Page 98 of The Unseen
“Why?” Alexei exclaimed. “Surely, in a year’s time…”
“No. You must not ask me again.”
Alexei’s eyes widened with sudden understanding. “You really loved him, despite what you said before. You’re hoping he’ll return, aren’t you? When we made love, you weren’t welcoming me into your life, you were saying goodbye. You were seeking closure to something that could never be. It was an odd way of going about it. I never expected you to toy with me so cruelly.”
“I wasn’t toying with you.”
“Weren’t you? What kind of woman goes to bed with a man and then rejects him when he wants nothing more than to make a life with her, honestly and openly, in a relationship sanctioned by God?”
“It wouldn’t be a relationship sanctioned by God though, would it? I’m married to another man and will remain so for another seven years. Are you prepared to wait that long, and court me in a chaste and respectful fashion?”
“Chaste? After what we’ve already done, more than once?”
“Alyosha, I was overjoyed to see you. I wasn’t thinking straight. I was lonely, frightened, and emotionally overwrought. Seeing you was like breaking the surface and gulping lifesaving air when you think you’re drowning and can feel yourself sinking to the bottom. But I can’t continue to sleep with you. That’s adultery.”
“You don’t love me,” Alexei whispered. His eyes shone with tears. “You don’t love me anymore. Maybe you never did. You were a young, impressionable girl, influenced by the wishes of your parents. You’d never known anyone but me, but you’ve been on your own for nearly two years. You’ve matured, grown into a woman, and you realized that I was nothing more than a childhood dream. Perhaps you’ve even learned what you like in bed, and I wasn’t able to give that to you, something you realized when you compared me to your husband.”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know that. You thought I was dead and moved on with your life. Perhaps I should have moved on with mine, but I spent every day longing for you and dreaming of the day I’d finally find you. I never imagined I’d make such a fool of myself.”
“Alyosha, please. I want to offer you something in recompense.”
“What can you possibly offer me?”
Valentina took a deep breath and plunged in. “Tanya.”
“What?”
“I want you to marry Tanya.”
“Are you mad? She’s a child.”
“She’s a child who’s in love with you. Always has been. She’ll be able to give you the kind of pure, innocent love I am no longer capable of. She’ll make you happy.”
Alexei stared at her, as if seeing her for the first time. “Are you seriously doing this?”
“Yes. Please, think about it.”
“Valya, I will return to the hotel, pack my belongings, and go back to France, where I will make a future for myself. I won’t spend my life pining for someone who doesn’t want me. I ask you again. Are you sure about this? Is your decision final?”
“Yes, it is. I know you need time to come to terms with your disappointment, but please don’t turn your back on Tanya. She loves you, Alyosha. Probably more than I ever did,” Valentina added, twisting the knife a little deeper to make sure he let go of her.
“Goodbye, Valya. I hope you find peace and happiness. I won’t trouble you again.”
Alexei leaned in and kissed her cheek, then turned on his heel and walked away, his back ramrod straight, his shoulders stiff. He never looked back. He wouldn’t allow himself that moment of weakness. He was a soldier; he’d been taught to hide his pain.
Valentina found a bench and sat down. She wanted to howl with grief, to run after Alexei and beg for his forgiveness, to disappear off the face of the earth, but she no longer had that option. She had to live, and she had to put on a brave face and look to the future. There was a tiny life growing inside her, and in the eyes of the world, that life was the result of her brief marriage. Her child would be accepted as the son or daughter of Dmitri Ostrov, his legacy. She couldn’t allow her baby to be tainted with scandal, whispered about and called a bastard. She couldn’t allow her child to believe that its mother had fallen into bed with another man weeks after the disappearance of her husband and got pregnant.No, the future was no longer about her. It was about the little person who’d suddenly given her a reason to go on. She would remain where she was, have her baby, and look after her family. That was her role now, her purpose.
Valentina got to her feet and began to walk, her back ramrod straight, her shoulders stiff. She was a soldier too, and she’d learned to hide her pain.
FIFTY-EIGHT
DECEMBER 2014
Berwick-Upon-Tweed, Northumberland
Christmas morning dawned bitterly cold. The old casement windows were decorated with a lacy pattern of frost and the radiator made pitiful sounds as it worked overtime to heat the drafty old house. It was still early, but Emma would wake soon. She rarely slept in, but today of all days she’d be eager to rise and open her presents. Quinn checked on Alex, who was sleeping peacefully in the portable cot they’d brought from London. Gabe was asleep as well, his face peaceful and relaxed.
