Page 240 of Frost and Death
His features are hard and serious and yet so damned handsome. His scar and dimple tug at my heart, and I curse this heartbreak.
It is an out-of-body experience with how many tears I shed. Even if I tried to breathe, I do not think I could stop. I fully embrace being the epitome of sorrow and despair now.
A fitting punishment.
I struggle to blink the tears away, annoyed they are ruining the image of Jerrick I am desperately trying to etch in my mind. I try to focus on him, but the more I try, the more my soul is breaking.
Each crack is its own fracture, an open wound that will break again and again and again. I know what comes next, and my heart shatters repeatedly.
I turn from his stare, covering my face once more before even giving him a chance to speak. I tremble through each sob. “I-I-I am so sorry.”
I just need to let the tears run their course. And then maybe I can look at him again. Deities, will I ever be deserving of even that?
I lose myself deeper into my own personal Oblivion.
“Look at me, Frostbite.Please,” he urges.
I sniff, trying to brave through meeting his gaze once more.
Jerrick cradles my face, his thumbs drying away my tears. His blue eyes stare deep into me, his gaze softening.
“Don’t you understand?” I shake my head as Jerrick lifts his lips. “I already have it all.”
“But you don’t. You need to leave me and go be free.”
“No, Tove. I told you I wasn’t going anywhere, and I meant it.”
“You’restillcursed, Jerrick,” I sigh, hating he is making this harder than this is.
“Not anymore.”
My mind goes blank, unease settling in my gut. “H-How do you know?”
Jerrick breathes, taking a more pleading, serious tone. “I know because, when I came to check on you that one night, I wasscaredwhen I heard you screaming and found you on that ledge. And then when we went hunting? I watched the only person I’ve ever truly cared about these last five years drown. Sweet Makers, I can’t even begin to tell you the sheer terror that ran through me when I reached you in the water.” He closes his eyes and looks away. “Your skin was so gray. Your lips were so blue. And all I could think was,What if I never get to see her eyes open again?”
The break in his voice makes me wish I never caused him so many problems.
Jerrick turns to me, eyes rimmed with tears.
He swallows, pressing on. “I know because, even when the night of the ball arrived, I was shaking the entire day, filled with nerves and a weird unfamiliar feeling I couldn’t put my finger on. I know because my entire world illuminated when you laid eyes on that piano, and something inside of me lit up, too. And I know because, when I spent an entire night with you, I woke the next morning with a peace I hadn’t felt in a long time.”
My eyes widen. “But—”
He stops me, holding my hands and leaning in. “Even when Jonas told us everything the following morning, even when I asked you if this was all a distraction.”
My heart pounds in my ears as I try to wrap my mind around everything he is saying.
“I woke that morning, and you shifted before my very eyes. And after news broke about the fighting? That—that fucking sucked. And no matter how much it tore me apart to watch you deflect my questions, what really broke me was your hope of a divorce.”
“I was trying to help you!” I blink away my tears. “Even if I broke my own heart in the process, I wanted you to have the chance to break your curse. I never wanted to hurt you.”
He consoles me, pure understanding in his gaze. “I know. I never wanted to hurt you, either. But my powers just…surged. I didn’t know how to handle it, and I didn’t understand what was happening. So, I was stupid and reckless and hid it away from you, as you did me.”
I sniff, remembering my own mask slipping when his showed.
Seeing him fighting his tears, the two most injured people from the battle are me and him, and I hate that sharp-edged truth.
Jerrick strains to keep his composure, and my soul breaks to see him like this.
