Page 37 of A Touch of Magic at the Comfort Food Café
He unbolts the patio doors, and pushes them open. I turn on the outside lights and the terrace is illuminated. I smile at the familiar sights out here: the table and chairs where I’ve spent so many hours, the barbecue I cracked out for the twins’ amusement every summer, the low-maintenance shrubs and plants that are now looking a little neglected. I’ll have to arrange for someone to come and tend to them over the spring, I think. I can’t let them fade and die. It’s not their fault I don’t want to live here anymore.
Aidan prowls around the perimeter, looking inside the small shed that contains nothing but a few gardening tools and some bags of soil. He comes back to me and says: ‘I think that’s everything. How are you feeling now?’
His face is half in shadow, and he reaches out to smooth my hair away from my face. ‘Better. Thank you. I feel like an idiot.’
‘Don’t. It’s not often I get to feel macho, living on my own with a bunch of dogs. You did me a favour. Gave me the chance to earn some man points.’
‘Are there points?’
‘Yeah,’ he says, grinning. ‘When you’ve got enough, you can claim a ride-on lawn mower, or an electric chainsaw. It’s real nice out here, by the way. I love the countryside, but something about the city at night is beautiful in its own way, isn’t it?’
I look out across my little corner of London. Stars in the sky, moonlight on the rooftops, traffic glittering into the distance, every brightly lit window telling its own tale. I nod. I’ve always thought the same. I’ve spent many evenings sitting out here with a glass of wine, making up stories about the lives going on all around me.
‘It is. But I’m also bloody freezing now. Come on in, and I’ll make us both a cocoa.’
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I decide they make me sound like a grandma. But hey, what can I say? I’m not the kind of cool person who whips up a vodka martini while listening to jazz albums. It’s more likely to be hot chocolate and a good book.
Within a few minutes we are settled on the sofa, forced to sit close to each other because there is only one. The doors to the garden are locked, the heating is on, and we have blankets thrown over us as we nurse our mugs of cocoa.
‘So,’ he says, keeping his tone neutral, ‘do you want to talk about it? No pressure if not. I’m happy to provide security services for free.’
It’s understandable that he asks. And opening up to Cherie helped, made it all feel like less of a guilty secret. I have nothing to feel guilty about, and maybe the more I talk about it, the less shameful it will feel. None of this comes naturally to me, though, and he seems to know that. He stays silent, sipping his drink, his face behind a cloud of steam.
‘I had a relationship,’ I begin, hoping I can condense it this time, and possibly not cry. ‘It ended a year ago, but it did not end well. The man in question used a fake identity and was actually married with children. He… Uh, in modern parlance I suppose he was a gaslighter. He made me feel like I was going mad, while at the same time infiltrating not just my physical and emotional life, but also my… my space. He got keys made to this place,installed spyware on my phone, and he invaded pretty much every aspect of my privacy.’
There. I’m getting better at this. Aidan’s nostrils flare and his eyes narrow, and I can see that he is upset. He nods, taking it all in. ‘How did you find out?’
‘The traditional way. I hired a private eye! I’d started to have my suspicions by that stage, and she confirmed them. A lot of this stuff would have been hard to prove; he never stole anything, or physically hurt me, and he could have argued that he was innocent of all of it I suppose. Anyway. I ended it, but he didn’t take that news gracefully. Since then, he’s kind of… pestered me. Small things on the surface, but enough to remind me that he’s around. That he’s still watching. That I haven’t quite broken free of him.’
He glances at the coffee table in front of us and the white envelope that threw me into such a panic. ‘Like that?’ he asks.
I nod and reach out for it. I’m finally calm enough. Inside the envelope I find a birthday card, for an eighteen-year-old girl. There is no message inside it. With shaking hands, I pass it to Aidan.
He examines it, and I see the little muscles of his jaw flex before he speaks. ‘I see what you mean. This by itself isn’t threatening. But because it’s from him, it’s basically saying ‘I know things about you and your life’. It’s another intrusion. I’m… Damn, Sarah, I’m so sorry this happened to you. It explains why you can be so jumpy.’
‘Don’t count on it,’ I reply, managing a smile, ‘I was always a little on the nervous side. Just the way I’m made, I guess.’
‘Is this why you moved away? To escape him?’
‘That was one of the reasons, but not the only one. And I’m glad I did. I’m enjoying life in Budbury. I’m enjoying the café, and the community, and the… other attractions.’
He tilts his head to one side and gives me a killer smile. ‘Well, who can blame you? I’m glad you moved there too. I just wish this wasn’t still hanging over your head. You never wanted to go to the cops? Get a restraining order?’
I shake my head, feeling the usual sense of disquiet when I think about it. ‘No. I maybe should have done. Partly, I wasn’t convinced he’d done anything serious enough for the police to listen to me. Partly, I just wanted it to go away, you know? I wanted him to go away. Going through it all via the legal system would have dragged out the violation. And beneath all of that, I suppose there was an element of me blaming myself for what happened. For trusting the wrong person.’
Aidan nods, and his face is grim. ‘I get it. It wasn’t your fault, though, and these jerks play on the fact that women tend to do that, to find fault with themselves, to take responsibility when things go wrong. My sister had a similar experience a few years ago. This guy she’d met had her convinced she’d asked for it, had her doubting herself and her own judgement all the time.’
‘I’m sorry. What happened there?’
‘My dad happened. He came through. When I found out what this guy was doing, I wanted to go round and beat the crap out of him, but my dad… well, I suppose in some ways he’s cleverer than I am. He got him fired, persuaded his landlord to evict him, and then his new place was raided by the police, who found a ton of cocaine in his closet. Ihave a suspicion it wasn’t his. My dad is a ruthless bastard, but in this case, I didn’t object.’
My eyes widen at the story. ‘Wow. Well, he might be a bastard, but at least he believed her. My dad would probably accuse me of leading him on.’
‘Yeah. I can see that. But your dad, as discussed earlier, is an asshole. Look, I’m going to stay here tonight, okay?’
A sudden rush of thoughts and feelings hits me all at once. I stay silent and try to pick my way through them.
‘Don’t say no,’ he adds, looking at me intensely. ‘I’ll sleep on the couch, and I promise I won’t flirt past your comfort zone. I just want to be here with you. Please, don’t say no.’
