Page 197 of Frost and Death
I don’t know how to even tell him everything I discovered the other night. Plus, he is going to arrive here any minute to escort me, and my hair isn’t ready.
Dorit pins small plaits to the back of my scalp, pulling most of my face-framing strands away while still leaving some space for my crown to rest on my head.
I distract my thoughts and focus on lining my eyes with smashed kohl. I don’t want it heavy but enough to make my eyes stand out more than normal.
Deities, I wish Betina was here to help me.
When I finish, a long breath of air escapes at the success of not looking like a forest creature. A miracle from the Makers themselves.
Dorit’s excitement is visible in the reflection. “Are you ready to change?” she calls back as she takes a box from a staff member at the door.
Dorit places the box on the bed and my stomach flips. I recognize the packaging from his grandmother’s shop, and as Dorit removes the lining, we both gasp.
A magnificent, tight-bodiced gown is surrounded by its full skirt. I run my hands over the smooth fabric, marveling at the intricate designs, unable to fathom the amount of time Jerrick’s grandmother put into this.
Black and red are woven and sewn together, sheer fabrics layered over one another.
I take the dress out of the box, and my heart lifts at the ruffled layers of the skirt, a thigh-high slit on one side, and off-the-shoulder sleeves dripping with delicate gold chains.
My lip quivers as I clutch the gown to my chest at the realization.
Jerrick had this madesolong ago. Back when we first discussed the festivities and he suggested black, while I suggested red, and Jonas, gold.
If my mouth could fall to the floor at this moment, I am sure it would have.
Dorit’s brows furrow. “Tove, you’re crying,” she says, taking the gown and placing it on the bed.
She helps dry my damp cheeks, but I can’t stop the emotions.
This is too much.
The unbearable feeling strikes my heart. I cover my mouth and sob harder at the magnitude of Jerrick’s quiet, observing thoughtfulness. Everything Jerrick has done and still does drives my shame deeper. I am truly undeserving of such kindness.
Dorit’s arms wrap around me, and even that makes me feel awful.
“This is too much, Dorit. I don’t deserve anything,” I sob as guilt takes over.
“Oh,” she murmurs into my ear, hugging me tighter.
Clutching Dorit tightly, I try to brave through my weakness and push on past the storm of talking to Niko and Jerrick. I haven’t done anything helpful for Jerrick, and he goes and does this selfless thing for me.
I hate how he snuck up on me.
Every glance, smirk, retort, and touch thawed my heart into caring about him and understanding him. He isn’t even in the room with me, and my heart is soaring, trying to reason my feelings.
Why is he affecting me so much?
“Jerrick has done terrible things, yet here he is, doing kind things for me? I don’t understand it,” I mutter.
“He has saved my life twice and has helped me with my magic while my mother has cursed his family line. He has been stuck with his enemy, trying to break a curse he doesn’t even deserve to have. I can’t tell if he is using me for some greater purpose. Does he feel bad for me? Is he just being kind to me? I don’t know.”
I groan in frustration as guilt eats away at me.
He never deserved any of this to happen to him. And it’s my mother’s fault.
I hug Dorit tighter. Another person who has been kind to me, while I’ve been sneaking around and biding my time, while Niko plans to attack her home, all so I can return to my kingdom.
Someone else I don’t deserve.
