Page 93 of Rules in Love
“Possibly. I do find it incredibly sexy tho—”
“Don’t you fuc—freaking dare flirt with me. We’re fighting.”
“We are? I think maybe you are. I came to say sorry, not fight.”
Cocky, arrogant asshole. Dammit, he’s sexy.
“What exactly are you apologizing for, Finn? The whole Jocie-house debacle? Sleeping on my stairs like a bum? Skipping work? Ignoring me? Or bringing Iris over here to soften me up when we hadn’t discussed telling the kids yet? Which, again, I am freaking ecstatic about.”
Finn nodded to each point made and tried to kiss me, but he was too slow. I spun my head, and his lips landed between my cheek and ear and made a horrible squelching noise I would usually laugh at.
“All of the above.” He grabbed me by the shoulder, and this time, a big wet kiss landed. “I freaked out over an argument with Evie, and I just needed to cool off. But I do have to clarify one thing. Yes, Iris is here, but I have no intention of telling the kids about us. I need to protect her, and Ben, for as long as I can. If they got close to us and something happened, I would never forgive myself. I just thought they could run off and play, and then we could run off and play, and it would be like a super-fun playdate.”
I could not have rolled my eyes any harder. “Christ, Finn.Youhave no intention of telling them?Youneed to protect them. Do I get a say at any point? You arrange work opportunities without consulting me. You skip work, go completely off the radar, and turn up here with Iris without checking with me. Do you see a pattern here? ‘Cause I do. Oh, and don’t you worry, I know all about Evie. I called her looking for you, and if you think the reception you’re getting here is rough, wait till you get home.” My rant continued, and Finn just stood there, his expression halfway between amusement and regret, with his arms crossed over his chest. “Even with Evie, you’re trying to decide her relationship status, but you”—I poked his chest—“can’t always be in control…even if you’re convinced what you’re doing is right. People aren’t—”
“I know, I know. People aren’t pens.”
“What?” I wanted to tell him to shut up. I hadn’t even mentioned his plan yet, but the pen thing threw me. So did the continuous wandering of his eyes toward my unfolded laundry. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, and are you even listening? You’re looking at my laundry basket.”
“I am listening. It’s just…” His eyes again darted between me and the basket of clean laundry waiting for my attention on the kitchen table. Unable to deal with it, the doofus began folding it as he spoke. “It’s something Evie said about my pen organizing. She thinks I try to sort and control people like I do my pens…” His voice trailed off as a particularly cumbersome fitted sheet stole his attention.
“Well, she does have a point.” I grabbed the sheet and, much to Finn’s horror, threw it back haphazardly into the basket. “Look, you couldn’t even let my laundry sit unsorted for five seconds while we spoke. Remember folding all the blankets at the hospital? And don’t think I missed how you color-coordinated my underwear drawer. Nice touch with the scented liners, by the way.” Finn slipped me a wink. “I know you want everything to be perfect and in order, but life is not perfect. It’s complicated and messy, and you alone cannot organize and determine the fate of people you care for or maybe even love.”
“Maybe? Red, you’re not talking about us, are you?” I shrugged, maybe pouted a little too. “There is no maybe here. We’re new, I know, but I knew I would love you the first time I saw you, and even more so the first time I heard you say, ‘Christ on a bike.’”
“Don’t be cute,” I snapped.
“You do make apologizing challenging, Miss Grant. No sexiness, no cuteness. What’s a bloke to do?”
I caught a smile with my teeth and forced it into a frown. “Well, among other things, you can start by sitting down and telling me what happened today. And I want the truth. No fudging lying or telling me it’s no big deal. I can see you’ve been upset, and I want to know what is knocking around in that thick fudging noggin of yours.”
Tea was offered, made, and consumed in relative silence. Finn’s bravado disappeared, and the only chatter or laughter in the house was floating down from upstairs.
“Cat got your tongue?” I said, bobbing in his field of sight till I caught his eye. “Come on, Finn. Are we just going to sit in silence?”
“No, I’m sorry, I just…watching you make the tea made me think how much I enjoy everyday things with you.” He sighed and ran his palm down his face. “I’ve just fucked up so much, and I feel so selfish. I tried to do the right thing for you, to look out for you with Herman because you seemed so scared to stand up for yourself, but I overstepped the mark. Now, I’ve done exactly the same thing with Evie and Nate. I can’t seem to help myself, though. What if she falls for him and goes back home? What will that do to Iris? It will completely throw off her routine. I mean, Evie’s the only mum she knows. And what happens if shedoesgo home, and Nate breaks her heart? How can I do anything about it if she’s on the other side of the world?”
Seeing and hearing his distress pushed my own down the list. I leaned over and began rhythmically rubbing circles on his back, “You have to back it up, Finn. For starters, worrying how Evie’s relationship might change things for you isn’t selfish. Anyone with half a brain and an ounce of love for their family would have the same thoughts, but you can be happy and apprehensive at the same time. Look at me, I was equally excited and terrified of being alone with Ben when Teddy and I got separate places, and he was two doors away. But I’ll tell you this, if Evie were to leave—which she is bound to do at some point—yes, it would be a massive change. Iris will probably be sad, and you will be sad too. But you will all be okay. You have to trust the universe will only give you what you can handle.”
Finn sat back in his chair and scoffed, “Pfft. The universe? I dunno, Red. I think both you and I drew short straws as far as the universe goes.”
“We absolutely did,” I agreed, “but I think you and I were also kind of lucky. I think we were allocated two straws. Maybe the first one was a bit of a sick joke, one of those crappy paper ones, but look what the shiny, silvery second one has brought us. We have beautiful kids, homes,andfriends. We have our dream jobs in the most exciting city in the world.”A city you want to leave in under three years.I pressed a kiss to his lips, swallowed my fear, and swept his curls from his eyes. “And we have each other. And even though I am still mad at you, to me, that seems like some pretty bloody long straws with a lot of sucks left in them.”
“That sounds far too sensible and positive for my level of tiredness.” His face dropped loudly onto the table, “So, all-knowing one, what’s the other thing?”
“Huh?”
“You said, ‘For starters’”—insert terrible, snobby English accent muffled by timbre—“which implies that there’s more. What’s the other pearl of wisdom?”
“Oh, yes, number two.” Ask about the plan. Ask about the plan.“Do you even know how serious things are between Evie and Nate?”Idiot. “From what I heard, up until you stomped out, they’d had one kiss. This relationship may turn out to be a harmless couple of nights of rumpy-pumpy, and that’s it.”
Finn lifted his head from the table and feigned dry-retching. “God, I think I’m gonna puke. Please don’t ever say rumpy-pumpy when referencing my sister. Actually, never say it again about anybody. It reminds me of my nanna.”
I slapped him with a towel. “My point is, you’ve already got her barefoot and pregnant and shipped back to Byron before you even know what’s going on. Slow down. Talk to them and see where things go. Evie is a big and terrifying girl, and I’m confident she can handle herself.”
“No, no, you’re right. It’s just…the thing is… it hit me today how fast things are changing. I like and am used to routine, Red. And please don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I’m unhappy with everything, especially you, but I’m scrambling to keep up with the pace. I drove to Long Island this morning just to sit and think, but my brain just kept going round and round in circles.” He suddenly stood, carried the empty mugs to the counter, and began to fill the sink. “Since Shelby died, things have been tough for us, Scar. Really tough. And I know I am not alone in that. I know single-parent life has been bloody hard for you, too.” He added some soap with a farty sound and began to wash. “For years, my world was tiny—just work, home, and Iris. That was it. Now, I’m here in New York. Iris is growing like a weed, Evie is sleeping with my best friend, and I’m here, washing the dishes of this amazing, stunning woman my brain doesn’t possess the power to dream up. Sometimes…it’s all a bit much.”
Joining him at the sink, I stood behind him with my arms around his waist and my head tucked between his shoulder blades. “I get all that. I know how hard change is, and these kids are growing up so fast. But change can be a good thing, too. If Evie and Nate are serious, they could be great together. And look at us. If I never hog-tied you with my golden lasso and then dry-humped you over a balcony, things may not have changed between us, and you’d still be at work, thinking about me as you flog off in the toilets.”
