Page 97 of The Unseen
A reluctant sun emerged from behind the clouds and shone lazily on the park, dispelling the gauzy mist of the early hours. Valentina strode along, her gait that of an elderly lady out for her morning stroll. She felt heavy, inside and out, her limbs dragging like a plow behind a horse. She’d asked Alexei to meet her in St. James Park since she didn’t trust herself to talk to him at the hotel and trying to have a conversation at the house was virtually impossible. Elena, Tanya, and Kolya were so giddy at the sight of him, they didn’t give him and Valentina a moment’s privacy, much less a chance to have an uninterrupted conversation. Elena assumed that now that Alexei had found them, he’d remain in England and make a life with her daughter. She was swept along on Alexei’s enthusiasm, making plans for a future that could never be.
Tanya, who’d loved Alexei since she was a child, was now shy around him, her eyes following him about the room like those of a devoted puppy. She blushed whenever he spoke to her and had nearly fainted when Alexei caught her up in a bear hug and kissed her the first time they saw each other again. Tanya was happy for her sister, but Valentina could see that the seeds of envy planted years ago had grown into sturdy, green shoots of jealousy.
Valentina stopped for a second and stared out over the pond, where ducks floated along merrily, quacking to their hearts’ content. It was such a peaceful scene, it nearly made her cry. Why couldn’t Alexei have found them nine months ago? Everything would have been so different then. She’d have never learned the truth of Dmitri’s plans for her and would have married Alexei without delay.
Valentina shook her head, tired of the never-ending internal argument. Had she gone off with Alexei, Dmitri would have used Tanya and ruined her life instead. At least Tanya still had a chance at happiness and freedom from shame. If Valentina had accomplished anything of value in her life, it was that she’d saved her sister from ruin. And she’d do it again. The only thing she might have done differently was kill Dmitri before he had a chance to force her into prostitution. But then again, she’d never have been able to bring herself to commit murder had her soul not been torn to shreds by Dmitri’s depravity and her own humiliation. No, things couldn’t have happened any other way, and there was no point in giving in to regret.
Valentina smiled sadly when she saw Alexei striding toward her. For just a moment, as the sun peeked from behind a passing cloud and shone in her eyes, she imagined he was wearing his cavalry uniform, his sabre at his side and his cap perched on his blond hair at a rakish angle, but Alexei was wearing civilian clothes. The brim of his hat shaded his eyes and his gray suit looked commonplace among the well-dressed passersby who were free to go for a walk during business hours.
“Valya,” Alexei exclaimed. “You look radiant.”
Hardly, Valentina thought bitterly.Devastated, miserable, devoid of all hope for the future, but surely not radiant.
“I’m glad you wanted to meet at the park. I love your family, but they barely let me draw breath without asking if I’m all right or if I urgently require a cup of tea.”
“They’re so happy you’re all right.”
“I know. Seeing them again has been…”
“Bittersweet,” Valentina finished for him.
“Yes.”
Alexei gave her his arm and they strolled along, listening to the soothing sounds of nature. The quacking of ducks, the trillingof birds, the rustle of leaves overhead were all so pleasant on this summer morning that for a moment Valentina wondered if she might give in to the beauty around her and allow herself to hope, but then she felt a wave of dizziness followed by the telltale nausea that had plagued her for the past few weeks, and steeled her resolve.
“Alyosha, we must talk.” She’d put off this conversation for several weeks, alternating between unshakable resolve and desperate hope that she might find another solution to her dilemma. She’d been unable to deny herself the joy of spending time with him, and loving him in a way a wife loved her husband, but now she no longer had a choice. Circumstances were forcing her to act.
Alexei smiled serenely at her. “Isn’t that what we are doing? Do you think we could escape the city for a few days and go to the seaside? The weather is so lovely.”
“Alyosha, please, let me talk.”
“Go on, then.” He stopped walking and turned to face her, his eyes growing serious and the easy smile sliding off his face.
“You must return to France.”
“Why?”
“Because there can be no future for us, and the longer you remain in London, the more tongues will wag.”
“Wag about what?”
“I can’t marry you, Alyosha.”
“I know. I understand. I told you I’d wait, and I haven’t changed my mind. I will have to go to France to see to my affairs, but then I will return. I might even convince Papa and Sveta to come with me. We’ll make a life here—all of us.”
Valentina shook her head like a stubborn donkey. “You don’t understand. You must leave for good. There’s no future for us, Alyosha. Things have changed.”
“Have they changed so much that we can’t move past them?”
“Yes.”
“In what way?”
“I’m married,” Valentina exclaimed. Oh, why was he making this so difficult?
“Valya, your husband has been missing for two months. It’s highly unlikely he’s coming back. Now, I realize you’re consumed with worry for him, but all the evidence points to the fact that he’s no longer with us. I know you need time to grieve, and I won’t rush you into anything. I promise.”
“Alyosha, I cannot move forward from this. Not yet. Maybe not ever.”
