Page 43 of Murder & Mayhem
He heaved out a breath, half laughing, half hysterical. “Yeah. I think so. That was— All this shit I’ve seen, and I’ve never been in a car chase before.”
I raised an eyebrow. “I wouldn’t go so far as calling that a car chase.”
He waved a hand dismissively at me. “Whatever, close enough. I can’t believe we stole a car.”
“We didn’t. We’re borrowing it.”
“Yeah, okay. If you say so. Shouldn’t I be freaking out?”
My lips twitched. “Hate to break it to you, beautiful, but you kind of sound like you’re freaking out.”
“Yeah, but it’s like adrenaline and horniness. I’m not scared.”
Did he even realize what he’d said? “Horniness?”
Jamie groaned, mortified. “Oh my god. I can’t believe I said that out loud. But, yeah, okay? Seeing you all calm and collected like that, weaving in and out of traffic, making plans, it was fucking hot. I’m not hard, so don’t get any ideas. But it was sexy.”
How come everything that came out of this boy’s mouth was packed with layers of potential trauma bombs?
“First off, thank you, baby boy. I’ll be happy to steal more cars for you if you find it hot.” He smacked my arm lightly, making me grin like a fool. “But also, I have no ideas. Justbecause we fooled around before, doesn’t mean I expect anything from you. You’re still in control here.”
Jamie hummed, thinking. “Well, what if I want you to be in control?”
Fuck. “You can’t say shit like that, baby boy. It’s killing me.”
“I’m not bullshitting though. Like, it’s weird because it pisses me off when you make decisions, like selling your soul to the Wraiths without consulting me, and I worked my ass off to be independent and able to make all my own choices. But, like, what we did in the bathroom, or when you washed me and I could just be? It was . . . nice. My mind could shut off and I knew you’d handle everything. Is that pathetic?” His voice caught at the end.
“Of fucking course not. I happen to like taking control like that, but even if I didn’t? There’s nothing wrong with wanting it. You’ve been in survival mode most of your life. It makes sense that sometimes it feels good to shut it all off.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“It doesn’t mean you don’t have all the power, though. If we decide to play like that, even more so than what we did in the bathroom, then you’d have a way to shut it all down or even slow down if you needed to. I won’t go further than you allow.”
I could see Jamie picking at his skin again, at the scratches I’d cleaned up only yesterday.
“That sounds really nice. It’s hard to believe it’s real.”
My hands tightened on the steering wheel as I tried to control my anger. “It’s real. I’m assuming you don’t have much experience with consensual kink or consensual sex in general. But for those that play right, who play safely, that power to stop everything is essential.”
I wished we weren’t driving for this conversation, but Ialso didn’t want to discourage Jamie from talking about it by asking him to hold off. If things proceeded the way I hoped they did the next few days, I’d make sure to have a more detailed conversation where we could actually see each other and my concentration wasn’t divided. For now, I’d answer any questions he had and be as honest as possible.
“And your normal relationships, they have that? The kink stuff?”
For someone who’d gone through the hell Jamie had, he really was innocent in a lot of ways.
“Well, I wouldn’t really consider any of them relationships, but yeah. I’m what the BDSM world calls a Daddy. It’s more of a caretaker Dom. It’s a broad spectrum, like everything else. Nothing is one size fits all.”
“Why wouldn’t you consider them relationships?” The question surprised me. I’d thought he’d ask about the Daddy thing.
“Because most of them were only for one night. And the ones that weren’t were strictly contractual playtime dynamics, almost always in the club. My life isn’t exactly conducive to a long-term relationship.”
Jamie laughed. “Yeah, I guess not. I can’t even imagine being in a relationship. I’m such a hot fucking mess.”
I wanted to dispute it, but he wasn’t really wrong either, even if I hated him talking negatively about himself. He continued anyway. “I wouldn’t mind learning more about the kink stuff though.”
My jaw ticked as I worked to stay focused on the road. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know. After we find Bailey maybe? And we’re safe?”
