Page 60 of Fate and Flame
Walking back to the castle was like dragging boulders. I knew eventually we would get where we were going, but each step was its own journey. As we walked into the king’s bedroom, I knew I’d have to face what I’d done. They were all there, silently paying their respects. Someone had pulled the quilted blanket up to his chin and my knife was no longer on the floor. I walked to Fen, who opened his arms to me. Loti and Inok stood hand in hand crying together. Kai held Wren as she shook with tears while Greeve and Fen stood stoic. I thought they’d hate me. I thought they wouldn’t be able to look at me, but instead, they took turns embracing me.
When Greeve pulled me into his arms, he leaned in and whispered, “It was a gift.” My knees buckled and he held me upright as I began to cry again. Fen pulled me away, and though his sorrow was greater than my own, though the tears were still fresh in his eyes, he still offered me comfort. He ran his hands up and down my arms as he studied my face, making sure I was okay.
We stayed with Tolero until Loti made everyone go to their rooms. She promised dinner would be delivered, and we all obeyed, knowing she needed to be in the kitchens, moving her hands and keeping herself busy.
“Where do we go from here?” I asked Fen as he stood on the balcony staring at Efi’s Isle.
“Now, we make plans. Now, I have to rule a kingdom.” His voice was numb. He was a million miles away.
I made him tea and placed it into his hands. Then I poured in half a glass of liquor and lifted it until he drank.
It wasn’t long until the knocks on the door became frequent and we were soon joined by Kai, Greeve and Wren. They couldn’t be apart. Not now. Not when they knew Fen was hurting so badly, though he didn’t show it. He showed almost no emotion. He just stood, watching the ocean waves.
“The pyre will be ready tomorrow night?” he finally asked Greeve.
“You’re sure you want it on the isle?”
“It’s what he would have wanted.”
The guys continued drinking on the balcony while Wren and I lay in the bed. “Do you think he’ll be okay?” I asked, pulling at the threads of the blankets.
“I know he will be. If nothing else, running the kingdom will keep him distracted from his own mourning.”
“That’s what I’m worried about. If he doesn’t deal with it . . .”
“Then make him deal with it.”
“I can’t make him do anything.”
I watched his profile in the moonlight. Silent tears slipped down his face at random times. I noticed the way Kai and Greeve tried to get him to smile and failed. I felt the pain a thousand times stronger than any emotion Fen had ever sent me before. Eventually the entourage left, and though I tried, he didn’t come to bed. He stayed on the balcony until the sun rose. He didn’t eat. He barely looked at me until the sun began to fall and it was time.
We dressed in silence, walked the halls in silence, and passed the gathering fae filling the beach in silence, until Fenlas turned to the crowd of thousands of sorrowful faces, fell to his knees, bent to the ground, and wept with them all as Greeve began to sing over the crowd. The crowd moved as one to join the prince on the ground as the vibrato in the song cut through the stillness in the chilled air. They all reached forward, a hand on the fae in front of them until they were connected like a web of fae. I knelt beside my prince and tried to stay strong as his body shuddered, finally letting go and crying for his fallen father.
I couldn’t help the guilt that crept up my body. I let Greeve’s song pull every emotion from me as he sang so beautifully. The deep voice of a male in the crowd joined him and then the harmony of a female, and within several minutes, a sobbing kingdom was on their knees singing for a king that changed the world. A king that harbored fae the world would have killed. A king that raised a son on his own after his mate was taken from him. A king that cooked in the kitchens and prowled the streets like a soldier. A king that set the bar so high, no one would ever compare.
We stood and Fen helped me into the boat, leaving Wren, Kai and Greeve standing on the shore while Inok joined us as we rode the still waters to the Isle. I felt out of place. Like one of them should have been here instead of me. I was the fraud. They had all lost a male they had known their whole lives.
The boat slid onto the shore and we stepped out. Fen pulled it onto the beach as we stood on the shoreline. Inok climbed the hill. We watched him from behind as the faeries across the bay remained quiet and still. He lifted the torch to the sky and Fen waved his trembling hand, his power igniting the torch.
This was the first time Fen had stepped foot on this isle. It was the one thing his father had always wanted from him, and he had come without protest. He would never enjoy his time here, but now that his feet dug into the sand and he was rooted to this land, it would always mean something to him.
Inok dropped the torch and the pyre ignited.
“I never said the words,” he whispered as the orange light from the distant fire danced in his eyes.
Which words?
“I never said goodbye to him.”
“The words you did say were beautiful. Thank you is just as good as goodbye.”
“I’ll never be as good as he was.” He clenched his jaw and his shoulders fell. “Did you know the Flame Court used to be filled with fire faeries? The icaris. Tiny flames with wings that burned so hot they were blue. They are legends here mostly.” He paused, studying the empty sky. “As a boy, I learned they appeared on the day of my father’s coronation, long ago. They vanished during the Iron Wars when the world went black. They’ve been gone for so long, I’ve never seen one. I don’t think my mother ever saw one either. But my father would tell me stories of their revelry and how he’d learned they were hiding from the hopelessness in this world. They were an omen for him. For his reign as king. He’d seen a million things; he’d experienced it all. Each of his decisions came from years and years of wisdom. I’ll never fill those shoes.”
“You already are, and you will, because you are his son.”
He covered his face with his hands briefly, then pulled them away as his voice shook. “Do you think they are together now? My parents?”
“Of course they are. All six of them are looking down on us now. They will guide us from the Ether.”
