Page 100 of Sombra
“Can you talk to me?” I say.
Turning over on the bed, she faces me, her face streaked with red, her cheeks puffy, her eyesalmost swollen shut.
“Tavo. I’m twenty years old. I came to Spain because I wanted to get away from Iowa. I wanted to see what else is out there.”
“Yes—”
“I dye my hair and drink alcohol and try smoking. I stay up until all hours of the night. New foods and new hours and a new language and culture. All of those things are outside my comfort zone, and I’ve felt free doing them.But this?” Her voice lowers so it’s almost inaudible. “We’ve been together for mere weeks. If we have a baby, what happens if I keep it and you resent me for tying you down?”
Shaking my head, I go to interrupt, but she keeps talking.
“What if your family insists you marry Sonia?”
“They won’t.”
“Where will we live?”
“We’ll figure it out.”
She bites herfinger. “I’m not ready to be someone’s mom. I just got started … Tavo, you’ve become my everything in such a short time, and I’m scared.” She’s looking at me for reassurance, and somehow down deep, even though I’m uncertain, even though I don’t have a crystal ball like thegitanosby the cathedral, I know we’re meant to be together.
As my heart pounds, I hold her hand. “We can make thiswork.”
“I don’t know. I mean, we’re talking about the future, and it’s so ideal. I’m a chef, and you play music. That’s all fine here in Spain, where everything is pretty and there’s tons of family around to help with a baby or cook or whatever. But where I’m from, I’m going to be judged. It’s frowned on to be a pregnant unwed mother, especially when I’m barely an adult. My parents aren’tgoing to like this. I came here to learn to live, but I’ve made one freedom-loving decision too many. And the problem is, this one is permanent.” She looks at me with her eyes full of tears. Her lip quakes. And she doesn’t move. Just like a statue.
Fuck.
As I wrap her in my arms for a fresh round of tears, I realize, as my chest tightens, that she still never told me she loves meback.
