Page 51 of Trouble in Love
“Fuck. Polly, is that what you think?” I nodded, shedding more tears. That dripped onto his already damp shirt. “Nothing could be further than the truth. Your vulnerability and strength make me want you more, and if I get in the water with you … you know, naked ….”
“Please.” I begged again, “I need you.”
On a sigh that rattled my bones, he nodded before I turned my back to him, lifted my nightgown over my head and shimmed my panties down my hips and legs. He exhales sharply, his warm breath fanning over my shoulder. I pictured the rise and fall of his Adam’s apple in my mind, and longed to take it in, but just couldn’t bear the thought of facing him.
Then he’d know.
Then he’d see.
Silence rippled between us as he took my trembling hand, steadying me while I stepped out of my underwear, and into the water that instantly began to sooth. Not a second after I was settled and safely hidden beneath the bubbles, he was reaching and pulling the back of his shirt over his head, stepping from his shorts, and standing in his tented black boxer briefs. “I’m sorry about … that.” Blushing, he pointed to his obvious boner situation, and I couldn’t help but giggle.
“It’s okay, Luca. It’s nice to know you still want me after everything I told you.”
“Polly, there is nothing you could say that would make me not want you. I know you don’t believe me right now but, but one day, when you’re ready, you will.”
“Tell me three places you want to travel to?” Luca asked as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. The man was a saint. His hard dick had been pressing into the small of my back for a painfully long time, but he hadn’t tried a damn thing.
“Anywhere really. Asia, pretty much all of Europe, but the States was always number one. I even have a work visa. I applied and was approved last year after I heard they had a shortage of ASL interpreters. Mum guilted me into staying though.”
“What’s her deal?” Luca grunted.
“Me and everything I have ever done is her deal. I’ve disappointed her from the minute I popped out, and everything over the last few years has solidified that, especially all the stuff with Nate and Evie. She was friends with both their parents, so yeah. That was not fun for her.”
“Hmm.” Luca’s deep, gruff tone rumbled into my back as tried to Ignore the throb it sent rushing through me. “Will you tell me what really happened with Nate?”
“What really happened with Nate … you know, I don’t think anyone has ever asked me that before.” I huffed out a sigh and sunk as deep as I could into the bubbles. Which wasn’t far since a man mountain with an anaconda between his legs was wrapped around me. “At first, I genuinely thought we might be good together. We’d always gotten along. He was never one of the mean kids. I mean, he called me Polly Waffle, but him, Finn, and Evie were never the ones to taunt me.”
“And when did it change? When did you see him as a ….”
“As a tool?” I finished. “After we first slept together. It was good. He was good. But I could tell he was with me, but not with me. He looked at me with the same wonky, empty grin he won all the tourists over with. That’s when I realized that I’d only ever seen those puppy eyes of his really shine around one person, and it definitely wasn’t me.” I paused when Luca, with the gentlest touch I’d ever felt, swept the hair from my neck andthen caressed my exposed shoulders with the bright purple loofa Holly had given me for my birthday. “From that moment on it became a competition I had to win. Then one day I saw Luke in town. He was visiting his mum and called me over from across the street. I felt like vomiting on the spot and wanted to run. I might have even started to, but then it hit me. I’d been handed a golden opportunity. Evie would breathe fire seeing me and Luke together. So, I crossed the street, and I smiled, and I posed and flirted and made nice with the man who … did that, Luca. I was so disgusted with myself I didn’t show anyone that photo. It stayed hidden in a folder on my phone until Nate dumped me to run away and save Evie. Then it became a weapon, and once I fired that first shot, I couldn’t stop. I had to break her.”
“Did you think it would make you feel better? Hurting her?”
“I don’t think I even cared at that point. Having Luke’s sausage fingers on me again just pulled me further into the dark. I wanted the golden girl to know what that felt like.”
Luca dropped the loofa, but continued to apply feather light touches with his fingertips. “I get that. When Clara left me, I blamed myself for the first little while, but then I got really angry. I wanted her to feel like shit. I wanted him to eat shit, and I wanted someone to pay.”
“But did you? Did you go out of your way to hurt them in return?” The delayed response answered that question. “No, you didn’t. Because you are a good person. I am not.”
Gripping my biceps still hidden beneath the surface, Luca twisted me as much as he could to face him. “No. No, I don’t think it was that. Far from it. No one who holds as much anger towards a dead family member as I do can claim to be inherently good. I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting Mom and Ana. I had too much to lose—my career, my money, pride. And I had too much hate for my dad. Once I saw where I was heading, I refused to let myself sink to his level.”
I studied his face. The sharp angles. The dark eyes that were trained on my lips as his monster cock pressed into my spine. His expression was one of lust and wanting, but there was more there, too. Understanding. Maybe recognition.
The intimacy was too much, so I turned away and again snuggled my back into his chest. Again, he swallowed, and sucked in a slow, deep breath as silence descended. We stayed that way for a while. Him washing me. Me melting into him.
Until.
“Polly, if you could go back in time and change one thing, would it be the night with Luke?”
The answer rolled from my tongue with surprising ease. “No. I think I’d change that last day with Nate and Evie, you know, when I confronted them naked and in his bed.” Luca released a tiny huff of disapproval, maybe jealousy? “I’ll never forget the way Evie looked at me. The pain and betrayal on her face was everything I thought I wanted, but it brought me absolutely none of the satisfaction I’d expected. I should have acknowledged it then, but I was so angry and bitter I couldn’t let it rest.”
Another chest-rumbling growl passed through me. “You know what, Polly? For someone who says they’re bad, rotten, and twisted, you’re the most honest person I’ve ever met. All that stuff you say about yourself is crap. You’re just afraid to be vulnerable, so you do whatever you can to protect yourself. If that means striking first, then that’s what you’ll do. I don’t think that’s because you want to do it. I think that’s because you felt that you had to do it. And that’s not your fault.”
He cocooned around me even tighter and pressed a kiss to my head.
“What about you?” I asked, desperate to shift the conversation from me while simultaneously sinking into his arms. “What would you do over?”
Luca froze. Even the constant, even rise and fall of his chest stilled before he gasped for air. “My dad, Abel. He was a bad guy, Princess. A coward who beat us all and ran off after Ana and I called the cops as we hid from him in the pantry. He didn’t show his face for years, but one day he just turned up and walked in the door like nothing happened. He was sick, you see. Dying of cancer and he wanted to ease his conscience before the Lord, or Satan took him. Because my beautiful, sweet mom has a heart of gold, she didn’t kick him out on his ass like he deserved. She invited him in. Made him food and prayed for him during grace. She even wanted to go to the store and buy him a pint of ice cream to enjoy after his meal. I was so damn angry that he was in our house … that she let the man who tortured us stay, I told her I would go get the ice cream because I couldn’t stand to be near him.”
