Page 102 of Spirit Trials
Something about the way he says it catches my attention, and the haziness in my mind fades and clarity snaps into place. “What happened?”
Rysden’s jaw muscle ticks. “They gave him something; he’s still out.”
And just like that, I no longer feel guilt about any of the men I killed. “Is he okay?”
“Healers are tending to him now.” He comes closer to me and puts a hand on my leg. “I have to stay here. Captain Corwin was killed, and it falls on me to take command of the Royal Guard for now.”
Before I realize what I'm doing, I slide off Rysden’s horse and land at his side. “I’m staying to help.”
Rysden shakes his head. “No, you’ve already been through too much. You should never have had to endure—”
I put my hand on his chest, quieting him. “I’m staying. We’ll deal with the aftermath together.”
Rysden runs his hand through his hair again, and I can honestly say I’ve never seen him like this. “I don’t want you to have to see the horror in there.” His words are quiet.
“Newsflash. I’ve already seen it. I’m sorry I sort of checked out for a minute there, but I’m okay now. Come on; we’re wasting time arguing out here.” I don’t wait for him; I head back up the stairs that will take me inside.
I square my shoulders, trying to gain the courage to go back inside. “If it becomes too much, I want you to leave,” Rysden says, coming up behind me and stopping at my side.
“I will.” I look up at him and see the resolve in his eyes. Without another word to each other, we head back into the war zone. I stagger for just a moment at the sheer horror of what took place in here before I push all emotion aside and focus on what needs to be done. I look around the room, trying to find Lox’s body. I don’t see it and figure it’s already been moved. Grief threatens to consume me, but I push it away and scan the room. I see a few people in long crimson robes tending to the guards in matching crimson and know they’re healers. Rysden has already taken control, issuing orders. I head over to one of the healers, a woman with long blond hair. “What can I do to help?”
The woman doesn’t miss a beat. “I need this ground to a fine powder,” she says handing me the mortar and pestle she’s currently holding. I take it from her and begin to crush the red leaves. A group of fresh guards show up, and Rysden puts them to work dragging out the bodies of the dead.
When Rysden finds me hours later, I’m dead on my feet; but I brighten when I see Shade and Solace at his side. “Shade.” I bend to get close to him.
Leave him be,Solace snaps, surprising me.He needs to recover fully.
I pull my hands back and look down at Solace. “The guards will finish up,” Rysden says, stepping close and putting a hand on my back. “Everyone that can be helped has been; let’s get home for a few hours and get some sleep.”
Chapter 52
Weariness suddenly filters through every single bone in my body, and I see that same weariness in Rysden. “What about the rest of the injured?” I ask Rysden.
“The healers will stay here tonight and continue to make the rounds.” Rysden checks in with the healers one last time before we make our way outside. “You okay to ride with me?” I nod, and we head over to the stable. He boosts me up. With my dress in the shape it’s in, I have no problem throwing my leg over and settling in the saddle. Rysden joins me a moment later. I lean forward to accommodate him, but he wraps an arm around my belly and pulls me close.
It's a quiet ride home. I wait for him to care for his horse, and then we head towards the front door. Shade and Solace leave our sides and walk behind the stables.You’re not sleeping inside tonight?I send to Solace.
No.
I don’t ask her anything more. It’s quiet when we get inside, obviously, because it’s nearly dawn. I stop at the base of the stairs and wonder if I have enough strength to climb them. “Want me to carry you up?” Rysden asks. I can hear the exhaustion in his voice, so I dig deep and start up the steps. When we get to my room, I put my hand on his arm, stopping him before he walks away.
“Can I sleep with you tonight?Justto sleep.” I look into his eyes. “I don’t want to be alone tonight. I thought Solace would be in here with me, but—” To his credit, Rysden doesn’t hesitate a moment. He wraps his arm around my back and guides me to his room. I wonder at the wisdom of my request when we step intohis room, but I was being truthful. I really don’t want to be by myself in my room tonight. I’m afraid the images and memories of tonight will plague me, and I won’t be able to sleep.
“Here, you can sleep in this if you want.” He hands me a soft black shirt and nods towards his bathing room. I disappear into it a moment later and glance in the mirror and mourn the loss of what used to be a beautiful dress. It’s in tatters now and completely destroyed. I undo the zipper and let it fall to the ground. I bathe as quickly as possible, scrubbing the blood and grime from my body. I bundle up my dress and throw it away before heading back into Rysden’s room. There’s a low fire burning now, taking away the chill in the room. Rysden stops in front of me. “Sleep on whichever side you want; I won’t be long.” With those ominous words, he walks into the bathing room, leaving me alone in his room. I walk over to the bed and simply choose the closest side; I don’t think I could even get to the other side if I wanted to. I pull a fur over me and groan softly. Every single muscle in my body aches. I check the wrap on my arm to make sure it’s covered, so I don’t get blood on Rysden’s bed. I roll onto my back and get comfortable, expecting to go right to sleep. But as exhausted as my body is, my mind won’t turn off. It keeps replaying the awful events of tonight over and over and over again.
The bed moves as Rysden climbs in. I stay quiet, because I know how tired he is. A few minutes later, he puts a hand on my stomach. “Can’t sleep?”
“I can’t get my mind to turn off,” I tell him honestly.
“I get that.”
It’s quiet between the two of us, and I wonder if he’s already drifted off. But when I listen, his breathing doesn’t sound deep and even. “It shouldn’t have happened.”
“The attack?”
I pause. “Well, that too; but I meant Lox. He shouldn’t have died. It’s my fault he’s dead.”
Rysden shifts in the bed. Suddenly, strong arms pull me over to his side of the bed. “Don’t play that game,” he says in a soft voice. “It will only tear you apart.” I wonder if he’s speaking from experience.
