Page 173 of Frost and Death
He stands, and I hide under the sheets, my blush worsening. Boots clank on the stone floor, and a belt is unfastened.
I sneak a peek but have to return to normal because he faces me, peeling the blankets back and sending a gust of air around as he climbs in. My eyebrows rise a little in curiosity as he takes a long breath.
Jerrick lies close as he rests on his back, lifting an arm above him and tilting his head over. He then rolls and faces me, tucking a hand under his pillow and mirroring my movements.
We stare into each other’s eyes.
“I—” We catch the other one wanting to speak and say in unison, “You go first.”
I laugh out loud, and Jerrick smirks. Sweet Makers, his smile is devastating. My laugh quiets, and this peace over him being so close soothes me.
“I have to admit something,” he says.
Alarm has me wondering what else he could possibly disclose to me. I remain silent, unsure of what to expect, and he takes my silence as a chance to speak.
“This isn’t the first time I have checked on you.”
Guilt forms a tight knot in my chest, worry churning into nausea. “Oh?” I ask curiously, part of me wondering if he has overheard anything of me reaching home.
“I try to check on you most nights before I go to my own chambers, to make sure you’re alright.”
My heart lurches in my throat at the confession. “Y-You do?”
Sweet Makers, does he know?
“It’s just… I just—” He breaks off, looking down. “I remember the one nightmare you had on the road. I felt awful about it, knowing you had shit you were going through, and I felt terrible having added to that mess.”
The rapid increase of my heart slows, relieved it was not what I thought it was, yet still skips a beat from his kindness. I fidget my feet under the covers, unsure of what I did to deserve this.
“Th-Thank you,” I squeak, my skin heating when his eyes find mine.
Shame and embarrassment make me feel like an inferno.Especiallywhen Jerrick’s dimple appears. I wish my magic had been invisibility so I could hide from everything and everyone and not deal with any of this.
My thoughts drift to earlier in the night.
The way Niko and I ended our conversation, the nightmare, and Jerrick.
I bury my face into my pillow, ashamed of this mess I’ve made. I need to fix this—and fast.
“Frostbite,” Jerrick begins.
I lift my head and pinch my features into something that hopefully conveys I am okay and not being tortured by this festering guilt.
He reaches and combs through my hair, moving it away from my face. “I am here, and I’ve always got you. You need only ask.” His forehead rests on mine, and I close my eyes, my heart sputtering again.
I keep my eyes shut, hoping this moment will stop time, and I can remain here forever.
Everything between Jerrick and me has been chaos, yet we’ve worked together and have attempted to help each other. I want to let him in more. I want to help him and myself.
I care about everyone here. They all pushed and tugged their way into my fractured heart, having found and sewn pieces together that Niko and Betina have struggled to find for years.
Everyone here in Palaena has peeled away the tight mask I have become so used to wearing, making me feel seen more as a person beyond my abilities and beyond my role as a queen. They have each brought out a part of me I forgot existed, as if my heart and mind themselves had lost them.
But something about my time with Jerrick has gone deeper than that.
It’s as if he has exposed every flaw, every issue, and every problem I’ve ever had with myself, that others have had with me, and doesn’t back away. It was not something I imagined anyone doing because I thought I had to do that myself.
And yet here they all are, making me not feel like a monster.
