Page 31 of The Ranger
Did I want to?
Yes, I fucking wanted to.
This morning, after not seeing her for two days, she was just as sassy as ever.
Fortunately, I’m not sensitive.I guess one thing my parents did right before divorcing and destroying my sense of security was allow me to build a strong sense of self.Not everyone has that, so I know how lucky I am.
Scarlett is a mystery to me.I can’t figure out if she’s just angry at life—or me—or lacks the ability to trust.Why?
I know she doesn’t have a good relationship with her mother and never knew her father, so that will have contributed.Whenever I try to ask more about it she shuts me down.I brought dinner over a few months ago and asked about her mother.
“You are unlikely to meet her.She lives in Florida and trust me, it’s best if she doesn’t meet our alien.”
“Stop calling it that.”I frowned.
“It’ll probably come out purple.”
I ignored her taunts.
“What does she do?Your mom.”
“Works at a restaurant and criticizes me when she’s not fucking random men,” Scarlett said, sipping on her soda.
Which I’ve told her not to drink.
Water is hydrating and so much healthier.
“Lovely,” I tossed my napkin on the plate, frustrated she wouldn’t just give me more details about the family my kid was being born into.“Can’t you tell me anything?
“She won’t be in our—my or your—life, so don’t worry.”
Scarlett refuses to use the termour,and I am almost certain it’s so neither of us falls into the trap of thinking we’re in a relationship.
No danger of that.
“You focus on your family, and I will on mine,” she snapped.“Not all of us have loving parents, Cole.”
“How can you say that?Mine are divorced!”I snapped right back.
“Well.”She turned and glanced down.“Your mom is nice.She loves you.”
“Of course, she loves me.So does my father, but he’s still an asshole.”
“At least you know him.”She shot me a glare.“Just drop it.Our kid will have grandparents, but you don’t need to psychoanalyze me.I am not your wife, and you are not auditioning me for mother of your child.That ship has passed.”
“That is not what I was doing.I was...you know what?Fine.Let’s just go.”Shaking my head, I paid the bill and drove her home.
I swear she walks around with a ten-foot-high electric fence around her.
I do worry about the beliefs Scarlett will pass onto our kid.It’s out of my control, but whoever hurt her, she needs to understand not everyone will have that same experience and needs to have their fists ready for battle all day long.
Generational cycles and all that.
I’m just as guilty, I guess.
The one thing I wanted to avoid is manifesting right before my fucking eyes.I’m going to be a father who doesn’t live with their kid.He or she will never know as their primary caregiver, and there are consequences because of that.For them and me.
It makes me so damn mad.
