Page 46 of Starting Over in Starshine Cove
“Yeah,” Sophie replies. “They ended up sleeping in the barn. It was only us who decided to make a run for it, because we were so wet, and because we’re giant wusses I suppose. We just wanted to be in the warm with mattresses and blankets.”
“Can’t say that I blame you, love.”
“I’m amazed you’re still awake though,” she continues, glancing at the kitchen clock on the wall behind me. “I assumed you’d have been in bed for hours by now. Don’t you have work in the morning?”
I realise that I have absolutely no idea what time it is, and turn around to check for myself. I do a little double take when I see that it’s almost two in the morning. Wow. Time flies when you’re having fun. And sleeping through movies.
“Umm, yeah, I do. Might open up an hour later than usual. Like Zack said, we just fell asleep. By accident. Because we’re, you know, ancient.”
Sophie gives me a slightly suspicious look, and I stop talking – I think I might be straying into the-lady-doth-protest-too-much territory. I force myself to meet her gaze head on. I have nothing to hide. Well, I do, but I am determined to hide it.
“You two should go and get into some dry clothes,” I say, using my best mother-knows-best voice. I add: “You’ll catch your death,” just for fun.
Zack has been taking in this whole exchange, perched on the edge of the dining table. He straightens up, and announces: “I’m exhausted. I’m going to head back to the Starshine Inn. Marcy, Sophie, do as Connie says. You’ll be off to Crete soon and you don’t want to be doing it with a cold, do you?”
I nod in grown-up agreement. Gosh, we are absolutely nailing this responsible parenting thing.
Both of our daughters, miraculously, do as they are told. I think they’re too fatigued to resist. They head off upstairs, leaving behind a soaking wet, half-unpacked tent that is now sitting in a pool of rain on my kitchen floor tiles.
“I suppose I really had better be going,” Zack says, swiping his eyes with his hands. “I am actually tired.”
“You didn’t seem tired a few minutes ago.”
“I know. Strange that, isn’t it? It’s like I found a reserve of extra energy from somewhere.”
I laugh, and walk with him and Bear to the door. He pauses just before he opens it, and leans down to kiss me. It’s on thelips, and it is lovely, but it is a pale imitation of the kisses we shared earlier. The moment has been well and truly shattered.
“See you tomorrow?” he asks, looking at me a little uncertainly. Maybe he thinks the moment isn’t just shattered, it’s gone forever. Maybe this gorgeous man, despite his surface style and sleek confidence, is capable of feeling insecure as well.
I stand up on my tippy-toes and give him another kiss – one with a bit more oomph to it.
“You most definitely will,” I reply. “To be continued.”
He smiles and disappears off into the wild and windy night. It’s still raining heavily, and the wind is howling up from the bay. I watch until he is gone from sight, and close the door. I lean against it, and let out a loud sigh.
I am tired, of course I am – but I also feel more alive than I have for years. Every part of me is tingling. Every part of me feels hopeful. Every cell in my body feels electrified.
I head up the stairs, and feel like I am floating all the way to my bed.
THIRTEEN
I wake up the next day feeling both incredibly good, and incredibly terrified. But even the terrified is enjoyable in its own way. It’s exciting – a fun kind of terrifying, the kind that makes your nerves sizzle and your heart beat faster. The kind that reminds you that anything worth having comes with its own set of risks.
I only managed a few hours’ sleep, which I don’t suppose was surprising. I had an extended nap during most ofPaddingtonand beyond, plus I was just too wired to fall into anything resembling a deep slumber. I felt like I’d injected caffeine directly into my veins, I was so hyped up.
The rest that I did manage to get was fitful and full of vivid dreams. Some were strange and psychedelic, almost like some kind of acid trip involving Labradors that could talk and tents that flew through the sky like flocks of geese relocating to warmer climates. My other dreams were… well, my other dreams were quite clearly related to my intimacy with Zack. Which is of course a polite way of saying I was having sex dreams – absolutely gorgeous sex dreams as well! So gorgeous that every time I drifted anywhere close to consciousness, I’d try to go back to sleep and pick up where I left off.
Needless to say, when I finally wake up properly at just after seven a.m., I have a very big, very stupid smile on my face.
I lie in bed for a few minutes, letting my mind roam free, letting my imagination go crazy. It might only have been a bit of a snog and a bit of a fumble last night, but it had a spectacular effect on me. It’s like a button has been switched, and I am suddenly sensationally aware of what I have been missing for so long. My whole body is craving more, to the point where I’m starting to think this whole menopause thing is a myth – because right now I feel like a teenaged girl who has just realised what all the fuss is about when it comes to sex.
I had genuinely forgotten how fantastic it can feel to spend time with the right man, to be swept away by the right chemistry – or maybe I hadn’t forgotten exactly, I’d just suppressed the memory because it made me too sad to remember it and then live without it.
I climb out of bed, opening the curtains to see that it is still raining lightly. The sun is bright and clear though, the sky a vibrant pastel blue despite the downpour, seagulls streaking white stripes across the heavens. It’s perfect rainbow weather, I reckon, with all that sunshine and the ongoing shower. I love rainbows, so that is a very good omen.
I have a quick shower, do what I can with my hair, and get dressed. As I add a pair of pretty earrings with tiny dangling seashells, I realise that I am not at all worried about my clothes, or whether I should wear make-up, or how I should look when I see Zack again later today. That comes as a bit of a relief, because I’d found it super-stressful when I was getting ready for my dates. I’d maybe expected that I would feel the same today, and it is a joy to find out that I don’t. In fact, I feel extremely groovy, baby.
Last night, I was dressed in my scruffs and had been at work all day – and Zack still wanted me. It would be the very heightof stupidity to wake up today and become obsessed with my appearance, when he clearly likes what he sees already.
