie knew about it as well.
I'd barely thought about the repercussions of Will and me hooking up on the relationships with the rest of the staff.
