Page 130 of Beast and Remedy
I try to force my panic to leave my system just so I can gain some semblance of control.
Control, Vi. You need to get a hold of yourself.
I push every emotional thought down, needing to focus and stop shaking.
But the weight—thefailure—bashes back, pounding and striking me with haunting images drenched with red. Withblood.
So. Much. Blood.
I grasp for air, struggling as memories and lifeless eyes flash in my mind.
I hate falling into this place of uncertainty. Uncertainty with myself, my thoughts, my feelings.
I can’t fucking breathe.
Heat presses into my back, startling me. “Come here, Rosebud.”
A grumble vibrates in my throat, and I ignore Beau, needing to gather myself.
But Beau has none of it. He snakes his arms around my trembling body, his legs stretching across my sides. “Let me hold you, my love.”
His words strip me bare, removing all my fight, as he guides my back against his chest.
I’m barricaded, vulnerable and utterly enveloped by him and his love.
He murmurs, “Let it out. Let itallout.”
I surrender my control, clinging to him as my screams unravel.
Shudders and sorrows draw out each harrowing shriek, and Beau does not move.
He does not budge. Or wince. Or react.
He just…holdsme. A balm keeping me together as inconsolable fear, stress, grief, and trauma seep out from the cage I’ve kept a lock on for so long.
Angling toward him, I grip his tunic and nuzzle into his chest, inhaling the sweet citrus scent.
He cradles me, his love encircling me as my emotions bottom out and my tears stop.
Time drifts before the wrath and the despondence in my bones ebb, my shaking limbs slowly relaxing.
Beau’s steady presence remains immovable, an unwavering resilience cocooning me. He plays with my waves, his lips occasionally pressing into my scalp.
When my screams quiet and my breathing evens, he finally speaks.
“I’ve always known you prefer to keep things bottled up for long periods of time. And I’ve always known you are stubborn and determined to carry the weight of your burdens all on your own. But Vi”—he finds my chin, tilting it up to meet his gaze—“you are thefarthestthing from stupid.”
“Beau—”
His grip tightens. “You are one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. And you want to know why? It’sbecauseyou’re stubborn and determined. Stubborn to learn everything. Determined to grow.” His thumb caresses my jaw. “But learning and growing don’t only come from knowledge you can pull from a book. They come from watching, from observing, and from making mistakes. And they come from sharing your burdens, relying on others and trusting them to help you, too. Those are all elements that help us learn. Help us grow.”
The corner of his lip lifts. “And I know you already know everything I am telling you, but your stubbornness needs the reminder.”
I roll my eyes, unable to hide my small snort from his quip.
Beau kisses me before whispering. “Look, we know a mistake has been made, so we will learn. We will grow. And we will help each other.”
But his comforting words don’t relinquish the hesitation clinging to me. He’s asking me to share another burden with him when he’s already helping me buy time to save my sister and help me create a remedy for the infection.
