Page 138 of Frost and Death
She runs to the mirror on her end, gasping in joy. “Tove!”
Through my blurry vision, I laugh with relief at my dearest friend’s reaction. “Betina.”
Her joy is infectious, and I imagine her arms wrapping around me, encasing me with her scent of nutmeg and cloves.
My cheeks hurt from grinning at the scent that is home.
“I don’t know whether to scream at you or hear you out,” she starts, readying to scold me.
Her lips fold into themselves, and I know she wants to refrain from lecturing me, her queen, but also reprimanding her friend.
My glee is gone, replaced with a grimace as pain etches in her features. “I know. I know.”
Her eyes peer into mine, and I can’t stop wiping away the dampness on my cheeks.
“Tove,” Betina starts with a long sigh, drawing my attention to her softened gaze, “we were so worried the last time you reached out. And you did not get to show Niko your magic.”
I turn away, glancing out the window. “I was upset and scared,” I admit.
“Why?” Betina tilts her head with worry. “You were so happy when you said my name, but you changed before my very eyes the more you spoke to us.”
I give her a knowing look, and her mouth falls in surprise.
“Don’t even think that. You have no idea how badly Niko fell apart when you severed the connection. He is worried about you. He misses you. And he wants you to be here with him.”
A hint of frustration is etched in her tone. The doubt from her words does nothing to make me feel better.
“He broke down?”
“Yes, Tove.Ofcoursehe broke down. Niko has been coming in every day, trying to count down how many days he has left until he gets to see you again.”
My stomach flips, and my heart surges. I rub my chest as my lip wobbles, still unsure what to believe.
“He—he does?”
“Yes, Tove.Every day,” Betina says again. “He has had no one to confide in with while you’ve been gone. Niko rants and complains every time he receives letters from Palaena. And even though he is happy to see your name on those, most days, hisdetermination and jealousy get the better of him. It is tearing him apart to be separated from you.”
I resign at Betina’s words, a pain in my throat making it hard to even speak.
I know Niko is determined and jealous—I’ve seen bits of it when we have spoken. And to take away his brief glimpse of happiness the other day builds regret in my bones.
“Oh Deities, I am awful.” I cover my face.
“No, you are not awful. What is awful is that he complains to me. Every day,” she says. “Do you know how annoying that is?”
I half laugh, lowering my hands to look back.
A half smile forms through her pain-stricken eyes.
“He misses you so much. It’s physically painful to see. Niko has been throwing himself into training every man as well as himself from sunrise to sunset. He loves you so much.”
Her voice turns grave, and tears sting my eyes.
“He is so excited to see you, but he was stricken with anxiety last time. I told him I would smooth things over with you the next time we heard from you and give you two a chance to speak alone next time. And don’t think I do not know how much you are missing him, too. I know you are as stressed as he is.”
I crumple underneath her gaze, my resolve to keep everything together breaking apart at the seams.
“I’m sorry, Betina,” I cry out. “It hurt to see him so happy and not be there for him. But what really hurts is that I am not getting the answers I need or improving fast enough with my gifts. I want to return home, but I also don’t want there to be a battle. I just want to help everyone.”
