Page 30 of Sombra
“So you’re a fish out of water.”
“Totally.”
Maggie tsks. “Enjoy it.”
“Enjoy it?”
“Yeah, girl. How many times in your life do you get to be in Spain?”
“I know, I know. But it’s hard sometimes. It’s so weird.They’re on this completely late schedule. It’s so late and lazy it feels decadent. Dinner at ten at night. Who eats dinner so late?”
“Apparently, the Spanish.”
“I mean, I don’t think it’s wrong. I thought it was bad for your digestion, but they’ve been doing this for a thousand years so it’s just the way.” I pause. “And here’s the thing,” I whisper. “It feels right. Like I’ve beenhere for a million years. It’s the first place I’ve felt like I belong.”
After talking to her a bit longer, I say goodbye, hang up, and finger the ring again. It’s pretty. Both sides around the diamond are carved into a delicate fleur-de-lis pattern. The hand that wore it before mine was Shane’s sweet, cookie-pushing grandmother. It fits me well and looks good on my hand, but it’s not mystyle.
Even though I try, I’m not excited about being promised—engaged—whatever. I immediately go to the ugly question: Why am I with Shane?
The answer comes quickly. He’s my best friend and has always been there for me. I can’t imagine life without his support. I don’t want a life with no Shane in it.
Those are pros. I pace and pace, my breath coming out faster.
Yes,a pro and con list. I’ll decide this logically.
Other pros? He helps me lift heavy stuff, gives me rides places—so does Tavo. Shane’s rides aren’t anything like Tavo’s.Focus on Shane, Kim. Shane plays video games with me, but I’m not all that stoked on video games, actually. He encourages me to do my best and helps me with homework. Our parents are friends. We have a lot of shared history.
The cons of marrying Shane? Easy. We’re way too young, and honestly, I took his ring because I didn’t want to embarrass him or hurt his feelings. I still don’t.
As my feet travel back and forth across the cool tile floor, try as I might, I can’t muster up the feelings that I’m frantically in love with him and must marry himnow. I love him, but I’m not in love with him. I’m not evenin lust with him.
No wonder I own a bullet.
I’m definitely in lust with Tavo. Good Lord, who wouldn’t be?
But I don’t want to lose Shane.
My legs wobble and my knees buckle.
The fact that we’re scared to be apart isn’t a reason to stay together.
I sit on the bed covered with clothes with the relief that comes from clarity. My body feels light. My blindersare peeled away. While breaking up with Shane means I’m stepping into the unknown, it’s necessary for both of us. I almost laugh because for cryin’ out loud, I just got here and already my brain’s working differently. How did I not see how things really were between me and Shane? How did I not realize we’d been living in the friend zone all our lives? Good friends. But friends.
I can’tsee myself married to Shane for the rest of my life, and that truth sets me free. It took Shane forcing the issue and me getting out of town to see it. He surprised me at the last second, and now that I’ve had a moment to think about it, I need to give that ring back.
God, how will I tell him?
Iwilltell him.
Tears well up behind my eyes and my muscles sag. I’m so tired I’mpunchy. The nap in the car barely took the edge off of my fatigue. Letting the detritus on my bed go, I shove myself below my clothing.
I want to sleep on this before I tell him. I’m not going to throw away a decades-long relationship because of one plane trip
No more Randy either? No. I couldn’t do that.
I’m scared that me saying no to him will mean we won’t hang like wealways do. I’ll see how I feel in the morning, because maybe it’s just exhaustion talking. I don’t think so, but I want to be sure.
Halfheartedly I remember the need from my erotic dream, but I’m too tired to do anything about it. I’ll just rest my eyes for one minute and then finish unpacking.
The next thing I know, I wake up in the dark with a male voice at my door saying, “Kim.Venga para comer.”
