Page 59 of Fate and Flame
“Give me a moment alone with my son.”
I moved to the door and cracked it open. Fen was somewhere lost in the arms of the others standing just outside the door.
He’s asking for you.
We traded places. Me standing outside and Fen entering the king’s room alone. I felt only sorrowful despair, and I had no idea if it was Fen’s or my own. I stood inches from that solid wooden door remembering a king who sat beside me on a hilltop and told me stories of my own father with a gleam in his eye.
Wren slid her hand into mine as I struggled for air. Greeve took my other hand and Kai stood behind me with his hands on my shoulders. Tears covering all of our faces we waited, knowing these were Fen’s last moments with his father and there was nothing any of us could do to spare him.
The bond jerked the moment the king told Fen what he had requested. Denial, rage, and then understanding moved through me until the door cracked open and Fenlas, with red-ringed eyes, stepped out and nodded once to me.Do it.
“Are you sure?” My voice cracked. I sniffled and moved to the door.
He nodded, and they all pulled him back into their arms. I could do this. I could do it for Fen, who couldn’t do it on his own. I would end the king’s suffering. No one deserved to die in pain. I stepped back into the room, and though the king was sitting up, his eyes were closed, and I thought maybe he had already passed.
“Please.” This king’s soft voice flooded my ears.
I moved to sit beside him on the bed and pulled out the knife I’d strapped on after returning home. The cold metal bit into my skin and my hands shook.
“Don’t let my boy spend his life ruling. Make sure he gets to live. Give him a child,” he rasped. “And make sure someone looks after Inok.”
I bowed my head, no longer trying to hold back my stinging tears. My sobs.
“Your parents would be so proud of you, my girl.”
I nodded. “Are you sure?” I gulped, my throat so thick it was nearly closed.
“Do it now.” He laid back on the bed, a smile upon his ancient face.
Forgive me.
I plunged the knife into KingTolero’sheart and theCetani’sscream from the roofmatched my ownwail as I ended the king’s suffering and ignited my own.Ipulled my knife, dropped it onto the floor and walked out of that fated room. Fen tried to stop me, butI didn’t halt. I passedInok,who ran into the king’s chambers, andI heard his body crumble to the floor.
My feet moved below me until I was outside of the castle, away from prying eyes. I fell to my knees and screamed for all the world to hear because life was never fair and even the good ones died. Because I wasn’t strong enough to look into Fen’s eyes and I wasn’t sure I ever would be again. He had allowed me to kill his father, but there was no way he’d truly forgive me for that. It was the only thing I was good at. Destruction.
Something within me shifted as the word came to mind. Annihilation. Obliterate. My heart stopped. The world stopped. All this time I hadn’t known what my magic was. What moved and pressed upon me, even now, even in this utter misery. My magic was simply destruction. I was built to ruin it all. And be ruined. My soul chipping away each time I chose to use that so-called gift.
“It is not fair, girl. Your life never will be.” Aibell stood in front of me with her boney arms extended, the arms of her robes nearly touching the ground.
I wanted to hate her for not saving me from this, but how could I? This was fate. She didn’t have a say in any of it either. She pulled me from the ground and held me while I sobbed. “I don’t understand why.”
“Not everything is to be understood, child.” She gently pushed me away, and I stared into her giant eyes, wondering what she was trying to tell me. “There are still things in this foreign world I do not yet understand.”
Foreign. I wouldn’t push, wouldn’t even ask tonight. But she’d just confirmed this was not her world. But why would she stay here?
I stood straighter and wiped the tears from my eyes. “I’m being selfish. This isn’t about me. For one brief moment, I had a father again, and now he is gone by my own hands. But Fen . . .”
I’m sorry.
He didn’t answer.
“He does not blame you, child. His parents are already together, but you must go to him. He is a king now. His first duty, as king, will be to plan his father’s funeral. He will need you.”
“Will you stay?” I asked as I turned to face the illuminated castle in the distance.
“Apparently so,” she said. “But you must know something. About your power, Ara. A rock may be crushed as easily as the mountain. Like all things, magic comes with a cost. Fenlas is your Guardian to protect you from your own magic, not from others. Each time, there will be a tear in your soul if you use the magic as you did with Morwena. Fenlas will be the anchor that brings you back, but he will also suffer. There is a limit. You will destroy yourself if you aren’t careful. That is the cost of that much magic.”
“Just another thing I can’t actually control.” My chin quivered as I pushed down those feelings. They wouldn’t change anything.
