Page 30 of A Man To Remember
Austin takes a deep breath, like he's preparing for battle. "There was a party. Halloween. At Sarah Chen's house. Remember?"
I shake my head. Another blank space.
"You walked in on something. In one of the bedrooms upstairs." He's staring at his hands now, fingers twisted together. "I was... I was with someone. Another guy. We were kissing."
The words hit me like cold water. I try to reach for the memory, but there's nothing there. Just empty space where the recollection should be.
"I don't remember."
"I know. But I do." His voice is steady, but I can hear the effort it's taking. "You just stood there for a minute, in the doorway. Like you couldn't process what you were seeing. Then you left. Didn't say anything, just... left."
Something cold is spreading through my chest. A creeping dread that I can't name but can feel in my bones.
"The next Monday, everyone knew. Everyone. By lunch, kids were whispering in the hallways. Someone spray-painted a slur on my locker. Teachers pretended not to see it."
No.
No.
Just... no.
"Austin..." The word comes out strangled.
"Ever since then, my life was..." He shrugs, but there's nothing casual about it. "Different."
The room tilts around me. The dread in my chest crystallizes into something sharper, like a sword puncturing my ribcage, pushing deeper and deeper with every shallow breath I take.
"I told them." It's not a question. The knowledge is there now, settling into place like a tumor. "I outed you."
Austin doesn't respond immediately. Doesn't need to. The answer is written in the careful way he's not looking at me.
"I don't remember," I whisper, but it sounds pathetic even to me.
Like an excuse.
It's nauseating.
"I know you don't. That's what makes it..." He finally looks at me, and the pain in his eyes is devastating. "It was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. And for you, it was probably just something you mentioned at a party while you were high. Gossip you forgot as soon as you said it."
My hands are shaking violently now. I press them together, trying to stop the tremor, but it spreads through my whole body.
"What happened to you? After?"
"Jesse…"
"Tell me."
"The bullying got pretty bad. My parents found out and..." He gestures vaguely. "Let's just say they weren't as evolved as they pretended to be."
I think I'm going to be sick.
"Austin, I'm so sorry. I had no idea—"
"I know."
"I would never... I mean, now I would never..."
"I know that too."
