Page 53 of The Forgotten
“Yes.”
“And have you learned anything?” Prior Jacob asked. Matthew was unusually tight-lipped, his gaze scanning the horizon as if he were searching for something.
“Father Avery leaves the grounds after Evensong on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He walks into town, toward the harbor. I think he visits someone.”
“Whom does he visit?”
“I don’t know. The house looks abandoned. He stays for about an hour, then leaves.”
“I want you to get closer, Matthew. I need to know whom he is visiting and why,” Prior Jacob said, wishing the boy would show some initiative rather than wait to be told what to do. Father Avery was not a parish priest, so would have no reason to visit the sick or dying. Father Avery wasn’t doing anything outwardly wrong, since he wasn’t one of the friars and was free to come and go, but something about his behavior was furtive and suspicious. And then there was the boy, Edwin. What was Father Avery’s connection to him? Why bring Edwin to the Priory? Father Avery said the boy expressed an interest in joining the order, but Edwin had not approached Prior Jacob as of yet and seemed happy enough to leave after his work was finished and return to his family.
“I saw a woman,” Friar Matthew suddenly said. His eyes never left the sullen vista in front of him, but his voice changed. He wasn’t comfortable spying on a man of God, and with good reason. The friars were loyal to each other, their trust in their brothers absolute. Father Avery wasn’t of their order, but he was still one of them, a man who chose to serve God above all else. He’d forsaken his parents’ hearth and the promise of a wife andchildren and chosen the often-lonely path of holiness. The camaraderie and loyalty of like-minded men made the burden a little easier to bear at those times when a man craved more than divine sustenance, and they all did, even if they chose not to admit to it. Their longing made their devotion to God all the more meaningful and sacred.
Prior Jacob rearranged his face into one of bland patience. “Friar Matthew, the reason I asked you to follow Father Avery is because I’m worried about him. He seems distracted, conflicted even. I only wish to help him, but I can’t do so unless I know what’s troubling him. Can you tell me about the woman?”
Friar Matthew shrugged. “She wears a hooded cloak, so I’ve never seen her face. Sometimes she comes, and sometimes she doesn’t. Father Avery waits for a while, then leaves. He looks disappointed when she doesn’t show.”
“I’d like you to continue watching Father Avery. It’s our duty to bring him back to God if he has strayed,” Prior Jacob said.
“Yes, Prior Jacob. It makes me feel better knowing I’m doing God’s work,” Matthew said, smiling for the first time. “I know in my heart that Father Avery is devout, but if you think he has doubts, then of course we must help him find his way back to the Church.”
“God will reward you for your diligence, Friar Matthew. He values every member of his flock. Now, go back to your chores, or you will be missed.”
Friar Matthew turned and wordlessly walked away, disappearing through an arched doorway in the wall surrounding the priory. It was his job to tend the animals, and that’s what he liked doing best. Perhaps it reminded him of his father’s farm and brought a little piece of home to the priory, offering the young manthe best of both worlds. Prior Jacob clasped his hands behind his back and began to walk along the cliff. He’d grown cold standing still for so long and could do with some exercise. Besides, walking helped him to think more clearly and he still had a half hour before Sext.
So, Father Avery has a lover, Prior Jacob thought as he strode along, paying little attention to the gathering clouds on the horizon. They looked like bales of dirty wool, but the air was fresh and invigorating, and Prior Jacob increased his pace as his mind picked apart this new information. He imagined that he’d be happy to learn something disparaging about his rival, but all he felt was a deep sense of unease. For a man of the cloth to take a lover was an affront to God. Prior Jacob knew that there were many, especially those higher up in the Church, who kept not only lovers, but secret families. The thought infuriated him. How could God allow such debauchery to thrive? These men had sworn their allegiance to the Church, had devoted themselves to the service of God, and all the while they were indulging in carnal pleasures, sacrificing nothing and showing a false face to the world. It was a sin to lie with a woman, a sin that should not be ignored.
Prior Jacob had never known carnal love. He’d joined the order when he was fifteen and had still been pure of heart and body. It was wrong to offer yourself to the Lord if you’d been soiled by fornication. His brothers tried to take him to a brothel once, but Jacob refused, disgusted by their base needs, which they satisfied at every opportunity. Jacob loved his mother and the Virgin Mary, and those two women were more than enough for him. He found women to be repulsive, truth be told. Their smell and wanton sexuality unsettled and disgusted him. He approved of marriage of course, for the purpose of procreation and propriety, but relations outside of the holy bounds of matrimony were not to be tolerated.
Jacob had chosen to join the Franciscan monks rather than pursue the priesthood because he wished to be shuttered away from the real world and not have to deal with the sordid lives of parishioners, who indulged in sinful behavior and thought that confessing their sins to a priest could wash away their guilt. The priests gave them penance, but Jacob thought that wasn’t enough. People had to suffer for their sins, not just say a few Hail Marys and consider themselves absolved. No, he didn’t have the temperament to deal with a congregation. He wished only to live in peace, his days structured and uncomplicated, devoted to worship and work. But ambition had its price, and in gaining the priorship, he’d lost the peace and simplicity of monastic life. Now he had to safeguard his position and protect his men from unholy influence. Father Avery was proving to be a worm in Jacob’s apple, a snake in the Garden of Eden.
Prior Jacob turned his face into the wind, watching as white caps appeared on the surface of the sea, the placid water suddenly coming to life and beginning to rock the boats on the horizon. The clouds had grown darker, their underbellies swelling with unshed rain. Was this a sign of God’s displeasure?
“I won’t let you down,” Prior Jacob spoke into the wind. “I will eradicate all sin.”
FORTY-SEVEN
Petra pulled the threadbare blanket over her naked breasts and snuggled closer to Avery, desperate for every bit of warmth she could get. Avery didn’t light a fire in the grate, fearful that someone would become alerted to their presence in the abandoned house if smoke began to rise from the chimney into the frigid night. A candle stub burned bright in the darkness, its little flame struggling to stay alive in the drafty space. Avery reached for his woolen cloak and spread it over them, pulling Petra closer to him and nuzzling her ear lobe.
“Better now?”
“Yes,” Petra breathed. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift. Being with Avery felt so right, so safe. She wished they could spend the whole night together and wake with their limbs intertwined, their bodies warm and flushed from their lovemaking. Instead, Avery had to rush back to the priory, and Petra had to return home where she had to act as if she’d just returned from spending the evening with Lady Blythe and hide all signs of her happiness from her all-too-perceptive mother. It wouldn’t be until she climbed into her loft beneath the rafters that she washed all traces of Avery from her body and lay in her cold bed, reliving the precious moments she’d spent with him. It was then that the doubts would come. She knew she had to speak to Avery sooner or later and tell him her news, but she put off the inevitable, desperate to seize whatever happiness she could.
Petra turned onto her back and gazed up at Avery, who seemed miles away as he twirled a lock of her hair around his finger, his head resting on one arm. “Avery, what will happen?”she asked, regretting the questions as soon as it left her lips. She knew the reality of the situation, but knowing it and hearing it were two different things and she wasn’t prepared to hear the truth.
“How do you mean?” Avery asked, his eyes sliding reluctantly back to Petra’s face.
“With us,” Petra clarified. She could still end things with Thomas and tell him that she’d changed her mind. They weren’t to be wed until June, so she still had a few weeks before any wedding plans were set in motion. Oh, how happy Lady Blythe would be if Petra backed out and left Thomas to seek a more suitable bride, and how happy Petra would be if Avery decided to leave the Church and build a life with her.
“Whatcanhappen?” Avery asked and smiled down at her as if she were a silly child.
“I love you, Avery,” Petra whispered. She’d said it in her mind a thousand times, but it felt strange to hear the words spoken aloud after all this time. The last time Petra had confessed her feelings to Avery was twelve years ago, on the night Edwin was conceived. Avery had said it first then, had sworn undying devotion and promised a lifetime of happiness, but he was gone less than a fortnight later, off to the seminary against his will.
This time he has a choice, Petra thought stubbornly as she watched emotions passing across Avery’s face like clouds across the sun.This time he can choose me.He can choose us.
“I love you too, sweetheart, but I’m an ordained priest. I cannot marry. Once my transgressions are forgiven, I will return to Oxford and resume my teaching post,” Avery said. His eyes slid away from Petra’s searching gaze, telling her all she needed to know, but she persisted, desperate to change his mind.
“You can leave the priesthood,” Petra pleaded, her heart in her throat. “We could marry if you did.”
