Page 18 of Ryder
“When you say it like that…”
“You’re an idiot.” But Jake’s voice is sympathetic. “You really like her, don’t you?”
The beer suddenly feels heavy in my hand. “Yeah. I do.”
“Then why are you sabotaging yourself?”
“I’m not sabotaging anything.” But the protest sounds weak even to my ears.
“Really?” Jake leans back, giving me that look that means I’m not going to like what comes next. “So you didn’t just minimize something she’s passionate about because you’re scared of how serious this is getting?”
“It’s not…” I stop, take a long pull of beer. “We’re just…”
“Just what? Having fun? Keeping it casual?” His voice goes sharp. “Because that kiss I accidentally interrupted earlier didn’t look casual.”
Heat creeps up my neck. “You saw that?”
“Through the window. Was coming to warn you aboutElena’s plans for the bake-off, but you seemed… occupied.”
I groan, remembering how Dana felt in my arms, the little sounds she made…
“See?” Jake’s voice pulls me back. “That look right there. That’s not your usual ‘conquest’ face. That’s your ‘I’m terrified because I actually care’ face.”
“When did you become a relationship expert?”
“Around the time I stopped being an idiot and admitted I was in love with Elena.” He sets his beer down with a thunk. “Look, we both know what this is really about.”
“Jake—”
“Sarah abandoned you. It sucked. But Dana isn’t Sarah.”
The name hits like a punch to the gut, even after all this time. “I know that.”
“Do you? Because from where I’m sitting, you’re doing the same thing you always do—finding ways to keep people at arm’s length so they can’t hurt you.”
“That’s not—”
“You’ve been half in love with Dana for months. Everyone sees it. But the minute it starts getting real, you try to make her doubt herself. Make her think you don’t take her seriously.”
“I wasn’t—” But I stop, remembering Dana’s expression when I dismissed the competition. The way she pulled back, not just physically but emotionally. “Shit.”
“Yeah.” Jake’s voice softens. “Shit.”
We sit in silence for a moment, the weight of truth settling between us like smoke.
“I don’t know how to do this,” I finally admit. “The real stuff. The… feelings stuff.”
“Nobody does, man. That’s kind of the point.”
“What if I mess it up? What if-”
“What if you let the best thing that’s ever happened to you slip away because you’re too scared to try?”
I stare at my beer, seeing instead Dana’s face when she talks about baking. The way her whole being lights up with passion and purpose. The way she makes everything brighter just by being near it.
The way I feel when she smiles at me like I’m something special.
“I need to fix this, don’t I?”
