Page 29 of The Unseen
“All right, but I will ask you a question and I need an honest answer. I won’t judge you or hold what you said in the past against you, but I need to know for the sake of my relationship with my father. Did Seth rape you? Did any of them?”
Sylvia hung her head. Her hands were folded in her lap, her fingers intertwined in a way that had to be painful. When she finally answered, her voice shook with emotion. “I couldn’t tell you the truth, Quinn. I just couldn’t. I was too ashamed.”
“Go on.”
“We were all quite drunk. It was the most fun I’d had since my mother walked out on us and I didn’t want the night to end. I didn’t want to go home to my dour father and my lonely room. It was Christmas Eve, but we didn’t have so much as a wreath, much less a tree. My father had just given up and made no pretense of even trying, not even for my sake. I had no idea where my mother had gone, and even though I hoped she’d ring me on Christmas, deep down I knew she wouldn’t. She’d abandoned me, in every way it was possible to abandon a child. At least I never really knew you and your sister, but my mother had raised me. We’d had a relationship, a bond. I missed her,” Sylvia whispered.
She looked up at Quinn, her eyes searching for understanding, and Quinn nodded, acknowledging Sylvia’s pain. She could understand how bewildered Sylvia must have felt, how bereft, especially if her father had shut down after his wife left and paid little attention to his daughter’s feelings.
“The other two girls went home, seeing which way things were headed, but I stayed. Willingly. Robert was the first to make his move. I resisted a bit at first, but he was an aggressive bloke, sure of himself and his appeal. He was used to getting his way. He began to kiss me and slid his hands beneath my jumper and cupped my breasts. It felt good. He made me feel sexy and desirable. We just snogged for a while, and then he pulled me down to the floor. The room was dim, with only the light from the fireplace casting a glow over the scene, and the carpet beneath me was thick and soft. It was surreal, in a way. I should have stopped him. I knew what he would try to do, but I just lay there, warmed by the fire and drowsy from the champagne.
“I allowed him to pull off my jeans and knickers. Seth and Rhys watched, and it turned me on to see the hunger in their eyes.They wanted me too. I felt no fear, no shame. Robert had me right there and then. He didn’t rape me. I allowed him to do it. He was drunk, and it only lasted a minute or so. He wasn’t up to much. When he was done, I reached out for Seth. He was so good-looking, so strong, and his American accent and confidence were like an aphrodisiac. I hadn’t really enjoyed it with Robert, but Seth took his time. He cared about my pleasure.”
“And Rhys?” Quinn asked.
“Rhys just stood there, rooted to the spot. He was shocked, but couldn’t force himself to look away. I guessed he was still a virgin and I felt sorry for him. ‘Have a turn,’ I told him. ‘You might as well. Your mates have had their fun.’
“He was reluctant, probably too embarrassed to lose his virginity in front of his friends, but they egged him on, as men do. He was the youngest, and his shyness amused them. He finally gave in. By that time he was so aroused, he could barely breathe. It was quick with him, but in some booze-soaked part of my brain, I was happy to have given him something to remember. I was so drunk, I could barely keep my eyes open after that. The next thing I knew, Robert had me in his car and he was taking me home. He brought me to my door, wished me a happy Christmas, and left, like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.”
“So you led me to believe that my father was a rapist when the whole time you knew that to be a lie.”
“Quinn, how do you tell a daughter you’ve just found after thirty years that you had sex with three men you barely knew and enjoyed it? You would have thought me a world-class slag and wouldn’t have given me the time of day.”
“Why did Rhys feel so guilty then? Why did he not dispute the accusation?”
“He’d been drunk and had a hazy recollection of events, at best. When you told him I’d accused them of rape, he believed it.”
“Would they have allowed you to leave had you wanted to, or would things have still gone the same way?” Quinn asked, needing to be sure of what had really happened that night.
“Robert offered to take me home after the other girls left. He didn’t force me, but he did manhandle me a bit, which I actually enjoyed. His persistence made it easier for me to give in.”
“Does Rhys know?”
“Yes. I told him the truth after both Robert and Seth denied the accusation.”
“Is that what drove him away?”
“No, I don’t think so. It was never truly right between us, not in that way. Rhys has never been married or had children of his own. He’s on the verge of a fresh start, a whole new phase of life. Nothing will ever be fresh for me again. I was married for more than two decades and gave birth to four children. I’ve lived with my secrets since I was seventeen, and the lying took its toll. I never told my husband about that night, or about the children that came from it. It was a heavy burden to bear even though he never questioned my past. He was a good man. He deserved better than the likes of me.”
“Was that the only time you went that far—sexually, I mean?” Quinn asked, in equal parts fascinated and repulsed by Sylvia’s admission. Sylvia was certainly a lot more uninhibited than her daughter, and that knowledge came as something of a surprise.
“Getting pregnant and giving birth to twins does wonders for your perspective. I was afraid after that, spooked. I remained celibate for two years and then it was all monogamous relationships until I met my Grant.” Sylvia leaned forward, her desperate gaze fixed on Quinn’s face. “Do you despise me now that I told you?”
“No. I wish you’d told me the truth before. You’d have spared me a lot of anguish. I’m glad to know my father is not a violent man.”
“No, he isn’t.” Sylvia set the mug down on the coffee table and slowly got to her feet. She’d said her piece and now it was up to Quinn to decide how to proceed. “Is there a chance for us?” Sylvia asked as she prepared to leave. “Can we start again?”
“Sylvia, I would like you in my life, and in the lives of my children, but it’ll take time for me to learn to trust you. You’ve lied to me too many times. I can understand why you did it, but that doesn’t make it any easier for me to excuse. Please, give me time.”
“I want to see her,” Sylvia pleaded. “I want to see my girl. She’ll reject me out of hand if you tell her the truth right away.”
“I won’t do anything to turn her against you. She can meet you and decide for herself,” Quinn promised.
“I would appreciate that.”
“I will let you know when we find Quentin, but until then, I’d appreciate a little space. Can you give me that?”
“Yes. Ring me?”
