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He winks at me, ensuring that I do, then says he’s off to find more drinks. He kisses me on the forehead before he goes.

I can’t take my eyes off him as he walks away, and I’m only brought back from my lustful trance when Sally pokes me on the shoulder with her skeleton hand. I turn back to face her. She’s sipping on a Murderous Martini.

‘I’ve never seen you look at a man like that,’ she announces. ‘Not even Will, and you actually married him. Could it be that my sister is finally inluuuurrrve?’

I am shocked by the very idea and shake my head vigorously, feeling my Morticia hair swishing over my back. ‘No! Of course not!’

‘Why do you sound so horrified? It’s nice! It’s lovely! It’s delightful. It makes the world go round, didn’t you hear?’

‘I did hear, but I never believed it. I’m sure the world goes round because of something complicated to do with the astrophysics of the solar system.’

‘Pah! Trust me, I’m a doctor.Lovemakes the world go round, not physics. In fact, I have you to thank for reminding me of that. It was seeing you and Aidan together at the twins’ party that made me realise just how unhappy I was with Ollie.’

I freeze, my blood turning cold in my veins. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean that I saw the way Aidan looked at you. Saw the way he, I don’t know, cherished you even. Every time he laid his hand on the small of your back, or held you in his arms, he was just so… respectful. Loving, but respectful. Like he couldn’t believe his luck, like you were a precious object. Not gonna lie, I was a bit jealous. Things hadn’t been good with me and Ollie for ages, but that pushed me over the edge. I want that, too. I want to be seen the way Aidan sees you, and if Ollie can’t do that, then… well, then I suppose it’s over. I’d rather be alone than settle for second best.’

I desperately wish I hadn’t agreed to drive now, because I really could murder a Martini. If I’m interpreting this correctly, then one of the reasons my sister has walked out on her husband of twenty years is because of me. Because of Aidan. Because of our charade. I grab my water and gulp some down. I have to tell her. Awkward as this is, I can’t allow my silly games to influence such a major life decision. What if this separation sticks? What if my darling Lucy and Libby lose their stable family home, at least in part because of me? No. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

I reach out and grab her hand, making sure she’s looking at me and not at the dancefloor. Admittedly that’s hard, because a whole room full of people is doing the Michael Jackson ‘Thriller’ stomp, and it’s quite the sight.

‘Sally, listen to me.’ She turns back, grinning. ‘None of it was real,’ I tell her.

‘None of what was real?’

‘None of me and Aidan. We’re not a couple. He’s not my boyfriend. I’m not in love and he doesn’t cherish me… It was all an act. Please don’t judge Ollie by a lie.’

She frowns, looking understandably confused. ‘More detail please.’

I sigh out my tension and swallow down the embarrassment. This needs to come out.

‘Aidan is a friend, nothing more. In fact I barely know him. I asked him to be my date, to pretend to be with me, because I wanted to come to the twins’ party and for once not be the loser of the family.’

‘That’s how you feel? Like the loser of the family? You, the one who has the world at your feet and a career we’re all in awe of?’

I nod, surprised at the comment. ‘Yes. Me, the one who got divorced and can’t make a relationship work and never had kids. The one you all think is a bit of a freak. You all have me tucked away in a little box, and I suppose I wanted to break out of it.’

She opens her mouth to object, but closes it again. ‘Actually, okay. I see where you’re coming from. I can see why you felt like that. But Sarah… you brought a fake boyfriend to my daughters’ birthday party? You introduced him to the girls, to our parents?’

I hold my face in my hands. I feel so ashamed of myself. Not only did I lie in the beginning, but I also let it drag on for this long. I look back up.

‘Yeah. I did. Aidan is… Well, Aidan is a great guy, but it is not and never has been a relationship.’

She stares at me and asks: ‘How are you defining relationship? You said you’re friends?’

‘Yes, but nothing more! I know he kissed me at the party, but that was all for show… and now I feel like an idiot. You mustn’t base any of your decisions about Ollie on me and my pathetic little need to appear cool.’

I expect her to be angry and annoyed, to shout at me, or at the very least to ruthlessly mock me. I’ve just given her the best ammunition she’s had in years.

What I very much don’t expect is for her to laugh. Long, hard, and genuine. To the point where she has tears rolling down her cheeks and is holding her sides. I look on in confusion as she chortles.

‘Oh, sis,’ she says, once she’s able to breathe again, ‘you really are brilliant, you know! I never would have expected you to do something like that. Me? Yes, I’d do anything for attention, we all know that. But you? You’d usually do anything to avoid it! Oh god, this is so funny…’

I’m relieved, I suppose, in a way, but also a little affronted that I’m now a laughing stock. I guess I deserve it.

‘I’m glad I’m entertaining.’

‘Oh you are. You really are! Mainly because you’re talking complete bullshit, and you don’t even know it!’