Page 22 of The Ground Beneath Our Feet
“Shhh. Shhh.” I stood in the doorway, not wanting to scare her, but that wasn’t going to work.
“Jessica. Jessica,” I said more forcefully, and she sat up. Her eyes popped open, wild, and she screamed incoherently.
I bounded over to her, grabbed her, and wrapped my arms around her. “Baby. It’s okay, baby. Nothing’s gonna happen to you.” She started sobbing into my shoulder. Big heaving sobs.
At this point I noticed that she was wearing a tiny pink baby doll nightgown that didn’t cover her underwear.
Fucking hell, she was hot.
Stroking her hair, I murmured, “It was just a nightmare. It’s not real. You’re safe. You’re okay. We’re more alike than you think, beauty.”
I didn’t think she woke up all the way from her night terrors. She didn’t say anything, she just sobbed into my bare shoulder. I stayed there until she stopped crying, which took a very long time. She clutched me tightly, as if she thought if she let go she’d fall, that gravity would pull us down.
When she stopped trembling and shaking, I leaned us back down onto her bed and tucked her in.
I held her until I could hear her breathing regulate again, and then I stole out of the room and crawled back into mine.
It took me even longer to fall asleep than I thought. What on earth did that pretty princess have to be so scared of?
Early the next morning, I’d had to get outside. I needed to work out, feel my body. Feel that I was alive.
I needed to take the leap.
I stood at the edge. A branch from a eucalyptus tree hung over the top of the building, the oily, pungent scent invading my sinuses. A cool breeze kissed my ear. I pulled my hoodie over my head to shroud my hair.
The abyss below, in reality wasn’t that far, but the mental game to get there? Miles. I was in this life to live it. That’s why I did the things I’d done.
My heart beat faster, a throb of anticipation. I lived for this moment. I lived for the balance between being safe and not.
I lived on that edge. I loved living on that edge because then I knew I was alive. One day at a time.
I’d stolen my breaths from someone else.
I had to make mine count.
Every.
Single.
One.
Thinking about that made me want to have a drink, but no. I’d fight it again.
One day at a time.
My heart beat so fast that my veins pulsed in my ears, my blood pounded through my body. I fucking got off on it. It aroused me. I needed this high. I lived off it. I could see them down below. I could hear them, but I tuned it out.
And with a deep breath, my last thought was, “Fuck it.”
And I jumped.
When I hit the ground, I knew that was what I needed. To remind myself to stay low. Stay grounded. Stay in my body, not my head.
I was ready to face another day.
