Page 106 of Sombra
“Shane. Tell me who you are.Tell me who you really are.”
He shakes his head.
I stare.
Thenhe takes a deep breath. Closes his eyes. Opens them. And says, “Kim. I’m gay.” And he breaks down again. Noises come out of him that I’ve never heard from a person. He sounds like a wild animal. Trapped. Caged.
Now I burst out crying too. “I know, honey. I know.” And I did know. All the times we’d spent together, I subconsciously knew there was more than friendship between those two. “Ilove you just the way you are. We’re not getting married. I’m giving you back your ring so you can make it into something for the love of your life.”
He’s so big, with muscles and tight clothes, but when he cries like this, he’s a little kid.
“Let out that shadowy, secret part of you that you hide with your motivational Instagram posts and your schedules and your precision. You don’tneed to hide anymore. At least not from me.”
He curls up on my bed, and I wrap my arms around him. Letting him shake out all these feelings.
After seemingly unending tears, his sobs get quieter. Then they cease.
“But Kim, I cheated on you. I never thought I’d do that. We just got carried away one night, and we kissed. And other things. I’m so sorry.”
My eyes narrow.“When did that start?”
“After you left,” he whispers. “I fought it until then.”
A bunch of emotions run through me. I settle on relief. “I’m glad that it wasn’t while we were together. I guess we both figured stuff out while we were apart. If it makes you feel any better, Tavo kissed me before I emailed you. So I’m sorry, too.”
“Apology accepted.”
“Thanks,” I say.
He stretches out and turns over, his red eyes looking at my red eyes. With a kiss of my forehead, he asks, “What did I do to deserve you?”
“We’re always going to be best friends. Just because we broke up doesn’t mean we can’t talk.”
At last, he sighs. “Thanks. I don’t want to tell anyone else until I’m ready. But I might need someone to give me a push.”
I shove his chestwith both hands. “I’m happy to give you a push whenever you need it. I’ll even help you tell them if you like. I’ll support you.”
“Thanks.” He stares at my hair, pressing a strand between his thumb and index finger. “I wonder what our third wheel will think of this?”
“For fuck’s sake, go home to Randy.” I roll on my back and let out a chuckle.
Sidling up next to me, side toside on the bed, looking up at the ceiling, he mutters, “Jeez, you’re swearing a lot, Kim.”
“I know. You don’t know the half of it.”
And I can’t help but laugh for the first time in a while.
“I still can’t believeI didn’t realize you were gay, Shane.”
We’re both calm now. He’s sitting at my desk, and I’m lying on my back on my bed looking at the ceiling.
“I did my best to hide.”
I straighten up and sit against the headboard. “You were using me to hide. For years, Shane.”
He lets out his breath and squeezes his eyes shut. “I know that now. I don’t think I realized it before. And I’m so sorry.”
I look at him,and feelings war. Between genuine friendship and pissed that he used me. But I don’t want to keep all this inside. I want to resolve it. “Apology accepted.” I flex my fingers over my cross-legged thighs. “We were both kind of hiding.”
