Page 62 of Bleeding Hearts
When the attack finally subsides, I take her hand, my own shaking. I’m exhausted, but she needs me. All this time, Ithought Pine Valley was my future, that I needed to get money or I had nothing, but that isn’t the truth.
Alice Anders is my future, and that was nearly stolen from me tonight.
The game almost took her from me.
My priorities are all fucked up, and I’m so mad at myself. Nothing else matters except keeping her safe and happy. I can lose my scholarship, but I can’t lose her.
I’d walk away from Risk right now if I thought it would protect her, but she wouldn’t. After all, she’s reporting for Silent Rose. Plus, that won’t stop the game and others will still die.
I’ve blinded myself to it, telling myself it isn’t my fault. The truth is, I didn’t take those lives, but I stood by and did nothing, and that’s so much worse.
I don’t like the person I am right now, one who’s willing to look the other way when someone dies. I feel sick. It’s like the game has finally caught up with me, and I know I have to do something.
I have to stop them once and for all.
I have to protect Alice though. I know I should tell her, but she would run right into the thick of it with me. This is my decision. Whatever I do next, I will shield her from it because I will never let anything else hurt her.
Not for as long as I live.
I press my face against her hand, silently vowing it.
Pulling my phone out, I go to send the guy a message, but then I hesitate. They are watching, which means I need to be discreet. I need to beat them at their own game.
They keep asking what I’d be willing to risk, and the truth is, I’m willing to risk everything.
I’d risk it all to keep her safe, and it’s time I did just that.
“Lals, distract me,” Alice whines as she turns her head and looks at me. The doctors are happy that she’s no longer vomiting, and after two bags of IVs and a small breakfast, they are ready to discharge her as long as her labs are okay. She’s feeling better, and there are tears in her eyes as she holds my hand as the nurse prepares to draw blood.
“My scary girlfriend is afraid of a little needle? Really?” I scoff.
Her eyes narrow on me. “It’s irrational, okay? I can’t help it. Please, talk to me or something.”
Biting back my smile, I move closer and place my hand on her cheek so she can’t see what they are doing. It’s surprising that Alice would fear needles. She isn’t scared of anything, but it’s kind of nice having her rely on me.
“Okay, okay, ask me something,” I murmur. “Just keep your eyes on me, and it’ll be over before you know it.”
I can see her thinking hard about what she wants to ask as they move nearer, and fear seems to make her blurt her question. “Why is being intimate, being in love, so hard and scary for you?”
I spare the nurse a worried glance since the topic is extremely private, but they aren’t paying attention, and the nervousness in Alice’s eyes is my undoing.
“Did you ever consider that you just love too easily?” I tease, but she looks serious.
“No, because love is beautiful in every form,” she replies. “It means we are alive. It means I’m still here with you.”
My heart pounds as I stare at her. She whimpers, and I glance over to see the nurse sliding the needle in. Alice’s eyes narrow, her hand tightening on mine to the point of pain.
“Because everyone I have ever loved has hurt me, okay? Abandoned me. Let me down. Love comes with strings and stipulations, and it hurts. That’s why I found it hard,” I tell her, the truth flowing from me, and I hear the nurse move away and glance back to check.
Leaning in, I kiss Alice. “All done, and with you, baby, it isn’t scary at all. Not anymore.”
Alice is sleeping, curled up in my bed in my oversized shirt. I made sure she took her stomach medicine and had plenty to drink before she did. She’s making this adorable snoring noise that I record and set as her ringtone with a grin, but it soon fades as I realize what I need to do.
If she were awake, she wouldn’t let me out of her sight, so I stand and kiss her before heading to the door. I lock her in, needing to hurry so I’m back before she wakes. I can’t have her wondering where I went.
My first stop is the library, and I keep my eyes peeled for anyone watching me. I don’t check out the yearbook under my name, instead using one I make up just in case. I don’t know how far Risk’s reach goes, but I can never be too careful.
I hide in the stacks as I find what I need, and when I have it, I walk out of the library, taking shortcuts and doubling back on myself so if anyone is watching or tracking me, they’ll lose me, and then I march into the computer building.
