Page 50 of A Man To Remember
All true.
"And?"
"And he didn't look great when he opened the door." Also true. "But he bounced right back. Good as new the next day."
Jamie nods, seemingly satisfied with the explanation. But there's something unsettling about the ease of this conversation. My loyalty has always been with Jamie, clear and uncomplicated. Now there's this other pull, this sense that I owe Jesse something too.
When did that happen?
"He seems to be doing really well though," I say, steering the conversation to safer ground. "It's one thing to hear about it from you all these years, another to see it with my own eyes."
Jamie's face lights up with pride, but then something shadowy crosses his features. "Yeah, he's... he's incredible. I'm so proud of him, you know? But the really fucked up part is..." His voice shales slightly. "Sometimes I'm scared too."
"Scared of what?"
"That one day he'll relapse and this whole bubble will burst." Jamie stares into his coffee cup like it holds answers. "And it's not fair to him, because he's been doing so well. Seven years, Austin. Seven fucking years. But I still wake up some mornings terrified I'm going to get a call..."
He doesn't finish the sentence. Doesn't need to.
Jamie's told me this before, multiple times over the years, but it's like I'm hearing it for the first time. Because this time, I'm actually listening. Now Jesse isn't just Jamie's brother,some abstract figure from the past, a figure I've spent ten years wishing out of existence.
He's real.
He's mine to worry about too, apparently.
The conversation shifts after that, flowing into easier territory. Work stories, updates on mutual friends, complaints about inflation and rent prices and the general state of the world. Jamie has always been easy to talk to, one of those people who make three hours feel like thirty minutes.
By the time we're splitting the check, several cups of coffee and way too many pieces of cheesecake later, it's already afternoon.
"This was good," Jamie says as we stand outside the coffee shop, pulling on jackets that smell like coffee and nostalgia. "Don't be such a stranger when you get back to Reno, okay?"
"I won't be."
"I mean it, Austin. You're like family."
Family.
The word sits heavy in my chest as we hug goodbye and part ways on the sidewalk. Jamie heads east toward the train station, and I start walking west, back toward my temporary apartment.
The rain has stopped while we were inside, leaving the streets washed clean and gleaming under the afternoon sunlight. The air smells like wet pavement and possibility.
As I walk back, my mind drifts to Jesse.
To the limited time we have together.
How much time have we already wasted? Ten years of it, gone because I was too angry to see past my own hurt. Ten years where we could have been... what? Friends? More than friends?
I don't want to waste any more.
I pull out my phone and do a quick Google search as I walk, checking hours and availability. Then I scroll to Jesse's contact.
Austin:Got some time today? I need to borrow you for a few.
The response comes back almost immediately.
Jesse:Consider me yours.
I smile.
