Page 14 of Murder & Mayhem
I took a deep breath so I didn’t say something that would make things worse. “Jamie, I don’t know what I could say to make you feel safer, but I fucking promise I’d rather cut my own dick off than hurt you. And if I did, I swear on whatever deity you do or don’t believe in that my brothers would hunt me down and make what I did to Joey look like child’s play. We don’t fuck around when it comes to kids or the survivors.”
When Jamie didn’t answer and only looked like he was gonna bolt, I tried to come up with a solution. I could tell him I’d check out O’Malley’s place on my own, though I figured that would go over as well as getting him into my SUV was. I could tell him I’d meet him there, but I didn’t want him skulking around on his own. Even the thought of him leaving to go back to his home had my teeth on edge. These fuckers knew where he lived since they’d grabbed Bailey from there. Yeah, that plan wouldn’t work. I didn’t want to force him in the SUV, but that was becoming the more viable solution by the second because standing here sure as hell wasn’t.
But then he once again set his features, going from scared to pissed, stomped over, and flung the door open with way more force than necessary.
Before he entered, he turned to me with his hand out. “Give me the knife.”
I raised an eyebrow at him, torn between amused and irritated. “I already know I have the disadvantage in this situation,but you’re armed and I’m not. Give me the knife.” He hesitated. “Please.”
I wanted to laugh, he was so damn cute, but I didn’t want the boy to think it was at him. Inside his brain must be a fascinating place. Still, I was a little proud of the confusing brat for daring to ask me. I handed him a switchblade, one that I kept in the front pocket of my backpack. It wasn’t the one that had killed Joey, though that would’ve been sickly poetic. Jamie didn’t say anything, clutching it tight as he finally climbed in.
I got into the driver’s side and pulled out my phone. Ignoring the bullshit group thread, I only focused on the one between Ari and me. There was a thumbs-up, letting me know they were good at the house, and then the address to O’Malley’s. I pulled it up, turned the car on, and drove off.
Jamie stayed silent and on edge, sitting with his back stiff. His shoulders were practically to his forehead. He was watching me out of the corner of his eye, holding my damn knife so tightly, his knuckles were going white.
“You know, you’d need to relax your grip a bit if you wanted to use that.”
My eyes were on the road, but I could feel him frowning at me. “Huh?”
“Lots of people think gripping the knife that tightly is the best bet, keeps you from dropping it and gives more force for stabbing or whatever, but that’s not true. You’ll end up cutting the shit outta your hands. It might happen anyway, especially with a newbie, but you’re either gonna drop the thing or rip your hands open. Relax your grip and your shoulders. Tension will only end up with you getting hurt.”
I made a right, heading into the neighborhood. We weren’t too far from the house. I didn’t have a good feeling about it. I doubted they’d bring thekid to a place so easily traced, but then again, criminals were often idiots, so who fucking knew? Either way, it was a place to start.
I risked a glance at my passenger. His eyes hadn’t left mine as he assessed and guessed. I could tell he was trying to figure out my angle. If he did, maybe he’d tell me because I didn’t have a fucking clue. I was running on feelings at this point, which always made my skin itch. That was how mistakes were made. How I lost control. But I also trusted my gut enough to listen to it, and it was telling me to keep Jamie close. That was good enough for me for now.
Jamie’s grip on the hilt loosened a fraction, his knuckles not white anymore. He took a shaky breath and at least tried to relax, though I didn’t think he was very successful. And any chance of it was completely wiped out as we turned onto the street where O’Malley lived. He finally turned away from me, gaze locked out the window.
“Do you recognize this?” I asked softly, not wanting to trigger him.
It was hard to know what to do in this situation. Everyone was different, and we were literally wading through a landmine of trauma and repressed memories, on both our parts. I didn’t know Jamie well enough to know how he was gonna react, especially when he seemed to be flitting through emotions faster than I flicked through movie options on Netflix.
My brothers and I were probably not what was considered normal when it came to our past. Most of the time, we didn’t talk about it at all. Like, if we could, our lives would have started when Ari had been eighteen, me fifteen, and Gid fourteen. That was when everything had changed for us. When we did talk about it, it was always a joke. It was probably fucked up, but everyone coped differently. For us, it was dark humor and murder. Very little sleepand as much caffeine as our bodies could handle without our hearts giving out. Gid and I especially had our own brand of fucked up. Ari was a little more sensitive about it.
Jamie shrugged. “Yeah, I think so. I-I don’t know. It all blurs together,” he reported in a monotone voice, shutting down completely. Fuck. What was worse? The tour of emotions or this?
“Yeah, I get it.” I pulled right into the fucker’s driveway. Was it ballsy and dangerous? Yeah, but I didn’t give a shit. No one in their neighborhood would say shit, and Ari would take care of everything else. Besides, there was more of a risk of us getting jumped by someone on the streets than the cops ever getting called. I shut off the engine.
“Ready?”
Jamie bit his lip, looking a little haunted, but nodded. My insides crumbled every time those sad green eyes met mine. I wasn’t generally a touchy-feely person. I did what I had to during aftercare, but it always felt a little perfunctory to me. Give the boy what he needed so he didn’t experience subdrop and then move on. With this boy, though, one I had absolutely no right to touch in any way, all these feelings and instincts kept coming to the surface. Ones I had no fucking clue how to deal with. I needed to get it together. Help him find his brother, make sure they were safe, and move the fuck on for my sanity and his. Keep it professional and, for fuck’s sake, don’t trace that lip that was trembling slightly with my thumb.
I forcibly tore my gaze from Jamie and reached for the door handle. After getting out, I grabbed my backpack from the back seat as well as the gun from the case I kept secured back there before addressing him.
“Keep the knife, you might need it.”
CHAPTER 6
JAMESON
Ididn’t know if I’d ever been to this place. There’d been this weird sense of déjà vu when Dominic had driven through the neighborhood, but I couldn’t be sure. Not really. Even as Dominic had pulled into the cracked driveway that was more weeds than pavement, I still couldn’t say with 100% certainty. Still, there’d been this heavy sense of dread building in my chest the closer we had gotten.
I clutched the knife like a lifeline, forgetting every piece of advice I had been given, and followed Dominic to the front door.
He didn’t bother to sneak in this time or even do much to hide his identity. Sunglasses covered his eyes, but that was it. He stood proud and confident as he maneuvered the rusty lawn furniture to get to the porch that looked like it wouldn’t support the weight of a small cat, let alone a grown man.
There was something so alluring about how steady and sure he was. I also felt a bit of jealousy because I doubted I’d ever do anything with that kind of confidence. I was doomedto sneak through the world in the shadows, careful not to draw too much attention.
Dominic’s long legs skipped the condemned steps completely, landing on the slightly more stable platform. There was a hole on the left side that he easily avoided. One I couldn’t quite see from where I stood, frozen in my tracks in the mid-calf-length weeds. But somehow, I knew it was there. Just like I knew exactly what was on the other side of the broken screen and peeling yellow paint of the front door.
