Page 52 of Murder & Mayhem
Gideon hummed. “Yeah, I hadn’t either until I was an adult. Maybe once we get Bailey, all five of us can go somewhere. The mountains are nice this time of year.”
I stared at him incredulously. Who the fuck were these people? Gideon seemed unbothered, casually eating his food. I huffed again before tearing off more of the chicken with my teeth.
Gideon left me alone for so long, I thought I was going toget away with not answering his questions about Dominic and what he’d walked in on.
But I couldn’t get away quickly enough, and as I was about to slide out of my chair and go hide somewhere, Gideon pinned me with a look. “Wanna tell me what that”—he waved toward the sink—“was all about?”
I bit my lip. “Not really.”
Gideon laughed. “Okay, then what about you said about my brother finally realizing you aren’t worth it? Because I know that’s some bullshit.”
I glared. “How could you possibly know that? You weren’t there. I fucked up, did something so wrong, so . . .” I closed my eyes, trying to push back the disgust I felt toward myself. Because the worst part of all of it? When I’d woken up and felt Dominic’s hardening cock in my mouth through the fabric of his underwear, I’d liked it. For the first time in years, I’d felt . . . something down below. I hadn’t been all the way hard, but when I’d run in a panic to the bathroom to get away, my dick hadn’t been the useless, limp thing I’d grown accustomed to between my legs. It had been thicker and there’d been a pleasurable ache there. I’d assaulted Dominic and liked it. Then gotten mad at him. I was fucking sick.
“So tell me. Because there are only a few things in life I’m confident of my knowledge in, and my brothers are two of those things. Dominic imprinted on you, kid. From the second he saw you in that creepy old house, you were his, even if neither of you realized it. I’m not sure there’s anything you could do that would get him to turn his back on you now. Maybe if you tried to kill Ari or me, but honestly, that may not be enough.”
Gideon said it with such confidence. There was not a doubt in his mind that Dominic had claimed me. I squirmed, uncomfortable. I wanted that to be true. Even if it couldn’t last, Iwanted to be Dominic’s. My brain quieted with him in a way it never had before.
I didn’t want to discuss this shit with Dominic’s brother, especially before I talked to the man himself. That would’ve been the mature thing, right? To talk out what had happened? But my mouth had other plans, I guessed, and suddenly I was blurting out, “I assaulted him.”
Gideon wasn’t expecting that, obviously. He froze, eyes wide. “Okay . . . How about you start from the beginning?”
And for some insane reason, I did. I word-vomited everything that had happened, pretty much from the very start, when I’d realized Bailey was missing. Then I finished with how I’d woken up this afternoon.
“And like, this whole time, Dominic has been preaching consent and all this shit. Even something as basic as touching me or whatever, he’s been clear I had a right to say no. It’s, like, super fucking important to him, and then I go and do something like that! Then, because I’m a major fucking asshole that has no control over my emotions, I lashed out. Accused him of not listening tomysafeword or whatever. So he stopped pushing me for answers then, because of course he fucking did. And now I know he’s mad at me. He let me leave. Let me come down here and hasn’t come down since to make sure I didn’t run away or something. Because he gave up on me. He realized I’m a piece of shit and more effort than I’m worth. I couldn’t even have a fucking conversation with him about something that I did wrong! And now he’s done.”
I was crying by then. Crying and shaking and so, so fucking tired. My arms were covered by my hoodie, so I clawed at my thighs instead, trying to clear my head enough to breathe.
Someone was kneeling in front of me now, and I opened my eyes, only to burst into tears when I saw it was Gideon andnot Dominic. Which, of course it was. Dominic wasn’t here. He didn’t even know I was full-on spiraling, and even if he did, well, this would probably solidify his decision to back away from the crazy man.
Gideon grinned goofily. “I know I’m not as pretty as Nicky, but I’m not that bad looking.”
I couldn’t help it. I laughed. Laughed while crying. While snot ran out of my nose and my eyes could barely stay open from how badly they stung from the tears. Then I kept laughing.
Gideon joined me, his chuckle deep and way more in control, but I couldn’t imagine what we looked like if Dominic were to walk in.
Without moving, Gideon used his long arms to reach across the table and grab the roll of paper towels that was sitting there. He tore off a piece and handed it to me with a pointed stare.Wipe your face. I did. Still half-laughing, half-crying.
“There we go. That’s better.” He had the same easy, gentle tone Nicky did when I was having a mental breakdown, and I wondered if it was a family trait, even if they weren’t related by blood.
“Can I tell you what I think, about everything you just said? Now, I know my opinion might not mean much, but I’ve known Nicky since I was eight years old, and there’s no one I want at my back more than him. I know the man inside and out. All his flaws, his triggers, his favorite tools to use to flay a man’s skin off, pretty much every fucking thing. So, I feel like I’m talking from a place of some confidence when I tell you this.”
I chewed on my thumb but nodded. I wanted to hear his opinion. Whatever it was. Lord knew, my brain was a jumble of chaos. I needed someone to help lay things out for me.
“Nicky’s not giving up on you. Rightnow, I’d bet my Harley, which, ask my brothers and they’ll tell you I love that thing more than them, but I’d bet my bike that’s he’s pacing the room, tearing his fucking hair out while overanalyzing everything that went wrong and how he can fix it. He’s not mad at you, and if he was, it wouldn’t be for safewording. I promise you that. But I doubt he’s mad about what happened before either. You said he even admitted he couldn’t figure out what you were upset about. He can be dense, but that doesn’t mean he’s disgusted or walking away. Nicky’s a fixer and has a bit of a hero complex. He always has. If he’s upset, it’s at himself because he doesn’t know how to make this better.”
I sat back, processing what he was telling me. In some warped way, it made sense. Nicky had even said something about not knowing how to fix it. It had pissed me off at the time, but that had been because I’d been so deep in my own self-loathing, I couldn’t think about anything else.
“But what I did. I didn’t have his permission. I . . . in his sleep!” I kind of whined the last word, anxiety building again.
“Jamie, you were asleep too. It’s not your fault.”
“I should’ve realized or something. Who fucking does that?”
Gideon sighed and stood up. I thought he was leaving, but instead, he grabbed another one of the chairs and dragged it over. He plopped into it, so he was sitting directly in front of me with a small space between us. There was enough room to run if I wanted to, but the need to understand what was happening was strong, so I stayed where I was.
“Has Nicky talked to you about his . . . inclinations?”
I wasn’t expecting that question. “Kinda. You mean the Daddy thing?” Gideon confirmed with a nod. “He did a little. I can’t say I totally understand it. It’s intriguing. After . . . Afterwe find Bailey, I told Dominic I wanted him to show me more. But that’ll never happen now.”
