Page 42 of Thorns of Lust
Ultimately, he left me for good, hadn’t he?
But we were happy initially. There’d been life here before. Happiness.
We had a life together. I moved in. We laughed. We watched movies. We made plans. And then, it almost changed overnight.
My eyes traveled over the empty room.
Adrian’s gadgets used to lay everywhere. My fashion magazines. His combat boots he’d just kick off and leave laying in the middle of the hallway. It used to drive me nuts. He’d say he’d put them away, but he never did and I’d get irritated.
It seemed such an insignificant thing to be fussing over now. In the light of death and forever gone.
So many memories. Most of them were packed away. Some were forgotten. The day it all ended lingered in the darkness, waiting to come out of the shadows.
Another shudder rolled down my spine. This place was too dark and empty.
Kind of like me, I thought to myself.
After the accident, I ceased eating, bathing, and living for a while. I couldn’t take care of myself, but I refused to let anyone else care for me too. And now… well, I wanted the truth and answers.
Abruptly, I whirled around and went to the kitchen.
I opened the refrigerator and found it empty except for two slices of cheese. I had no idea how old they were so I opted not to eat. I sat at the empty kitchen table, the only thing on it was a vodka bottle. My constant companion. I gazed over the empty table, the empty counters.
The place has been empty. No visitors for weeks. Only me.
Both Isabella and Aurora kept gently reminding me to move on. Neither one of them were able to get more information on the agreement between Vasili and Adrian. Aurora was clear she wasn’t willing to dig through Kingston’s past to figure out what exactly he was involved with.
Aurora’s words were, “Certain things are best left in the past. Let’s all move on.”
Except I couldn’t.
Every night a reminder would come. Every night ghosts would visit.
I let out a sigh, almost fearing the next time I’d close my eyes. The more I drank, the less I remembered from the dreams. But I knew my brothers were right. I couldn’t keep it up. I’d destroy myself, or my liver at minimum.
Another sigh echoed through the house. It was so damn quiet. Too empty.
“Can you let me sleep tonight?” I asked, half-expecting a response.
From whom though? Ghosts? Memories? Adrian?
I closed my eyes, my heart aching in that familiar way. It didn’t go away with time, but it dulled. The pain was inside my chest, a constant companion and reminder of what I had lost.
Moving on shouldn’t be this hard, this painful.
A shuddering breath filled the space. It echoed against the walls. It traveled through the darkness along with a pitter-patter against the windows. I looked out the large floor-to-ceiling window. It had started raining again. The last few months brought a lot of rain. It made for depressing weather.
A tear fell, sliding down my cheek, leaving me alone with memories of my dead husband.
I poured a glass of vodka and downed it in one gulp. Then I poured another one. It tasted bitter. I didn’t like the taste of it, but I still refused to give it up. I needed the shot of numbness that came along with it. It took no time for my body to relax and the buzzing in my ears to grow. The world was spinning, but I didn’t care.
I picked up my glass with one hand and the bottle with my other, then headed into the bedroom. I put them both on the nightstand, then my fingers moved to the zipper, the sound slashing through the air. I let the dress fall down my body, pooling at my feet.
The air must have been turned off because it was hot in here. I could hear the blaring of the sirens in the distance. Someone below me must have slammed the door because the entire building shook.
I drowned it all out.
Reaching for the glass and bottle, I sat on the bed and poured another drink. I downed it in one gulp, then closed my eyes.
