Page 88 of The Ground Beneath Our Feet
My cell phone rang at work.
Tyler calling.
Tyler?
As in my ex. I picked it up, even though I shouldn’t have.
“Hello?”
His voice, so familiar, struck a chord. He immediately reminded me of my past that I’d escaped. I almost hung up on him, but he started talking. “Hey. Long time no talk. Your mom told me you’d moved up to Santa Barbara. I had to come up here for work. Do you want to meet for lunch?”
“I’m sorry, but it’s not a great day. I’ve got a lot to do.” I didn’t want to meet him. I should’ve just said no, not given him an explanation.
Hadn’t I learned anything?
“You still have to eat lunch though, right?”
I didn’t have the energy to fight him on this.
An hour later, I stepped into the foyer of an Italian restaurant. I shouldn’t have suggested it. The decor reminded me of Mikey’s mom’s patio, which reminded me of Mikey.
How was he doing?
Tyler was waiting.
Tall and reedy, with pale features and pale eyes, he hadn’t changed. He wore a pink polo shirt and khakis, the complete opposite of Mikey, who wore tank tops and cargo pants if he wasn’t in scrubs.
“You’re looking good now, Jess.”
“Jessica. And thanks. I’ve made a lot of healthy changes.”
He told me that he was at a conference for his work, and talked about himself, his new car, his clients, his parents, and his younger brother.
No questions about me. No interest in me.
How did I ever see anything in someone so self-absorbed?
What did I ever see in him? Something I missed in myself, too—a self. I’d needed him to provide a person when I was just a shell.
I’d ordered grilled vegetables and chicken, and when it came, he said, “You go to an Italian place and don’t get pasta? Are you crazy?”
Similar thing to what Mikey had said, but out of Tyler’s mouth, it was harsh and critical, not gentle and cajoling.
“This is healthier for me right now. It’s what my body needs.”
He cocked his head to the side, a breadstick suspended in his fingers like a cigarette. “Maybe what your body needs is me.” He reached over trying to touch my hand, but I whipped it back. My eyes flared.
“No. I wasn’t on your radar before, and you’re only paying attention to me now. Why?”
Leaning back in his chair, he eyed my chest. “You look good, Jess. Maybe we should try again.”
“Because I lost weight? Fuck no.”
He bristled at me swearing. I think he’d never heard me swear before.
“Jess.”
“Jessica.”
