Page 35 of Starting Over in Starshine Cove
“Okay – well, do you think that maybe you’re being extra fussy because deep down, you don’twantto meet anyone?”
“This from the man who dumped a woman for not knowing aboutTiswas?”
“Fair point, well made. But that’s what I mean. The women I’ve dated – I’ve known they weren’t right from the start. Yes, they were attractive, and yes, I’m a man so I noticed that – but I knew none of those relationships were going anywhere long-term. You say you don’t fancy Laurence, but is it possible that you’ve just… I don’t know, switched off from that side of life? Is it possible you wouldn’t fancy anyone?”
I gulp down some G&T, and look past him at the view. I’m finding it especially fascinating right now. Zack is wrong, of course – I haven’t switched off from that side of life, I now realise. And it is possible for me to fancy someone. The problem is, he’s sitting right across from me, intent on counselling me on how to find another man. That’s pretty messed up.
Maybe I should just say it. Maybe I should simply tell him how I feel and ask him if he’d be interested in some afternoon delight while the girls are away. It’s been a long time since I had that kind of delight, in the afternoon or any other time, and I feel a little thrum inside me as I imagine it. It’s been a long time since I felt a little thrum as well.
I turn back to look at Zack, and can’t help grinning as I imagine how shocked he’d be if I propositioned him. Probably horrified too.
“What’s so funny?” he asks, frowning in confusion.
“Everything, don’t you think? Life in general? It’s a very silly thing. And to answer your question, no – I don’t think that’s true, Zack. I just didn’t fancy Laurence, it’s that simple. Nothing he’d done wrong, I just didn’t.”
“Right. Well, in that case, keep on trying I suppose – the right person will be out there for you somewhere, Connie, I’m sure.”
“Maybe – but I’m not convinced I’m into the idea of kissing a million frogs before I find my prince. I genuinely am quite content with my life as it is. Anyway – what about you?” I ask, turning the tables. “You’ve admitted you’ve been deliberatelygoing for the wrong type of woman. You know you’ve sabotaged yourself. Is the right person out there for you as well, or do those rules only apply to other people?”
He smiles and shakes his head, looking a little sad as he speaks.
“I don’t know. Maybe they are – but I’m taking a break from looking. This isn’t the right time for me.”
“Why not? It’s a bit hypocritical to be pushing me off the cliff without a parachute while you stay on the top and wave at me as I fall. Why don’t we find you some dates, too? You might find love in a little corner of Dorset, not in London!”
Even as I say it, I realise I hate the thought. I know Zack has an ocean of options when it comes to women. I know he has hundreds of messages in that dating app. I’ve seen an actual notice-board full of pictures of his gorgeous exes – it is not a secret that if he chose, he could be out with a different person every night.
I know all of this, but I still hate the idea of him setting off from Starshine Cove and going on a date. He’ll probably end up meeting some ultra-glamorous retired fashion model who lives on a chic boho houseboat in Cornwall. The kind of woman who looks skinny even in a kaftan, and listens to opera while she writes her memoirs about life on the Paris catwalks in the eighties. I’m not sure a woman like that lives around here, but if she does, Zack is sure to find her.
I hate it, but I still seem to have suggested it. What can I say? I’m a complicated person. Messy inside and out.
“Would that make you feel better?” he asks, looking amused. “If I also threw myself off the cliff?”
“Maybe,” I reply. Definitely not, I think.
“Okay,” he says, pulling his phone out and navigating to the app. “Let’s see who’s out and about, while we have decent wifi…”
“Good point. The wifi I mean.”
I message all three of my children, telling them I love them and celebrating the decent internet connection with a string of emojis that involve hearts, clapping hands and party poppers. I add a video clip of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson dancing to a lip-synch version of Taylor Swift’sShake It Offas well, because some things simply never lose their shine. I could watch Dwayne Johnson dance all day long and not get bored.
Once that important business is done I scoot over to sit by Zack, who is changing the settings on his app to make his search more localised instead of in London. I peer at the screen nosily, seeing that he’s got age at between forty and sixty-five. That seems annoyingly reasonable.
“You can’t date her,” I say, pointing at one of the possibles.
“Why not?”
“Because I know her. She’s Becky, and she runs a wedding dress shop near to Starshine. She’s lovely, but it would just get weird.”
“Okay, fair enough. What about this one? She looks okay.”
“No, that’s Maggie Jones who works in the Post Office. She and her hubbie Geoff are constantly on-again, off-again – too complicated.”
“Right. Do you know every single woman within a hundred-mile radius?”
“Don’t be silly – maybe twenty miles?”
He laughs and goes back to his scrolling. I’m secretly delighted at the lack of viable options, but then he stops and studies one of the profiles in a bit more depth. The picture shows a slim, attractive woman in her middle years, holding a spaniel puppy on her lap. She has a lovely smile, and warmth seems to radiate from her blue eyes. She has one of those super-sleek bobs where not a single hair is out of place, and she runs her own accountancy firm. Damn – brains as well as beauty.
