Page 54 of The Unseen
“Hello,” he said shyly when Quinn opened the door to him. She stepped aside and allowed him into the flat. Even in his winter gear—a navy-blue parka, a striped scarf, and a knitted cap—he looked trendy and artistic.
“What are you doing here, Jude?” Quinn asked. Jude never visited or rang her voluntarily, and they hadn’t spoken since the day of Emma’s birthday party.
“I came to bring this, and to apologize.” Jude thrust a gift bag at Quinn. It contained a sweet brown teddy bear. “It’s for Alex. I thought he might like a cuddly toy. Maybe it will even become his favorite, like Emma’s Mr. Rabbit.”
“Mr. Rabbit has been demoted,” Quinn announced. “She has a new favorite toy now. But thank you. It’s adorable.”
Jude shrugged off his coat, as if he meant to stay for a while. “Look, Quinn, I’m really sorry about what happened at Emma’s party. I never meant to hurt her. You must know that.”
“You might not have meant to, but it would have happened just the same had Emma ingested the heroin you so carelessly dropped.”
“I know, and I have to live with that knowledge every single day. It’s realizing what might have happened that finally got me into rehab.”
“And are you clean?”
Jude nodded. He actually looked healthier, if somewhat heavier. Without heroin, his metabolism was likely working at a slower rate, or maybe he had a better appetite now that he wasn’t strung out.
“So, what are you plans?” Quinn asked as she walked into the bedroom, where Alex was still lying on the bed. Jude followed.
“Oh, he’s sweet,” Jude said as he leaned forward to take a better look. “May I hold him?”
Everything inside Quinn wanted to refuse, but it seemed churlish, so she nodded. “All right, but only for a minute. We’re going out for a walk.”
“It’s not too bad outside,” Jude replied as he lifted the baby into his arms and smiled down at him. “He looks?—”
“Like Gabe. Yes, I know,” Quinn snapped.
“Okay, sorry. Right. You asked me about my plans. I’ve actually broken things off with Bridget and moved back in with Mum.”
“I thought things were going well between you and Bridget.”
“I can’t remain clean if I stay with her. She’s an enabler.”
“I see.”
“I’ve quit my band too.”
“So what will you do?” Quinn asked. Jude was obviously serious about his recovery, but he seemed to be purging all the things that normally made him happy.
“Logan got me a job at the hospital, as a porter.”
“And what about your music? Will you give that up as well?” Quinn asked. She’d seen several of Jude’s YouTube videos and he was truly talented.
“I want to focus on writing original music. I don’t know how well I can do that without the aid of heroin, but I mean to try.”
“Did it help you to compose?” Quinn asked.
“Quinn, have you ever been high?” Jude asked as he lowered the baby back to the bed.
“No. I smoked marijuana once, but I didn’t care for it much. It only made me hungry.”
“Life can be so colorless, so gray,” Jude replied. His eyes filled with anguish as he tried to explain to her what he was feeling. “When you’re high, everything is bright, bold, and pulsating with life. The simplest things become beautiful and unique. Some of the greatest songs in the history of music were written while under the influence. The drugs blow open that door in your mind that leads to a hidden chamber where all your creativity, passion, and individuality are stored. Once you’ve hit those highs, the lows become so much lower, and reality so much bleaker. I really want to stay clean, Quinn, but the pull is so strong. Even sex is boring when you’re not high.”
Quinn glanced over at Jude, whose scarf had shifted while he was holding the baby. He had those bruises on his neck again, just like the ones she’d seen before and assumed were caused by his studded leather collar.
“Jude, are those bruises from a belt?”
Jude paled but didn’t look away. “Yes.”
