Page 105 of Scandalous Kingpin
Christian opened his mouth, then closed it, and frustration welled in my stomach.
“I’m so sorry, Ivy.” He finally broke the silence. “I didn’t want to admit it, even to myself, that keeping the truth?—”
“Was the same as lying.”
“Yes.” A grim smile touched his beautiful lips. “I convinced myself I was sparing you, but the truth is, I was being selfish.”
“Yes, you were.” My hands shook as emotions thundered through me. Cobra raised her head to look at me with alarm, immediately placing blame on Christian, so I whispered a soft command and she bolted out of the room. I twisted my fingers nervously, my pulse accelerating. “My family kept me sheltered,left me in the dark. I don’t want that with you. I’m strong; I can take whatever comes our way.”
“And you proved that,” he said wryly. “The way you handled everything after running into Vittoria, then delivering Father Gabriel to me. The problem was me.” He let out a bitter laugh.
I swallowed, knowing it wasn’t easy for any man—let alone one ruling a criminal organization—to admit he was wrong.
“The problem has always been me, angel.” A heaviness tugged at my chest at the vulnerability in his voice. “I grew up believing I didn’t deserve anything good, and then you came along.” My breathing slowed, my heart encouraging him to continue. “You’re so… good, it felt all along like I didn’t deserve you. A part of me thought if you learned the truth about your athair’s death, you’d leave me.”
I was overwhelmed with what he shared, and I believed him, yet it was terrifying to give him a chance to do it again.
“Were you there?” I rasped. “When Juliette?—”
He shook his head. “No, but I knew it was going down, and I didn’t stop it. I could have told you—warned you—but I didn’t. It didn’t matter that we weren’t together at that point. I just let it unfold, convinced a person with any connection to Sofia Volkov wasn’t worth living.”
“It wasn’t for you to make that decision,” I said, my tone firm, while Christian’s gaze bore into me with intensity.
“It wasn’t, and while I cannot promise you that I won’t make a mistake again, I can vow to you that I’ll always be truthful. I give you my word that I’ll earn your trust. If you’ll let me.”
After his betrayal, I’d been scared to trust him again, but maybe that fear was only holding me back. Life was full of risks, and it required a leap of faith to live fully. But I needed him to understand that he couldn’t hide things from me.
Just as I opened my mouth, he said, “I’m a fuckup, angel, and my love isn’t a fairy tale, but I promise you, you’re it for me.There’s nobody that will ever mean more to me than you. You’re the only woman for me.”
“You hurt me.”
“I’m sorry. More than you’ll ever know.”
“Don’t ever do that to me again.”
“I won’t.” Call me foolish, but I believed him. “I love you, Ivy. And I held on so tight, willing to kill, cheat, and steal to keep you with me. It was wrong, especially after all the acceptance you’ve given me, and I should have…Fuck.”
He rubbed the back of his neck, looking uncharacteristically flustered.
“I don’t deserve you, but I’m willing to work at it until I do.” His jaw tightened. “Please just let me prove to you that I—” He broke off, coughed to clear his throat. “You are my top priority. Your friends are my friends, your enemies are my enemies, and your pain is my pain. I would burn down the world for you.”
“Don’t break my trust again, Christian,” I breathed, slipping off my seat and padding over to stand between his legs. I ran a hand through his hair and he raised his head, pressing his face against my stomach and letting out a sigh.
“Fuck, I missed your touch.”
He gripped the backs of my thighs, lifting me to straddle him. Slowly, tentatively, he reached for the hem of my shirt, gauging my reaction.
“Can I undress you?” A shudder rippled through him under my palms. “I’ve never wanted anyone,” he said, his voice uneven, “the way I want you.”
My heart faltered, then picked up again, beating at twice the speed, desire heavy in my veins.
He waited for my permission, and once I gave it, I shifted off him and our clothes began to fall to the floor in a heap.
He gently grasped me by the elbows and encouraged me to climb back into his lap. I put a knee on either side of his hips as he sat back with his shoulders against the cushions.
He crushed his lips to mine in a fierce and desperate kiss.
“Until death do us part,” he grunted, his touch hot and possessive.
