Page 79 of Bleeding Hearts
I bow my head in shame, tears falling once more. “I’m scared, Tom. I’m scared about what this means. I was never afraid before. I can’t lose her, but I can’t not do anything either. If I do, I’m not the person she loves or the person I want to be.” Lifting my head, I meet his gaze. “I know what you would do—the same thing I’m doing now. You would say it’s our duty to and make some stupid joke, but you’d still be trying to save the day.”
I lick my dry lips. “I want to be someone you’re proud of. I want to be the person you always believed I was. I need to be. If you can’t be their hero, I will be, but can you look over Alice for me? If this goes wrong and I end up . . . gone, will you watch over her for me? She’ll be upset, but the world needs her, Tommy. I guess it never really needed us, huh? Two fuckups.” I laugh despite myself. “We always said we would do everything together, and I guess you were right. I’m probably going to join you soon, just like we always said. I wish I had more time with her. I wish I had more time with all of them, so I’m going to spend as much time with them as I can.” Leaning forward, I brush off his picture. “I’ll see you soon, okay? Get the good food in for me.”
Standing, I spare him one last look before I head out. My phone vibrates when I step outside, and I know who it is before I look—Evan. I texted him earlier, meaning what I said to Tommy.
Evan: Sure, I would love to! See you there.
Evan: Thanks for asking me, Lally. I’ve missed you.
“You look good.” Evan grins as he wiggles his eyebrows at me. “Is that due to a certain someone?”
“My girlfriend,” I reply, and he squeals.
“About time. I’m happy for you, Lally.” He smiles widely. “You deserve to be happy. You know that, right?”
“I do,” I say as I take his hand. I memorize the lines across it as I look up at him. “Are you happy?” I need to know they’ll be okay just in case.
“I am.” His grin is so bright, I’m surprised it doesn’t hurt. “My internship is going really well. I think Conan will offer me a job after. Alek and I are actually enjoying living together. He can be a pain, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“I’m glad that you have each other. I know I didn’t always say it after everything, but I am. I’m so happy you have a good life, Evan. I want you to be happy for a long time. It makes me feel better knowing you have Alek.”
He frowns as he watches me, his smile fading. “Are you okay?” he asks.
“Fine,” I reply as I squeeze his hand. “But I need to ask a favor. I need you to promise me something, okay?”
“Always,” he answers without hesitation. Evan is the type of friend who would hide a body for me. When you have earned his love, there is nothing he wouldn’t do for you. I just forgot that for a while. I’m glad Alice brought us back together. I know I’llregret the moments I wasted, but I’ll try to make up for it until I can’t anymore.
“I want you to look after Alice for me,” I tell him. “She’s stubborn, and she’ll say she’s fine, but I need you to. Promise you’ll take care of her and make sure she’s okay. Make sure she eats and sleeps and is happy.”
He considers me for a moment. “Lally, what’s happening?”
“Nothing, I just—please promise me,” I beg. I need to know she’ll be okay, even if something happens to me. It’s the only way I can do this.
“I promise,” he murmurs, “but talk to me.” He leans in. “Tell me what’s happening. You’re scaring me, Lally.”
“Sorry, didn’t mean to.” I pull my hand away and smile. “Just feeling emotional after seeing Tommy. What should we order?”
He reaches across and takes my hand again. “You can tell me anything, Lally. I’m your best friend. Whatever it is, I’m here.”
“I know,” I murmur as I look at him. “I saw Tommy this morning, that’s all.” It isn’t a full lie.
He sighs and nods like that makes sense, then he starts to look over the menu. They’ll have each other, and that’s enough for me. Will it be enough for Alice? For Evan? I know the hole a person you love can leave behind when they die, and I would hate to do that to them. I’m going to do everything I can to survive this, but I need them to be happy and safe just in case.
“Evan, I’m sorry I was a shitty friend. I didn’t mean to be. I love you. You’re like my brother and always will be.” He jerks his head up, his eyes widening. “I’m not always good at telling you, but I love you, and I’m glad you’re my family.”
He searches my gaze. “You know we feel the same, Lally. We’re family, we fight, but we don’t stop loving each other. Tommy is gone, but we still have each other. I’m not going anywhere.”
I am. I want to say that, but I don’t. I just smile.
We end up ordering and talking about everything and anything, just like old times. It’s nice. There is still an empty spot where Tommy should be, but it gets easier every day. With his next words, though, all that happiness goes up in flames as he glances at the TV playing silently in the corner.
“Did you hear about that crash?” Evan asks as he leans in. “How sad.” He shakes his head. “I keep thinking about it. When I heard the news, I couldn’t breathe until I saw your text and realized you were safe and not in it.”
I nod as I stare down at my food, unsure what to say.
My phone vibrates, and I pull it out, reading the text. Something in my chest loosens. Her friends have responded, saying they’ll check on her. I also drafted an email to her professors, applied for the art scholarship for her, and submitted her work to the gaming café. Everything’s falling into place.
I planned her life for her, one she can live without me if she has to.
