Page 79 of The Lovers
“How could something that was so wrong feel so right?” Elise asked as she nestled into James’s arms. Her back was to him, and he laid a proprietary hand on her belly, his fingers splayed over the child they created.
“We must be very careful, Elise. Don’t think for a moment that my father didn’t imagine this might happen.”
“Well, he is not here, is he, and there’s no one to tell him our secret.”
“No, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep it to ourselves.”
“May we walk by the sea?” Elise asked James shyly once they got dressed.
“As you wish, my lady,” he replied with a smile. “Have you been to the beach since I left?”
“No, Peg wouldn’t come with me. She’s scared.”
“I suppose it can be intimidating to someone who’s never seen anything grander than the Thames.” James gave her a bow and offered her his arm. “Shall we?”
Elise accepted his arm, and they walked in companionable silence, each one lost in their own thoughts.
“What will happen after our walk?” Elise asked as she followed James down the narrow track. They had to walk single file, but James held his hand behind his back, Elise’s fingers in his.
James turned to face her. He looked momentarily puzzled, then lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it reverently.
“You will go back to the house, and I will return to the cottage. You’re Lady Asher, and I am your servant.”
“But what will happen with us?” Elise asked innocently.
“Nothing.”
They had come to the sea and Elise stopped, staring at the sparkling water, James momentarily forgotten. A lovely breeze blew off the sea, and she turned her face into it and closed hereyes. The baby kicked, as if suddenly aware of her awe. The coast looked deserted and wild but also majestically beautiful. Elise turned her face toward the breeze. It was bracing and cold and smelled of brine and seaweed. Elise took off her shoes and stockings and allowed the surf to rush over her bare feet. She gasped as the cold water swirled around her ankles, but the feeling was exquisite.
“Be careful,” James said as he took her by the elbow. “Wouldn’t want to endanger the Asher heir.”
Elise pulled her arm out of his grasp and turned to face him. “I am not your plaything,” she exclaimed, wounded by his lack of initiative concerning their future.
“No. You are my love,” he replied softly, his eyes caressing her flushed face.
“Did you know that people from this very town sailed to the Massachusetts Bay Colony nearly thirty years ago? They wished for freedom, James. And they found it.”
“Many of them died,” James replied, uncharacteristically pessimistic.
“And many of them didn’t,” Elise retorted.
James seized Elise by the elbow and pulled her away from the churning water. “Elise, I am a bastard. I am no one. I have no name and no fortune. I might snatch a few moments of happiness from this world, but I will never—you hear me?—neverhave a place in society or a comfortable life. Is that what you wish for our child? Yes, we can run away. We can even sail to America, but you will still be my father’s wife in the eyes of God, and I will still be a penniless bastard. What kind of life will our child have? What hope for the future?”
“So, what do you suggest?” Elise exclaimed. “That we just go on as we are?”
“For now, yes. Once the child is born, my father will no longer be able to disown it. The humiliation would be more than he can bear, especially in front of the king he so worships. Our child will have a title and a handsome inheritance. And a future. And I’m prepared to put my own wishes on hold to see that happen.”
“And what about me?” Elise demanded.
“What about you? You are a great lady. You have comfort, wealth, and an absentee husband. You also have a man who loves you and is devoted to you. Can you not make peace with the situation and just bide your time for now?”
Elise considered the wisdom of James’s words. He was right, of course. She was too stubborn and too proud. She wasn’t owed happiness, nor was she owed a livelihood. She didn’t care about making sacrifices, but it wasn’t fair to sacrifice their unborn child and condemn it to a life of penury and obscurity. If Edward openly disowned the child, it would have no name and be forever a bastard. James knew what that was like, and it had left an imprint on his soul that no amount of acceptance would ever erase. He wanted better for his son, and who was she to blame him?
“So, we sneak about?” Elise asked, but the fire had gone out of her, and she felt ashamed of her outburst.
“We bide our time,” James replied. “And we wait for an opportunity.”
“Do you really love me, James?” Elise asked, turning her face up to his.
