Page 48 of A Man To Remember
I smile. "I have time. Mental health day, remember?"
"Well, in that case…" He leans forward and places a small kiss on my lips. I can taste myself on him. "I'll stay. I haven't exactly slept either."
My smile fades. "Why?" I ask, but fear I already know the answer.
It's because of me.I'mthe one messing withhisschedule.
"I want to tell you something, but I need you not to freak out."
My upper body shoots up and I prop myself on my elbow. "I'm freaking out."
Austin laughs. "Don't. I'm serious, though. I need you not to take it personally."
I swallow, my pulse already kicking up, but I force myself to nod. "Okay."
His eyes drift to the side, staring at the empty space, and he bites on his bottom lip, as if running some sort of mental debate. Finally, he speaks. "I was angry when I saw you. That first day in the club. I saw you and I just got…angry."
I furrow my brows. "Angry?"
Austin still doesn't look at me as he continues, "Yeah. I'm not proud of it. If anything, I'm ashamed because it's awful, but I was angry. Angry that you were doing so well. It's like," his voice cracks, "there was a part of me, this ugly part, that wanted to see you suffer. And I'm sorry."
Slowly, my heartbeat evens out. This isn't something to freak out about. It's not even out of place. It's justified. I reach out and graze his cheek with the back of my finger until his eyes finally meet mine. "That's okay, Austin. Thank you for telling me."
But even though all is well on the surface, even though I'll have him for the night, the whole night, there's this other thought knocking relentlessly on the doors of my awareness, nagging and unpleasant. That one does freak me out, but I can't bring myself to ask him directly. So I choose the roundabout way. "So, what's next? Work-wise, that is. Do you have the next gig already lined up after you go back to Reno?"
He nods. "Working on it. There's this gallery I've had my eyes on for a while and…"
I tune the rest of the story out, nodding every now and again, forcing myself to smile when it seems appropriate.
That's my confirmation.
All of this is temporary, and three weeks from now Austin will be gone and we will be no more. Twenty-one days from now, this, whatever it is, will reach its expiration date.
Wewill expire.
I sigh and push all of it aside. I can worry about it then. I can be sad then.
For now, I have twenty-one days and I'm going to use every last one of them.
CHAPTER 17
AUSTIN
IT ISN'T THE perfect day for walking. No sun ray in sight, gray sky crying tiny tears, air so dense you can drink it. But it is my day off and I have the time, so I walk, my umbrella flipping inside out in the wind, all the way from my place to McAlbert's.
It's not even that wild of a concept that they're open ten years later. The coffee has always been great, best in the city, and all I can hope for is that it still tastes at least half as good. Of course this time, we won't share a single cup and maybe even get some pastries to go with it, now that we no longer live on a prayer.
I look around as I walk, taking in the sights both familiar and strangely different at the same time. Everything's just as gray as I remember. And I do remember, even though I spent the past ten years trying to forget.
The philharmonic building is still majestic, rising tall above the surrounding, much smaller buildings. The shoppingmall is still where it used to be, the park only safe to walk through during daytime.
None of these are on the way from my place to McAlbert's. I'm taking a detour. Because I do have the time and because that sad, melancholic part of me wants to seeitagain.
I walk three more blocks until I reach it. A giant, square brick of a building that still haunts me on occasion. Our high school.
I slow down as I pass it and hang my head low, eyes darting to the side to see without raising the alarm that would come from a grown ass man ogling a school building.
Not much is different from the outside. A new paint job, maybe. Some new doors. Some baby trees planted in the green area outside.
