Page 44 of The Den of Sin
God, when was the last time I sat on the beach while I was upset? I lifted my face to the moon and was startled at the sight. It was a blood moon. Just like the night after I lost the baby. That was the last time I sat on the beach. After my breakdown.
Tears stung my eyes as I stared at the moon, the pain at the loss from five years ago still fresh. The hints of red on the moon reminded me of the loss and the loneliness of that night.
The cramps were worse, taking my breath away with the intensity. The pain made my vision blurry. Something was wrong.
I huddled into a ball, holding on to my lower abdomen. It was stupid, but I hoped if I sheltered it with my hand, I’d be able to protect the little life that grew inside me. I knew better but my mind revolted at the knowledge that it was my body rejecting the baby.
My body curled in a fetal position, silent whimpers shaking my soul. I had to keep silent. Nobody could know about this. I licked my lips, tasting the bitter tears that refused to stop coming.
Alone. I felt so alone.
My mother was dead. I couldn’t save her. The baby inside of me was dying. I knew it. I was only four months along but to me, it was a living, breathing thing. It was part of the man that I wanted. And it was dying, leaving me alone.
“Isabella.” Tatiana’s voice was close, but I was too weak to raise my head. “Oh my God. There is blood everywhere.”
Something was squeezing my throat. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t get a word out. I had no energy to lift my head to assure her I was fine.
“It’s okay, Bella.” I could hear fear in her voice. “I’m calling the ambulance.”
“No.” I barely choked the word out.
“Bella, you are bleeding out.”
“Please, just take me to the hospital.” I forced myself to raise my head and meet her eyes. “Off campus. Please. I’m losing the baby.”
Her face whitened, fear gutting me, but I couldn’t soothe her now. “Please, Tatiana,” I rasped.
“I’ll call my brother.”
I grabbed her hand and surprised myself at the strength of my grip. “No,” I breathed. “Nobody. Please.”
Without hesitation, she helped me and pretty much carried me to her car, leaving a trail of blood from our room. I could feel my strength fading and lightheadedness kicking in. Another cramp and I hunched over. I would have fallen straight onto my face if not for Tatiana.
“I got you,” she murmured into my ear. “I got you.”
I passed out somewhere between the campus and the hospital. When I woke up, Tatiana’s ashen face and pale eyes full of fear was the first thing I recognized.
“Hey,” I murmured, my mouth dry. “Are you okay?”
“Am I okay?” she rasped, her voice shaking. “You have been out for two days.”
She burst into tears and buried her face into my chest. Raising my hand, I placed it on her head, noting the IV on it.
“You lost so much blood,” she murmured.
“I’m sorry.” My chest hurt as my other hand came to my lower abdomen. The knowledge was buried deep in my mind and body but the damn hope was stronger. “Baby?” I barely whispered the word.
Tatiana’s pale eyes met mine and the answer was in them, even before she shook her head.
I wasn’t ready to be a mom, I told myself. I had my whole life ahead of me. Then why did it hurt so damn much?
Chapter Fifteen
Vasili
Five Years Ago
Ileaned against my convertible, in the parking lot of the Mariners Hospital in Tavernier, Florida where Isabella’s mother was being treated. Tatiana let it slip that Isabella took a few weeks leave to care for her mother. My sister wanted to help her, come down with her to at least offer moral support, if nothing else, but Isabella didn’t want her to. Because of what I had told her that morning.
