Page 36 of Jenny James Is Not a Disaster
Charlie shrugs. “Depends on when you die, I suppose. Anyway, what do you think? About the blog?”
“I think I need coffee,” I reply, stretching my arms over my head.
Right on cue, Luke emerges from the van bearing steaming mugs. I think I might actually love him.
He passes me my coffee and asks: “Did you hear the news? The Sausage Dog Diaries? Hitting the road and finding your joy?”
“I will definitely feel more joyful about it once I’ve had this. Why do you look so sprightly?” I say, staring at him with open resentment. It doesn’t seem fair that he is wide awake, fresh from the shower, looking ready to tackle the day.
“Must just be tougher than you, I guess,” he replies, grinning. “That and the fact that I went back inside and slept in my own bed once you started snoring.”
“I don’t snore! And I’m not middle-aged, and you can both... flip off!”
They both makeoohnoises and I wave them away. I take my time over my coffee and feel a lot better when I finally push down half of the sleeping bag. This is something that needs to be done cautiously, in stages. It is mildly warm but not yet scorching, which leads me to believe that we are making another very early start.
“Have you done the draw without me?” I ask suspiciously.
“Yes!” announces Charlie, looking delighted with himself. “And it was mine again!”
“Oh lord,” I mutter, “what is it this time? Mummies? Vampires?”
“No, even better—theme parks!”
I close my eyes and shake my head. Theme parks. My mortal enemy. I have never been one of those people who actually enjoys being tipped upside down and spun in a circle. I even get a bit scared in a Waltzer. I remember taking Charlie to the fairground at Great Yarmouth once and that was enough. I also met Charlie’s dad at a local fair, which may or may not have contributed to my aversion.
I was one of those teenage girls on the rides, screaming loud enough that the attendants always pushed us the most, pretending to like it. Rob was one of the attendants doing the pushing. He didn’t have close family, he told me, and he worked casually at things like this, and playing with his band. The warning signs were all there, but I was too giddy to see them—in all kinds of ways.
When I got off the ride, I was dizzy and I dropped my cotton candy, and he got me a new one for free. He was good-looking and he was dangerous and he made me feel dangerous too. He made me spin even when I wasn’t on a ride. From such delightfully romantic beginnings, a relationship was born, and then an actual human was born, and now that actual human wants me to go on rollercoasters with him.
“What about Betty?” I say as soon as the thought occurs to me. “She can’t go in theme parks. Even if she was allowed, which she won’t be, she’d hate it—I mean, all that noise, and the bright lights, and the screaming, and the going upside down?”
“Are you talking about Betty or yourself?” Charlie asks, frowning.
“Maybe both. I think this might be a day that the girls sit out on, okay, son?”
“Well, we’ll see,” replies Charlie, sounding genuinely a bit deflated. “But do you want to hear the plan?”
Yes, I think,as long asthe plan involves me staying on solid ground.
“Okay,” he continues, “me and Luke have checked up on stuff, and we reckon we can do three in one day! How cool is that?”
“Wow, supercool,” I respond, glaring at Luke.
He shrugs and gives me a “how was I to know?” look. I realize that he wasn’t to know, of course, and that maybe we need to lay down some rules about this road trip, because I won’t be finding my joy if I have to sit in a small metal object and get hurtled through the air.
“We’ll start at Blackpool Pleasure Beach, which looks amazing—they have this ride called The Big One, and it’s the tallest rollercoaster in the UK—it’s, like, sixty-five meters up!”
This really does get better and better.
“That’s not too far away,” he carries on, “maybe a couple of hours. Luke’s booked tickets already, and we can easily be there by the time it opens. We stay there till about twelve, then head to a place called Warrington, where there’s a little one called Gulliver’s World. There’s some big rides, but also a lot for babies, so you might be fine there, Mum! Anyway, if we leave there by about two thirty, we can be at Alton Towers in time to get the last couple of hours there! Alton Towers! How fantastic does that sound?”
Ugh. It sounds terrible.
“More fantastic than anything I could have possibly imagined,” I say. “Thank you both so much. But what about Betty, for real? It’s too hot to leave her in the motorhome, even though she has her little fan and the cooling mat...”
I gaze up at Luke imploringly, and he pulls a “sorry” face before speaking.
“Erm... well, I’d thought of that and booked her into a doggie day care for the first one. There’s a woman right by the PleasureBeach who specializes in looking after the pets of people who go to the theme park.”
