Page 85 of The Unforgiven
“Gather all your strength and bear down.”
“I don’t want to,” Madeline cried. “It’ll hurt more.”
“You want this child out or not?” Mammy demanded as she positioned herself above Madeline’s stomach. “You push and I’ll press on your belly to help it along.”
Madeline did as she was told. She felt like her eyes would pop out of her head from the internal pressure this created, but she did it again and again, desperate to expel the infant from her body.
“Once more now,” Mammy said, her voice calm and authoritative. “The head’s out.”
“I can’t. I just can’t.”
“You can and you will. Do it.”
Madeline gathered what was left of her strength and pushed. The baby slid into Mammy’s waiting hands and Madeline slumped back on the pillows, grateful the ordeal was finally over. She could barely feel her nether regions and she was sure she’d soiled herself while pushing. Mammy didn’t seem concerned. She used her cooking knife to slice through the slimy cord thatconnected the baby to its mother and set the knife aside. She held up the child for Madeline to see before taking him over to the table where towels, a blanket, and a basin full of warm water awaited his arrival. He began to cry. It wasn’t the thin wail Madeline had expected of a newborn, but a loud, lusty cry that jerked Madeline out of her stupor.
“He’s a big one. A fine, healthy boy,” Mammy said as she cleaned the child, wrapped him in a thin blanket and handed him to Madeline.
Madeline held her son carefully and gazed into his face. He was red and wrinkly, his eyes shut tight against the morning light that had begun to creep into the shadowy corners of the cabin, dispelling the darkness. Dark blond fuzz covered his head, and a small hand pushed its way out of the wrapping, the fingers curled into a tight fist.
“He looks like George,” Madeline whispered, amazed that they’d made this little person together.
“That he does,” Mammy agreed, frowning with disapproval. “He’ll be a proud daddy, that’s for sho.”
Madeline hadn’t been sure how she’d feel once she saw the baby, but now that he was here, and he was a boy, pride overwhelmed her. She’d given George what Amelia couldn’t, a healthy son. And she wanted to be there to see him grow, to take his first steps and say his first words. She wanted to see the joy on George’s face when he beheld his son for the first time, and bask in the warmth of his approval. Maybe once George saw their baby, he’d love Madeline again. He’d set Amelia aside for the mother of his child. Amelia would be all right; George would see to that. He would provide for her and make sure she wanted for nothing. Why should Madeline be the one set aside when she’d been able to do the one thing Amelia couldn’t?
“Mammy, what if I…?”
“No!” Don’t even think such things. This baby is for them, the next one for you.”
Madeline slumped over the baby, hot tears falling on his tiny face. “I don’t want to give him up. He’s a part of me.”
“Do you love him?” Mammy asked. She stood over Madeline, hands on hips. For a moment, Madeline had forgotten that this child was Mammy’s great-grandchild, but then she saw a momentary softening of Mammy’s gaze. She loved him too, in her own way.
“Yes,” Madeline sobbed. “I love him more than I thought I ever could.”
“Then do what’s best for him.”
Madeline nodded, tears still falling. “I want to name him.”
“You can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because naming him is laying a claim to him, and you ain’t got no claim. They will name him.”
“Mammy, how can you be so cruel?”
“I’m not cruel. It’s life that’s cruel, and nature. It’s always the women that suffer.” Mammy sat on the bed next to Madeline and pulled the sobbing girl to her bosom. “This will make you stronger, Madeline. This will make you wiser. This will make you more cunning. This a hard lesson to learn, my girl, but you can’t trust no one in this world. Everybody wants something, and if you let them, they’ll trample you beneath their feet to get it.”
“Oh, Mammy, do you really think that’s what George did?”
“Maybe it wasn’t his intention to hurt you, Maddy, but that’s what he done. It weren’t Jean’s intention to hurt me neither, but he near ruined my life. Had Sybil had her way, she’d have sold my girl to punish me. She’d have had me whipped till strips of skin was hanging off my back, and still she wouldn’t have been satisfied. Jean forbade her to hurt me, but I could never feel safe. Icried for days when he passed, terrified of what she’d do to me and my children.”
“But she didn’t do anything,” Madeline replied.
“No, your father wouldn’t have let her. But he ain’t here now.” Mammy held out her hands and took the child from Madeline. “You sleep now. You need your rest. I will look after the boy.”
Madeline lay back. Exhaustion dragged her along and swept her under like a powerful current and she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
