Page 37 of The Unseen
“I’d rather be a live deserter than a dead soldier who did his duty to the end.” Alexei sounded defensive, as if she were accusing him of cowardice, and partially turned away from her.
Valentina laid her hand over his arm to reassure him that she wasn’t judging him. She was more surprised than upset. She hadn’t expected this, but she certainly didn’t think him a coward. “Alyosha, you must do what you think is right. I would never fault you for leaving the army. But what would you do if you deserted?”
Alexei turned back to her, mollified by her response. “I want us to get married and go to Paris. I have an aunt there. She’s a bit of a recluse, but she’s comfortably off, and she’d help us get settled.”
“But what about your parents, and your sister?”
“My parents wouldn’t leave, and neither would yours. They’re too set in their ways and too stubborn to see what’s right in front of their noses. They still want to believe that all this will blow over, the monarchy will be reinstated, and the rebels will be shot like dogs. The Tsar is not coming back, Valya. He’ll be lucky if he’s allowed to live out his life in exile, and his brother is too much of a coward to fight for the throne. Life will never go back to what it once was. We need to think of our future, Valya, of our children.”
“And what would we do in Paris?”
“We’d make a life for ourselves. We’d work.”
“Work? At what? We have no skills to speak of.”
“We’re more skilled than you imagine. You can be a governess, and I can work as a chauffeur. They have many more private automobiles in France than they do in Russia.”
“But you don’t know how to drive.”
“I’ve learned. There are several trucks where I’m stationed, and I asked one of the drivers to teach me. Oh, it’s wonderful, Valya. So different from riding a horse. Automobiles are the way of the future.”
“Alyosha, that’s mad. Our life is here. Our families are here. I don’t want to be all alone in Paris.”
“You’d be with me.”
“But I’d miss my parents, and Tanya and Kolya, and even Nyanushka. And your mother would be heartbroken if you left. We can’t. We simply can’t. We must wait. Please, until next year.”
Alexei hung his head in disappointment. “I won’t pressure you, but please, think about what I said. Valya, it’s not safe for us here.”
“Then we should all go.”
“Our parents will never leave; you know that,” Alexei replied. “They would have to abandon their homes, their possessions, and their entire way of life. They’re not ready to make such a sacrifice. Do you understand that?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Promise me you’ll consider my proposal.”
“I promise.”
NINETEEN
Valentina did consider Alexei’s proposal, but by the time he was ready to leave on Thursday evening, she was no closer to committing to his plan. Seeing his mother fuss over him, and his sister shyly ask him questions and blush when he complimented her on her budding beauty, made Valentina keenly aware of the heartbreak they’d be causing. She wanted nothing more than to stand before a priest and make her vows with Alexei, but she wanted to do so with the support of both their families. She was afraid to stay, but she was even more afraid to run away, to an unknown place and an unknown future. She’d never envisioned herself as a working woman. She’d been bred to be a lady, a countess, a woman of leisure and wealth. She knew what it was like to be a subordinate in someone’s home. Olga Alexandrovna was like a mouse, always scurrying down corridors and out of sight, terrified to bring on her employer’s displeasure. She was an unmarried woman from an impoverished family. She needed the work, and needed a roof over her head. Valentina couldn’t imagine such a future.
And Alexei. Driving a cab. Ferrying paying customers like a lowly coachman when he was a count, a man who’d have wealth and influence in his own right. No, she couldn’t agree to that. Things were difficult, but they could still change. Perhaps if the war finally came to an end, the people wouldn’t be so angry, so desperate. They’d see the error of their ways and invite the Tsar back to take his rightful place. The Bolsheviks would disband and go back to their lives, perhaps with higher pay and better prospects, their livelihood improved by the changes instituted by the government and sanctioned by the Tsar. All this unrest and fear would pass, and a new day would dawn in which they could all reclaim their place in society and resume their lives.
“Valya, if you have a change of heart, send a message to me at the barracks once you return to the city,” Alexei said when she walked him to the gate.
“Alyosha, I want to wait. Just a few more months. Let’s see how things are by Christmas.”
“It’ll be more difficult to travel during the winter months.”
“I know, but I’m just not ready. I’m afraid.”
Alexei leaned down and kissed her gently. “I’m afraid too, dorogaya Valya. More afraid than I’ve ever been. But I will bide my time. I’ll wait. But there’s something I want you to do.”
“What?”
“When you return to Petrograd, pack a small valise with a change of clothes, a winter coat and boots, and some undergarments. And sew a false pocket into one of your gowns.”
