Page 37 of Frost and Death
Humiliation heats my cheeks as Rick leaves, my proximity to Niko shattering any chances I had of finding a suitor.
I bury my face in my hands as Niko laughs.
“What a dick.”
I flick my head up, stunned he finds humor in this. “What the fuck is your problem?”
Niko’s eyebrows rise in question before he gives me a reply. “Nothing is my problem. I was trying to—”
“You were trying to what, Nikolaj?” I demand, fury crashing against me.
He isn’t the one who looks compromised. I am. He isn’t the one needing to marry. I am.
“I was trying to—”
“Trying towhat?” I’m too impatient to hear another excuse.
Everything is ruined now.Everything.
It doesn’t help my feelings for Niko are tangled together in the midst of it all. I agreed to him pretending to show an interest in me in hopes it would lure in more men, but with his actions last night and this morning and now—fuck!
Desperately, I seek to have him be a part of my life, but I can’t interpret the differences between when he is flirting with me for the sake of our plan and when he is being my royal advisor.
A heavy weight presses on me.
I fight against my failure sending me down the same tear-filled spiral. Anger is easier to lean into as I trudge through, voicing the flaws he threw in my face earlier.
“What were you trying to tell me? That I am not good enough? Or that I need to work on myself?” I sneer, standing and reaching for the medicine bag.
Snatching the herbs, I stuff them into my mouth before throwing the bag down and clenching my fists. I scrutinize him as my magic jolts to life.
My breath is visible, and Niko’s eyes widen.
My heart crumbles.
I fight against showing how much it hurts to see, but my voice cracks as I half laugh. “Oh, yes, let us not forget they also wouldn’t want to marry me like this!” I gesture to my hands through my anger turned defeat, opening them to emphasize the frost plaguing my kingdom.
Niko studies me, his chest rising and falling.
Closing my eyes, I inhale a deep breath, reveling in the power.
I sink into it, seeking the familiarity of my magic to comfort me. Basking in that aid, I surrender to the bitter cold soothing me before nullifying itself.
The silence in the room is an added blessing, which assists me in calming the blizzard raging within.
When I open my eyes, the visible breath is no more.
Niko’s amber eyes, still wide, study me, even as I lower my hands with exhaustion.
Just break my heart already and let me be.
I ask again through my blurred vision, “So what else are you trying to say,Nikolaj?”
My ferocity falls away underneath his stare.
The muscles in his jaw tics as he breaks contact, the side of his face dancing with light from the fire.
Tension increases my heartbeat, as I brace for his rejection to finally be voiced.
