Page 95 of The Forsaken
She was grateful that Guy didn’t insult her by arguing that she was wrong and Hugh loved her and would mourn her. She’d always been able to talk frankly to him, and he did the same in return. Being able to speak openly, even if only for a few minutes, reminded her once again how emotionally isolated she’d become and how desperately she longed for a sympathetic ear.
“I must be going. Hugh will wonder what I’m doing up here,” Kate said. She poured the hot water into a basin and motioned toward it. “You’d better wash up before the water grows cold. I’ll see you downstairs. The food is simple, but it’s plentiful, and you look half-starved,” she joked. The only part of Guy that looked hungry were his eyes, which were fixed on her as if he were trying to memorize her every expression.
“Not a day went by when I didn’t think of you,” he said. He didn’t come closer or demand a response. He was simply stating a fact.
Kate bowed her head. She wanted to tell him how much she missed him and how happy she was that he was back, but taking such a liberty would lead to more truths and more revelations, so she nodded in acknowledgement and fled Guy’s chamber before he could see the tears quivering on her lashes.
By the time he came down a half hour later, Kate was calm and composed. She sat at the table with her hands folded demurely in her lap as Hugh said grace. He was in such high spirits that he’d invited Joan, Alf, Jed, and Walter to share their meal, and treated them as honored guests rather than individuals he’d bullied for years and rarely thanked for their service.
“A toast to my brother’s homecoming,” Hugh exclaimed as he raised his goblet in Guy’s direction. “I’m so happy to see you, brother.”
“And I you,” Guy said, his gaze on Kate.
FIFTY-SEVEN
Kate left Guy in the company of Eleanor, Hugh, and Walter after dinner and retired to her bedchamber. Her head throbbed as if someone had used it as a war drum, and her belly twisted with menstrual cramps. She could barely move her wrist and her hip was bruised and stiff. She undressed down to her chemise, climbed into bed, and pulled the furs up to her chin, grateful for their warmth and the deep silence of the chamber.
She closed her eyes. Seeing Guy had brought her immeasurable joy, but also deep pain. She’d never fallen in love with Hugh, but she’d tried to be an obedient wife. This morning, Kate had realized with startling clarity that she hated the man. She’d been naïve when she allowed Father Phillip to convince her that Hugh was an honorable man and she should be a devoted wife to him despite her reservations.
Looking back after nearly four years of marriage, Kate now saw clearly how Hugh had manipulated events in order to gain her family’s connections and fortune. She wondered how different things might have been had Hugh been the one wounded at Towton rather than Guy. But then, Guy would never have taken advantage of the situation as Hugh had. Guy would have escorted Kate home, thanked her for her help, and ridden out of her life.
She huddled deeper into the covers, pulling her legs up against her belly to staunch the ache. Her heart had soared at the sight of Guy, and her spirits had lifted just knowing he was well and safe, but the chasm between them was as unbreachable as ever. If he chose to remain at the castle, hiding her feelings for him would prove difficult, especially under the watchful gazes of Eleanor and Joan. She had to be twice as careful and maintain a constant guard where Guy was concerned.
After a restorative nap, Kate came down for supper. She was physically better, but the pall of misery hadn’t lifted, and she tried to keep her eyes from sliding to Guy as she took a seat at the table. Hugh was jubilant. He’d received a message from StanwyckHall inviting them to come an hour earlier for the annual Christmas celebration. Kate suspected the invitation had been issued as soon as Guy’s squire, lent to him by the earl, returned to Stanwyck Hall and reported Guy de Rosel’s return. The earl would wish to hear all the latest news and enjoy court gossip before the rest of his guests arrived. Current information wasn’t easy to come by, isolated as they were so far up north, and Guy’s account of what was happening in the capital wasn’t to be missed.
“Will there be minstrels and mummers?” Adam asked for the tenth time. This would be his first time attending a Christmas celebration with the adults.
“Yes, Adam, there will be minstrels and mummers,” Hugh replied happily. “And the earl plies his guests with rare delicacies and fine wine.”
“What about bear baiting? I’d like to see that.”
“Adam, I don’t think bear baiting is an appropriate activity on the day we celebrate the birth of our Lord,” Eleanor admonished him.
“And minstrels are?” he demanded.
“Christ’s birth is a joyous occasion, to be celebrated with music and feasting. Bear baiting is a sport, bloody and common, not at all the kind of pastime our Lord would have approved of.”
“Did they have bear baiting in his day?” Adam asked, earning himself a reproachful look from his mother. Hugh looked amused.
“I daresay, Our Savior, who was kind and gentle, would not have approved of the torture of any creature,” Eleanor replied to Adam sternly.
“Well put, Eleanor,” Hugh said with nod of agreement. “No bear baiting, Adam, but I think the dice might come out later in the evening.”
“Gambling on the day of the Lord’s birth is a vice,” Eleanor cried.
“So it is, my dear. So it is. Adam, you can’t play.”
“And you?” Eleanor demanded, turning to Hugh.
“I think the Lord will forgive me,” he replied, putting an end to Eleanor’s righteous indignation with a severe look. She could lecture Adam, but she had to keep her own counsel where Hugh was concerned. He was the head of the family, and she was there on his sufferance, even if her son was the rightful heir to the estate.
“Will there be many people?” Adam inquired, seemingly oblivious to the tension he’d created between Hugh and his mother.
“Nigh on fifty, I’d say,” Hugh replied. “What do you think, Guy? He’s had that many in the past.”
“Sounds right,” Guy replied. He seemed distracted.
“Eleanor, have you a gown to wear?” Hugh asked, his question surprisingly intimate. Men didn’t ask such things of ladies they weren’t married to, especially in front of others.
