Page 4 of The Ground Beneath Our Feet
Lowering my voice, I paced around my room. “She’d never let me go, though.”
Monica’s voice was so emphatic, I had to hold the phone away from my ear. “She doesn’t have to let you go! You’re a goddamn adult!”
“But what kind of professional is named Mikey?”
“The same kind of professional that’s named Jessica. One who can live by their damn self. Don’t change the subject. Tell me why you can’t go.”
“Have you ever had a male roommate?”
“Yep. They watch porn. Get used to it. Go.”
I picked at my lower lip. “What if I don’t like the job?”
“Then you get a new job. But you’ll never know until you try this one.”
I kept pacing. What about my brothers? “Will Brooks and Sebastian be okay?” I asked.
“They’re adults too. They’re working now, they can take care of her as well as you can. Girl, you’ve got so much baggage because of your dad. This is a good step. You need to learn that you don’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.”
“I shouldn’t have called you.”
“Yes, you should have. You needed me to kick your ass. What else? What other objections, girl?” I sat on the edge of my bed and put my forehead in my free hand.
“My mom. My mom won’t want me to go.”
“Talk to her. She’s a mom. She knows that her little birdie will leave the nest. She’ll be just fine without you. There’s nothing wrong with her, she’s just used to you doing things for her.”
“But what if I need her just as much as she needs me?” I whispered.
“Girl. Go get her approval. That’s what you’re waiting for. You want the Pope’s blessing, but you’re gonna have to settle for your mom saying it’s okay.”
I let out the breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding. She was right. I needed my mom’s okay. “I don’t know why I think she won’t let me.”
“You think she won’t because it’s all in your mind. You’ve spent your life acting like her mother. Now, let her be the mom.” She paused. “My next client is here. I want you to text me after dinner that you’re going.”
“Okay,” I said, but I didn’t know if I was lying. “Monica, I need to get out of here for my sanity.”
“You do. Go get her permission. Youknowit will be no big deal. You just think it’s a big deal because it’s your dream come true, and the possibility of your dreams coming true is much, much scarier than living in your nightmare.”
I let Mikey’s message sit in my inbox and went down to dinner.
Thinking about my conversation with Monica, I just couldn’t make up my mind. I wanted my career to take off. I wanted to be an actual adult on my own.
But I’d been shackled with responsibilities. Even though Monica was right, and I was an adult and didn’t need permission, I’d feel too guilty not having it.
I wanted to get out of here even though I loved her.
While we sat at the kitchen table eating carnitas, my mom chattered away. My mother could be doting when she gave us food, but otherwise distant. My little brothers, Sebastian and Brooks, now twenty and twenty-one, shoveled in food and joked about the new superhero movie coming out. I waited for a pause. “I got a job offer today.”
“Mija, that’s wonderful,” said my mom, beaming. “I’m so proud of you. Now you don’t have to worry about Jim’s retirement. Where?”
“At a law firm in Santa Barbara.”
“That’s awesome,” said Brooks.
“Atta girl,” said Sebastian.
But my mom’s face fell. “Santa Barbara? That’s almost two hours away.”
