Page 47 of Murder & Mayhem
Jamie swallowed, thinking.
“Can I take your pants off?”
“Absolutely.”
He went for the button, but I stopped him. He looked hurt, so I kissed him quickly to let him know I wanted him in all ways. But that was the problem.
“Before we get too far, I need to know if there’s anything you don’t want to do today. It’s okay if you think you want to do something and change your mind, but is there anything you’re sure is off the table?”
Jamie’s fingers twitched on the button of my jeans. “Um, sex? Is that okay?”
I used the grip I still had in his hair to tilt his head up and look in his eyes. “I need you to be more specific. Do you mean penetration?”
“Yeah. That.”
Jamie’s cheeks were red and he was fidgeting all over the place. The conversation was making him uncomfortable, but that was even more reason to have it.
“Okay, do you mean with our cocks or fingers too? No wrong answer here.”
“Both, I guess. I don’t like it. It doesn’t feel good.”
I tried not to jump to conclusions. Being a side was a thing. Some people just didn’t like anal, no trauma necessary, but still, I had to know.
“Have you ever tried on your own? Like, your fingers or toys? With lube?”
Jamie looked down but luckily didn’t move away. He was also still touching me.
“Yeah. A couple times. I’m probably damaged or something. But it always hurts. Always. And I’ve watched porn, and there are these bottoms and they always fucking love it, but it’s bullshit because it only hurts. And not the good kindthat makes my brain shut up. The bad kind. The kind I have nightmares about.”
My body reacted before my brain. I wrapped my hands around the backs of Jamie’s thighs and picked him up. He reacted as automatically as I had, arms wrapping around my neck and legs squeezing my waist.
For a moment, we stood just like that. I held him tight, my face buried in his neck. He shook quietly, but I didn’t think he was fully crying. It was obvious Jamie wasn’t ready to go any further now. It was time to shift gears.
“Bed or bath, sweetheart?” I asked when my arms started to get tired.
He pulled back to look at me, confused. “Huh?”
“Cuddle in the bed or take a bath?”
He chewed on his lip. “Um, bed? I don’t like baths. Maybe I’ll take a shower later?”
“That’s fine.” I took us both to the bed and laid him in the middle.
I lightly pressed my hand on his stomach. “Can I take your clothes off? Not to do anything, but to be more comfortable?”
That got his attention, but I was surprised when he nodded. “Yes, please. But you too?”
I grinned. “I’ll undress too, as long as that’s what you still want.”
“I still want it. I like feeling your skin.” Jamie snorted, his face crinkling up adorably. “That sounded way creepier than I meant.” I ran my hands up and down his sides, under his hoodie, enjoying his shiver.
“Serial killer, remember? I’ve heard way creepier.”
“Why doesn’t that bother me? Shouldn’t that bother me?”
“You’ve been face-to-face with real monsters all your life. I think it makes it easier for you to see which ones are truly eviland which ones use that monster inside them to rid the world of that evil.”
He thought about that for a second, then I guessed he decided he was ready to get back to the mostly naked cuddling. He tugged at his hoodie and fixed me with a pointed glare.
