Page 112 of Fate and Flame
“This is strange to you as well, right?” Gaea whispered.
I could only nod as the door was opened and we stepped inside a study.
Gaea gasped and her head jerked to me as Heva turned in his chair. He brought his hand onto the desk and leaned forward, examining me.
My features . . . My horns so similar to his own.
He sat back and nodded to the guards. “Hello, son.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ara
Istood on the balcony of our room and memorized the motion of the pewter sea as it tossed and tumbled. Once again, I had been left alone as Fen continued his work. Whispers and gossip flooded the Flame Court—hardly any of it was good. Fen was not a seasoned king, and the loss of Tolero was a heavy blanket across this land as we prepared for a battle we were not ready for.
Nearly dying can change you. At least, it had Fen. Maybe it had changed me too. I wasn’t sure. I saw shadows of him lying still on the ground every time I closed my eyes. I saw our soul leave his body each time I lay down to sleep. I became haunted by what could happen in the days and weeks to come.
He, on the other hand, was obsessed with the lost artifact. Convinced, if he could find it, Autus would give up hunting me. It didn’t matter how many times I told him that wouldn’t happen.
The soldiers were in training in the lists, and we had taken over both fighting pits for additional space. The dracs were sending warriors on their cetani to teach anyone who wanted to fight. Umari led flights to the Marsh Court villages, warning them all of Autus’ plans.
I sipped the tea from my tray and closed my eyes as the breeze blew my hair to the side. I wondered how she did it. Fenlas’ mother. She’d left such a mark on this kingdom, yet there was never time to love a king. Always busy, always being called in a thousand different directions. I missed him. Missed traveling to The Mists with him. Missed his singular focus. But that was a selfish battle.
“Ara?” Wren’s voice cut through my thoughts like a knife.
“I’m here,” I called.
“Why are you out here?” she asked, pulling up a chair.
“The view, I guess?”
“I’ve missed you.” She poured herself a drink. “You haven’t been around.”
“I’ve been here. Waiting.”
“For what?” She blocked the sun from her eyes with her hands, staring at me.
“Everything.” I shrugged. “Every day I wake up with this feeling of dread, wondering if it’s going to be the day I die. If he dies.”
She shook her head.
“You don’t understand, Wren. I felt him. I felt him slip away from me. I felt the fracture in my soul. I’d choose to die a thousand deaths before I ever want to feel that way again. I’m scared.” That familiar pressure began to build in my chest again as I remembered, for the thousandth time, what it felt like to lose him.
“It’s weird, isn’t it?” she asked, slumping back into her chair. “We can live forever if we’re careful. But we can also die young if we’re careful. I think the key is to live. It isn’t to hide away from the world and wait for it.”
“It doesn’t matter what I do.” I sipped my tea and looked back to the water.
“It matters a great deal what you do. The city is full of fae starting to question everything your mate does because he isn’t out there holding their hands. He isn’t reminding them every day that he is confident. But you could be. In fact, you should be.”
“So that’s my job? Wave Fen’s flag to the world and smile graciously?”
“No. Your job is to protect your people. Sometimes protection is simply reminding them that you are both more than qualified to handle this.”
“I could end this. I could ask Gaea to spirit me into Autus’ chambers and kill him in his sleep.” I watched her reaction carefully.
“Then do it, Ara. Save us all the trouble. But don’t sit in this room and forget what you mean to all of us. Fen is lost, but so are you.” She stood and set her teacup on the table between us. “Don’t make me kick your fucking ass.”
“You could try,” I answered, the shadow of a smile on my numb face.
