Page 33 of The Forsaken
“Lady Catherine, I’m very sorry for your loss,” he said as he approached her. “It’s a tragedy to lose one child, but three is beyond words. Your parents must be beside themselves with grief. I’ve yet to see either of them.”
“My mother’s taken ill, and my father has been tending to her.”
“Poor lady. She must be devastated. And your lord father, of course. What a blow,” Father Phillip said, shaking his head in disbelief. “I will call on them later today to offer whatever comfort I can.”
“I’m sure they’d be most grateful, Father.”
“You seem in need of comfort yourself,” Father Phillip said as he beckoned Kate toward the front pew. “Come, sit, my lady.” Father Phillip paused while a hacking cough wracked his thin frame for several minutes and left him exhausted and trembling. His hand shook slightly when he mopped his brow with a much-used linen handkerchief.
“Are you ill, Father? Is there anything I can do to help?” Kate asked. “Should I fetch some water?”
“Thank you, child. I’m afraid it will take more than water to restore my health. I’ve written to the bishop. ’Tis only fair to give him time to find a replacement.”
“Are you going somewhere?” Kate asked. Father Phillip had been at All Saints’ since he was a young man, fresh out of the seminary.
The old priest chuckled, which turned into another coughing fit. “I’m going to stay right here at All Saints’. I will be buried next to Father Paul, who was the priest here before me. He was a good man, and taught me much. I still miss him.”
Kate turned away for a moment to hide her tears. Father Phillip was dying, but he seemed accepting of his fate, and not at all bitter or frightened.
“Lady Catherine, don’t grieve for me. I’ve had a long and happy life. I don’t fear death. ’Tis but a stepping stone to the afterlife, and it will be glorious; I know it.”
“Do you think my brothers are in Heaven, Father?” Kate asked, wondering if Martin had ever confessed his sins to Father Phillip. He had much to answer for, but he had died fighting for his king. Surely that earned him some measure of forgiveness.
“I’m sure they are, my dear,” Father Phillip assured her. “Now, tell me about yourself. Are you back from the priory for good? Have you sacrificed your own desires to support your parents at this difficult time?”
Kate opened her mouth to speak, but a desperate sob tore from her chest. She hadn’t meant to give in to self-pity, but for some reason, Father Phillip’s kindness undid her.
“Father, I grieve for my brothers, and I’m sick with worry for my dear mother,” Kate admitted reluctantly, “but today my grief is also for myself.” She hung her head in shame, but Father Phillip patted her hand in a gesture of support.
“You’ve nothing to be ashamed of, Lady Catherine. Your brothers are beyond caring about the physical world, and your dear mother is in the hands of God. Now, tell me what’s troubling you.”
“Father, a week ago I was at the priory, preparing to take my vows. I was happy and at peace with the choice I’d made. I knew exactly what my life would be like, and I was eager to devote myself to the service of our Lord. Since then, I have lost not only my brothers, but my parents as well, and I’m about to marry a man whose motives I have reason to question. I feel as if God has forsaken me.”
Father Phillip shook his head, his eyes full of sympathy. “My dear Lady Catherine, the Lord has not forsaken you. He loves you, and values you, which is why He’s sending you where you’re needed most, as He did with His own beloved son. Perhaps you would have served Him faithfully at the priory, but He clearly has a different plan for you. He has chosen this new path for you, andyou must follow it, for you don’t know where it’ll lead. This man you are to marry, what has he done to make you mistrust him?”
“I think he manipulated the situation to his own advantage to ensure an outcome he’d hoped for, and has greatly angered my father.” Kate decided not to elaborate on exactly what her father now believed, too ashamed to speak the words in the house of God.
Father Phillip smiled kindly. “He wouldn’t be the first man to do that, certainly. Did he deceive you?”
Kate thought about that for a moment and realized she couldn’t answer the question with certainty. Hugh had promised to escort her back home, which he had. He had told her father that she’d spent several days in his company, tending to Guy’s wound, which was true. He’d also told her father that he wished to marry her, a proposal that seemingly came from the heart. Kate couldn’t be sure what had led to her father’s assumption that she’d lain with Hugh, but she was fairly certain that Hugh hadn’t said such a thing straight out. Gerard Dancy had made an assumption based on something that Hugh had implied, intentionally or unwittingly, and had cast out the daughter who up to that day had always been virtuous and pure. Was Hugh to blame? Perhaps, but at the end of the day, he was the one who intended to stand by her, unlike her father who had cut her out of his heart based on nothing more than conjecture.
“No, Father, he didn’t deceive me,” Kate finally replied, somewhat relieved to have come to that conclusion.
Father Phillip smiled, as though glad to have planted seeds of doubt and made her reconsider the situation. “Is he so odious then, this man?” he asked, his eyes twinkling with mischief.
“No, he’s not odious,” Kate replied truthfully. Hugh was handsome, in his own way. He was neither stout nor balding. He had a pleasant face, with slanted light blue eyes and a strong nose that bespoke his Gallic ancestry. He was of above average height, and was strong and fit, a man used to days in the saddle and hours of swordplay. But there was one thing he wasn’t—he wasn’t Guy.
Kate was shocked by the rogue thought. Guy de Rosel wasn’t hers for the taking, and until yesterday the very idea of marriage had been something vague and threatening. She supposed it still was, but Hugh had professed to love her and seemed to think that what had passed between them last night was a symbol of commitment. She had no inkling of what went on between men and women, other than some second-hand knowledge gleaned from eavesdropping on her brothers and now her own unexpected experience. She couldn’t expect what took place in the marriage bed to be pleasant or comfortable; her mother had made that clear enough. It was a woman’s duty to lie with her husband and give him children.
As long as Hugh didn’t hurt her intentionally or treat her unkindly, she had no grounds for complaint. Besides, any man her father would have chosen for her would take getting used to, even if he happened to be handsome and charming. Hugh had just lost his older brother, and Guy had been near death. She could hardly blame him for his lack of courtly manners, or his overly emotional response to the woman he thought had somehow saved his brother. Perhaps Hugh’s feelings were genuine. What did she know of love? Geoffrey had once told her that love enters through the eyes. Perhaps that had been the case with Hugh. He had looked at her differently the moment she removed her veil, seeing her as a woman rather than a bride of Christ. And now he wanted to make her his bride.
“Do you think you could grow to love him?” Father Phillip asked, pushing his point further.
“I don’t know, Father. It was my wish to become a nun. I hadn’t considered loving a husband,” Kate replied truthfully.
“My dear, very few people, men as well as women, get to live the life they envisioned. We must take what God gives us and make the best of it, if we hope to gain any measure of happiness. I know you had your heart set on a religious life, but if that’s not to be, then you must apply yourself to being a good wife and mother, and being loyal to your husband. Do you think you could do that?”
“I suppose I’ll have to, won’t I?” Kate replied, resigned. She had no recourse, and if Father Phillip believed that the Lord had set her on this path, then she had no choice but to accept His will.
