Page 85 of Bleeding Hearts
You get what you are given, and you’re lucky at the end if it’s enough.
The stolen air in my lungs is running low again, so I close my eyes and focus on all the good times, ignoring everything else.
My body begins to give in, becoming heavy. The pressure in my lungs is too extreme, and I know before long, water will getin and I will drown, but I ignore it as best as I can. They decided how and when I’ll die, but I refuse to let them take these last seconds from me.
I focus on Lally’s smile and the way she looks in the morning. I concentrate on the way her laughter always lights up her eyes. I imagine I’m in our bed, wrapped in her arms.
A smile curves my lips as I remember the way she looked at me the first time I told her I love her.
I hear a splash that breaks through my memories and forces my burning eyes open. Lally is swimming toward me, wearing a determined expression, and she holds a gun in her hand she must have stolen from a wrangler. That means she broke another rule, but she doesn’t care as she swims down to my chains and fires at them repeatedly until I feel them snap, and then she pushes me toward the surface just as I run out of air. There’s no more air. It feels like my lungs explode, and my mouth opens, water flooding in.
It’s not peaceful or quick.
It hurts, and I’m terrified as I choke on it.
Lally’s panicked face is the last thing I see before everything goes black.
I expect to see nothing, but in that dark, I see my friends and family.
I see Alek chasing me around the house when we were younger, then him holding me as I cried when we were older. I see quiet mornings spent eating breakfast.
I see Lally smile as she reaches for me.
I see my life and realize it’s so full of her. The happiest times are filled with Lally, the person I love.
As I slip into the blackness, it’s her who holds me, ushering me into the warmth and safety where nothing hurts anymore.
Suddenly, an ache pierces that oblivion, yanking me back.
“Don’t you dare! Don’t you fucking dare! You promised me! Come back here right now!”
Lally.
She sounds scared.
“Please, baby, don’t leave me. Don’t make me live through this again. You promised. Come back to me.” She sounds so hurt that I turn from the warmth and reach for her, wanting to make it better.
The ache grows until it consumes me, and I feel the moment I draw in a breath.
I gasp awake, jerking to the side. Water spills from my lips as hands rub my back. “That’s it, baby. You’re okay. You’re okay.” Lifting my blurry eyes, I see her tear-stained face. “It’s okay. You’re okay. You did well.”
“Lals?” I croak, but it seems to break her. Her lip quivers as she stares at me.
“You scared me,” she sobs, wrapping her arms around me. “You were dead. I heard your heart stop. Don’t you ever do that again.” She moves back, shaking me. “You hear me?”
“I’m sorry.” I lean into her, feeling weak as I glance at the pool then back to her. She got me out? She brought me back?
I remember hearing her voice calling to me.
She brought me back.
“I already told you I can’t live without you,” she whispers. “If you die, then I die.”
She presses her forehead to mine as I try to stop shaking. “I’m sorry,” I murmur, and she kisses me softly.
“You’re fine, safe, and alive. We’re okay.” It seems more like she’s repeating it for herself as I numbly stare at her, unsure what I should feel.
Shock, I assume.
